Blog Archives - FordeFables

January 31st, 2014

31/1/2014

Thought for today:
"How many times in life have you waited patiently in a double-lined queue only to find your lane moving far slower than the one you chose? How often have you stood behind someone in a self service restaurant and upon seeing the contents of their plate have fancied some of theirs?

The essense of life is making the correct decisions and then being patient enough to await the outcome in order to get what you truly want.

So, if there is anything in this life that you'd like to obtain, but are obliged to wait until it arrives, my advice would simply be, 'Hang on in there and don't dishearten. Your chance will most surely come.' Like the sturdy horse, and my most favourite of all God's creatures, have faith, stamina and endurance and and your reward shall be all the greater in the end.

Today marks the Chinese New Year for 'The Year of the Horse'. As a horse, may I take this opportunity to wish all my face book contacts, 'Kong Hay Fatt Choy.'" William Forde: January 31st, 2014.

January 30th, 2014

31/1/2014

Thought for today:
"It is so easy to get cross with one another in today's stressful world and it also appears to be getting harder when seeking to find greater tolerance and understanding of each other's needs.

However much we have to do, it will always prove easier sharing the burden than attempting to bear our own cross.

Finding peace in one's life is much easier then one thinks. All it requires is learning to hold hands with all that is good and wholesome and being prepared to shake hands with all strangers who hold out theirs in friendship." William Forde: January 30th, 20014.

January 29th, 2014

29/1/2014

Thought for today:
"I have always been a person who plays upon the subtle nuances of words and meaning, but I've never quite known whether the colloquialism 'a kick up the backside' means a healthy nudge or a ball-breaking experience.

Let's face it, there are times in our lives when lethargy creeps into our behaviour pattern and the only way out of it might prove to be a good old-fashioned kick up the backside to get us back on track!

I'm a firm believer in 'horses for courses.' I know that we are all made differently and deal with our trials and tribulations in a variety of different ways, but there are times in all of our lives when lethargy and depression are capable of marooning us in a cesspit of our own composted morosity.

It is at such times when the true friend and the one person who is most likely to best help you move on will be the one prepared to move you in the right direction.

I once experienced a similar difficulty in understanding the subtle difference between 'complete' and 'finished'. I now know. Marry the right person and you'll feel 'complete', but marry the wrong person and you will be 'finished.' However, allow the right marriage partner to catch you with the wrong marriage partner and you'll be 'completely finished.' " William Forde: January 29th, 2014.

January 28th, 2014

28/1/2014

Thought for today:
"All things which create a sensation of wonder are usually seen with innocent eyes and without any need of interpretation. That is why children are the weavers of fascination and the masters of wonderment as they journey through their childhood with eyes that 'see what they see' without the need of ascribing a value to their vision. It would greatly assist many adults who display a tendency to take life too darned seriously to learn from children; to occasionally take the plunge and upon seeing a puddle ahead, to jump into it for no other earthly reason than the sheer hell of it! Go on; unlock the child in you and feel a bit of their magic world once more." William Forde: January 28th, 2014.

January 27th, 2014

27/1/2014

Thought for today:
"When I was growing up in a large Catholic family on a West Yorkshire council estate, our parents used to walk all the children to church in Cleckheaton and back each Sunday; a round journey of some three miles. We would walk down 'The New Road' and always pass the most beautiful of privately-owned properties that were occupied by doctors, accountants, police inspectors and retired army colonels. There was one house half-way down which was different to all the other houses and which oozed charm. It was much smaller than the rest of the large 1940's red-bricked properties. It was mid Victorian in age and had roses growing around its porch that framed the old lintals of its frontage. This was my mother's favourite property of all the houses our walk to church took us by each week and as we approached the property she would say , 'One day, Billy, we'll live in a house with flowers around its door........... our own little cottage.'

My mother died at the early age of 64 years many years ago and until the last three years of her life, she lived in the family home; a three bed-roomed council house on Windybank Estate, Liversedge. She never did live in her ideal country cottage, but if you are listening in up there, Mum, be pleased that I now do. It doesn't have a garden, but my Sheila frequently fills it with flowers inside and I grow roses around its door entrance." William Forde : January 27th, 2014.

January 26th, 2014

26/1/2014

Thought for today:
" I don't know if any of you out there believe in a heaven for humans, but if you do, perhaps it isn't too much a stretch of one's belief system to also believe in a heaven for the remainder of God's creatures.

Someone is reported to have once said that had there been no such thing as God, then it would have proved necessary to invent him.

Whether there is or isn't a God matters to us all differently I very much suspect. What I do know with absolute certainty however, is that living to the standards that a God would expect us to live to if you wanted to one day enter His heaven is the best bench mark there is for bringing a sense of increased health, happiness and peaceful contentment to the world and all its creatures. Also, if we do eventually meet up once more with our loved ones in an after life, surely that means our pets as well as our human loves." William Forde: January 26th, 2014.

January 25th, 2014

25/1/2014

Thought for today:
"When Christ said, 'Whatever you did unto one of the least, you did unto me,' I believe that it wasn't a parable speech reference, but that he literally meant it.

In short, hurt a little one; a creature less powerful or less able than yourself and you hurt Him with just as much pain and suffering.

I know that the images are sickening, but so is abuse of any description. William Forde: January 25th, 2014.

January 24th, 2014 : My mother's birthday

24/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Oh flautist of the woodland glades, how sweetly plays your flute in summer haze, in ground that spawns the seeds of floral generations. Let your sweet notes echo tunes of silver breeze as they travels though the branches of the trees and blows blades of grass below into excitement before alighting on a butterfly's wings and fly to pastures new.

Spring is always a season to rejoice and if there is a better season for man to be buried than another, than it must be spring. On the 26th, April, 1986, my mother was buried, aged 64. Today would have been her birthday. While she couldn't play one note of any musical instrument, she used to love the flute above all others.. Neither could see sing a note in tune, but that never stopped her singing when and wherever she wanted to sing, every day of her life.

I will never forget after I once reproached her for singing way off key and accused her of sounding like a frog on it's last legs. Like the deceased comedian Les Dawson, she told me that it sounded okay to her ears.Then she said, 'God gave us all a voice and the right to use it. I never heard tell that he told some folk they could sing and others that they couldn't. Everyone has the right to sing.....whether others think they can sing or not!'

I have always carried that message with me throughout my life and even to the consternation of others, I have been known to sing at all times and in all places; both on and off key. Thank you Mum for giving me life and thank you for giving me my most precious present of all; my six brothers and sisters. I love you and still miss you." William Forde: January 24th, 2014.

January 23rd, 2014

23/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Someday, I would like to see the seven wonders of the world, go walking in the Pyrenees between France and Spain, eat a pizza in Sorrento, and feed the pigeons in Trafalgar Square in London. Someday......I would have so like to do those things and visit those places, but.......unless I am offered a heart replacement I will never see those places. Unless I get a donor soon......... I won't see my seventh birthday. It's just not fair....... I'm only five! Please sign a donor card today. You could save a life and give renewed hope to another human being of worth. It may be too late for me, but there are other little girls and boys out there who are like me and deserve to do those things and see those places. Please.... please don't sit on the fence a moment longer. Sign that doner card!" William Forde: January 23rd, 2014.

January 22nd, 2014

22/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Nothing lights up the world better than a simple person living a simple life in perfect peace and sweet contentment. Upon such a happy creature, the sun will always shine. Though his brow may often sweat and his back bend to the point of breaking, his positive outlook on life and his belief in better days to come will always see him reach the end of all journeys of goodness that he undertakes." William Forde, January 22nd, 2014.

January 21st, 2014

21/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Work in a garden of love is no toil to the contented heart. It is no work at all to constantly dwell amid the darkest pleasures of one's senses and to capture the nectar in the breeze of ecstasy as it flits and floats from one bloom to another on the wings of a butterfly or the back of a bee. Disrupt not the flowers from their natural bed as they look far sweeter in the garden soil than in a basket or window sill vase. Instead, drink up their aroma until your senses are intoxicated to the point of vomit and you need to go back indoors, for you have imbibed too much beauty for one day and will visit the garden afresh tomorrow." William Forde: January 21st, 2014.

January 20th, 2014

20/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Are you proud to be British? When we were young and growing up during the 1950's it was part of every parent's range of tasks, along with the responsibility of teachers and all custodians of children to instill a sense of pride. One remained proud of the school uniform, even if the flat cap that accompanied it was discarded at the first available opportunity and the tie knot loosened. Whatever was put on one's plate got eaten and one remained at the table until permission to leave had been granted.

The world of children and adults was full of rules to be observed. On a bus, train or in any public place, no man or child would ever think of sitting down while any woman or elderly citizen were left standing, and because most people adhered to these customs and all other traditional British ways, a sense of order and civil code of conduct emerged. One rarely heard an adult arrive home at the end of their working day and complain how hard they'd worked. Instead, they would be far more likely to express instant satisfaction and a sense of pride in having done a good day's work and having earned their meal on the table that awaited them.

I will never forget the pride exhibited by all householders when it came to washing their front steps daily and sweeping the area in front of their house door. Indeed, they carried the length of their brushes and personal responsibility in keeping their community clean to the edge of the gutter. My parents used to joke that during the Blitz of the Second-World-War years, even when houses had been bombed to smithereens and razed to the ground, if the house owner happened to find their front doorstep amid the rubble they would wash it down and whiten it ready for another day!

It may have been much harder for any man, woman, girl or boy to engage in any bad behaviour without observation from behind the street curtains of a nosy neighbour, and what happened in the street was quickly spread throughout the gossip of the street. Equally so however, good news also spread far and fast. If any boy or girl passed their eleven-plus exam to attend the grammar school, the entire street was pleased for their success and the achievement of one street resident helped to increase the pride of all street residents.

My parents and their three eldest children were all born in Southern Ireland into the proud homes of Irish Nationalists; many with rebel backgrounds against the English landlords and ruling occupiers of their country for four hundred years.

My parents and the three eldest children emigrated to England during the Second-World-War years; and despite many of the indigenous population occasionally scapegoating newcomers from Ireland and the West Indies, we were glad to live here and in time we became just as proud of all the rest of our neighbours to live here. England has been good to me and mine and for that I will always remain indebted to this great nation and be proud to be called British. William Forde: January 20th, 2014.

January 19th, 2014

19/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Having worked with with many sexual offenders and deviants during my 25 year career as a Probation Officer, I know most of the signs and can sniff out a perverted cat at forty paces. Their prime aim is to shock. Before showing their true selves to the world, they will begin with a sneaky exposure here and there. They will frequently hide themselves behind a bush or a wall and then when some female passes close by, 'quick as a flash,' they will show all they possess and stand there until they can see the look of shock on the female's face. The best method of response is the art of ridicule. Simply telling them to put that little thing away and go and play with themselves elsewhere is often suffcient to get them to pull in the reins!" William Forde: January 19th, 2014.

January 18th, 2014

18/1/2014

Thought for today:
"When I was first introduced to the theory of genetics as a young school boy, like many other scholars, it took a while for it to sink in.

Genetics deals with the molecular structure and function of genes. An Augustinian friar named Gregor Johann Mendel gained posthumous fame as the founder of genetic science and made his discovery whilst experimenting with peas and bees in his monastic garden during the second half of the 19th century. It is reported that when Mendel first read his paper on his findings in 1865, it was initially believed to be about hybridization and not the inheritance gene. Even Charles Darwin was initially unaware of the importance of Mendel's Paper that was published and entitled, 'Versuche über Pflanzenhybriden' (Experiments on Plant Hybridization), and many scientists refused to accept its findings until the turn of the century.

When I was working in the field of behaviour modification from the 1970's to almost 2,000, I needed to obtain a teaching certificate. I naturally became interested in 'the best teaching methods'. I came across a paper about the workings of the brain and in particular, how one is best thought by their teachers. I knew that we all learn at a different pace, but until then had been wholly unaware that we each learn best by different methods of instruction.

Many teachers will be aware of the saying, 'show, don't tell;' a saying which touches upon the scientific paper I read in 1972. The paper essentially argued that we all learn differently in one major respect. Some of us who tend to be more logical in thought prefer the method of being told straight out and provided with figures, whereas some of a more artistic nature like to see a diagram, image or picture before it clicks. Yet all of us can benefit from clear and precise verbal instruction which reinforces its message with an image also.

They do say that a good picture is more instructive than a thousand words could ever be. If the principle of genetics has always managed to escape your understanding, it may be that your mind has simply been lacking the picture to go with the information that you initially found confusing. Simply looking at the picture of dad, mum and child above is much easier than reading Mendel's Paper. If at first, the penny doesn't drop, just keep looking for the picture and you'll eventually get it." William Forde: January 18th, 2014.

January 17th,2014

17/1/2014

Thought for today:
"There is a time to live and a time to die, a time to fight and a time to surrender. There is a time to resist and a time to relent. Resist when you should not and you will most certainly waste your energy. Give in when resistance is called for and you shall miss out on the opportunity that life offers to you.

There is a time to act and a time to think. Think too much when you ought to act and you will procrastinate and finish up doing nothing; but insist upon doing something when you ought to be in thought and whatever you do, you will do wrong.

Resist when you should and like the strong tree in the wind you shall bend instead of break and prevail storm after storm, growing ever stronger for the experience.Think when you ought to think and no idea will ever be wasted; no effort needlessly spent. Do when you ought to do and all you do, will be done as well as you can do!" William Forde: January 17th, 2014.

January 16th, 2014

16/1/2014

Thought for today:
"There is no sweeter sight than a train steaming along the tracks of one's youth; no more haunting vision of things that was and might have been.

Do you remember the steam trains of old before progress changed them beyond all recognition?

Every journey travelled was a wild adventure for the unrestrained and imaginative mind; especially inside those train carriages without an aisle outside their door. Getting trapped inside a carriage with a stranger of shallow smile and wanting face and knowing that he might be a killer, rapist or escaped lunatic was enough to scare the living daylights out of you. Or perhaps he might be no more than a lonely and shy creature clutching his coat collar and wanting a friend to engage in conversation with or a friendly person to pass the time of day with during the journey. Either way, such was an experience not to be invited by the meek and mild traveller of the fairer sex.

Throughout your journey to the next station; the next place when your carriage door could be safely opened and you could beat a hasty retreat if necessary, your hand was always at-the-ready and would stay ever close to the emergency-stop cord above your head, just in case he made a sudden move in your direction. Then, as he gently opened his coat to extract something from his inside pocket, you relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing the starched clerical collar of a vicar around his neck, you moved your hand away from the emergency chord as you attempted to smile back non-chalantly.

The following actions of the other person made it apparent that the male passenger inside the train carriage with you wasn't a usual vicar. He approached you with eyes of hungry lust and after wrapping you in his arms, he kissed you fulsomely and passionately. At first, you said nothing and did nothing to resist his advancements. His senuous touch moved your passions to a height of wild abandonment. Then as you enjoyed the embrace, you spoke your first words since boarding the train an hour earlier:
'That's enough of your silly games now, Horace. No more hanky panky, we're almost home. Now smarten yourself up before I introduce you to mother. And take that vicar's collar from around your neck and put it in the case with my naughty nun's outfit. Whatever will my mother think of us both if she spots lipstick all over your collar and we, only having met beneath Blackpool Pier yesterday afternoon?'

Ah, the trains of one's past. Those were the days when the carriages were so full of steam and the tunnels seemed to never end!" William Forde : January 16th, 2014.

January 15th, 2014

15/1/2014

Thought for today:
"We often see a couple of strangers out and about and at first glance, the pair may appear to be mismatched in one way or another. It may be one tall person with a small partner, an overweight person with someone slim, a gorgeous-looking person accompanied by someone who looks very plain or even downright unattractive. Sometimes there will be an obvious age discrepancy of over fifteen years between the couple. Whatever may mark the pair out for observation and comment, it is most likely to be of the negative form. Our first thought will often be, 'I wonder what she can possibly see in him?' or ' What's he doing with the likes of her? Surely he could do better for himself!' etc.etc.

And yet, we may have many friends whom display the same visible mismatch to a passing stranger, but because we know the couple personally, we accord them a much different level of respect than we might accord to a strange couple who looks as odd to the eye of a stranger. It just goes to show that the more one becomes friends with 'an odd couple', the less odd we are likely to see them. How much kinder it would be in the instant interpretation of all strangers who seemed mismatched to observe their similarities and not their obvious differences." William Forde: January 15th, 2014.

January 14th, 2014

14/1/2014

"Thought for today:
"One of the earliest rhymes I ever learned was 'Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.' I later discovered that the reason my mother pushed this motto down our throats was to make up for what food deficiency was ever present and because she knew that more heat could be generated quicker by many bodies under the sheets and coats of a bed than in front of an electric-barred fire with no shillings to light up the gas. She also knew that hunger bites less in one's sleep than when wide awake.

When we were growing up, each year my mother would take us to a camping site in Cayton Bay, Scarborough. The fee for accommodation would invariably be paid for by my father working through his annual week's holiday while we combed the Scarborough sands, plus my mother's failure to pay next week's rent and the grocer's food that we settled up for every payday; one week later than we'd eaten it! We would always arrive on the first day of our holiday with litttle money left to buy the essentials like one week's food provisions for up to seven hungry children. As our family was large, the owner of the site allowed us to rent an old railway carriage that he kept in the field and reserved for large Catholic families. The old carriage had been painted white on the outside and a dark colour of paint on the inside ceiling roof to disguise the damp ceiling mold.

These were the days of the 50's when children were reared on lots of fresh air, Beano comics and appreciation for what we had instead of regret for what we didn't. They were also the days when we often retired to bed early to avoid any remaining pangs of hunger, and yet, they are fondly remembered times; the happiest of childhood days by me and my siblings." William Forde: January 14th, 2014.

January 13th, 2014

13/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Until the mid 19th century, the enslavement of men, women and children by all manner of nations was perhaps the greatest of all cruelties that one person could possible inflict upon another. While enslavement occured to many kinds of peoples for thousands of years, it was the black person who was to experience it more than any other during most recent times. Even after slavery was abolished in 1833, black people have constantly suffered from racial discrimination and were still being lynched in America until fifty years ago by members of the Ku Klux Klan. Apartheid continued to exist until 1970 in America and the late 1990s in South Africa. Many would argue that it still exists in Australia today.

The greatest evil since slavery was abolished subtly changed to one of racial discrimination. During the years immediately following the civil right marches in America many organisations used the colloquial slogan of the time, ' Black is beautiful' to remind themselves along with the rest of the white world that the colour of a person's skin can never define their character nor designate their role within society or the type of work and standard of living they are entitled to enjoy.

The people of the free world today owe so much to the bravery and the dignity that has been displayed over hundred of years by the black-skinned person fighting slavery and discrimination; and although discrimination still undoubtedly exists between all manner of peoples in the world today, the tone of skin colour isn't usually the main distinguishing factor that defines it! Is this a kind of progress or does it simply represent society changing around the chairs on a sinking ship, and whilst abandoning one kind of discrimination, adopting another form that is more in vogue?"

Yesterday, me and Sheila went to the cinema to watch '12 years as a slave.' The film was excellent and thoroughly informative, and it most certainly deserves to win an Oscar. Indeed, I heard this morning that it was picked as 'Best Film Drama' at the Golden Globe Awards. What made it so poignant for me was its central message: That we are all born free men and women and the fact that some of us have been 'enslaved' and had our freedoms denied to us does not make us slaves or stop us being free men and women. 'Enslavement' remains as global a trade today as it always was, but has changed its presenting characteristics. It can emerge as the result of laws, actions, attitudes, restricted trade, low wages, the denial of basic needs and the imposed unfair circumstances of others. One doesn't necessarilly have to be stolen from one's home and shipped across the sea to be sold to be considered 'enslaved' anymore. Removing one's access to the basic aspects of food, warmth, shelter and employment is felt to be the new economic and social enslavement of many people today." William Forde: January 13th,2014.

January 12th, 2014

12/1/2014

Thought for today:
"Do you know what I think when it gets colder at night, 'Chill out man; the sun will soon be out again next spring.' There's no point getting all hot and bothered, especially when there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Chill out, man! Chill out! Do what I do; learn to grin and bear it!" William Forde :January 12th, 2014.

January 11th, 2014

11/1/2014

Thought for today:
"When I grow up Suzie, I will be as tall as you. Then you won't be able to knock me down so easily. I remember when you were the same size as I was, but you shot up and left me standing. It must be that special dog food that mum feeds you. You just wait, Buster; I'm going to stop eating those silly fish fingers and start eating from your bowl instead. I want to be a big girl too!"William Forde: January 11th, 2014.

January 10th, 2014

10/1/2014

Thought for today:
"The world of happiness can best be seen through the love that a mother holds for her child, the affection that one's pets are held in or the sheer amazement of finding your first flower in the flush of innocence and gently examining it where it lies without disturbance of its roots. One's hands are not merely the physical extension of one's arms or the symbolic representation of action in the making. Instead the hands are the spiritual determinants of all touch. It is the head and the heart that tells one of the presence of love or danger, but it is the hands that decide how these aspects touch you. How we handle all manner of life around us, including ourself and all our actions, will eventually shape and mould the person we become." William Forde: January 10th, 2014.

January 9th, 2014

9/1/2014

Thought for today:
"When I first fathered children, they used to come with me everywhere. I'd often have one in my arms and other by my side. I was a popular neighbour and would often allow someone else's offspring to accompany me with mine. Had anyone asked me then, I would probably have had no difficulty in modestly telling them, 'Now if you really want to put me forward for the 'Father of the Year' nomination, I would undoubtedly fit the worthy category and you'd probably be on to a safe bet.'

Looking back however, and with the benefit that the passing of time and adequate reflection is known to bring, I'd have to honestly conclude today that, Yes, I was an 'okay' type of dad who always tried to do his best for his children, but I was also a dad who wasn't any better than millions of other dads who loved their children as much as I did.

Isn't it strange how partial people become to the smell of their own while being perfectly happy to turn up their noses at the smell of others. 'Nobody in my daughter's class could do........ before her! My son was reading...............books before any other boy or girl in his class! etc. etc. etc. '

Often such comments are usually concluded by that celebratory crescendo; 'He is so gifted for his age that he never fails to amaze his parents or teachers.' The sole purpose of this parental crow is to pierce the heart of any parent who sometimes made mistakes or momentarily thought of themselves once before that of their spoiled offspring. Then there is that parental puff that tops all other puffs of one's parental worth and which is designed to crown oneself 'the mother of all mothers and the peacock daddy of all daddies': 'I love my children more than any parent could ever love their child! I live for their ever moment and if needs be, I would be prepared to die for them.'

Oh no you don't! Oh no, you wouldn't Get back in your box, mister! Put a sock in it, mother! You're no better or worse than the vast majority of us. And just in case you think that you are any better than any of us, then the next time you go to the loo, know that your shit stinks too!" William Forde : January 9th, 2014.

January 8th, 2014

8/1/2014

Thought for today:
"There is but one person, place and time where the the fullest flush of beauty and innocent depravity can be found, but once the opportunity to enter has been allowed to slip by, so is lost the moment of best experience never known. To revisit this once precious vault in later life is merely to find that the treasure therein has been taken by another and that the innocent pleasure of love's first passion has been forever lost to one moment of uncertainty on virgin ground.

There is one person, one place, one time that can fill a heart and mind with so much loving and desire that makes one's bones ache with wishes to be broken in a moment of rapturous embrace; to be forever forged in fashion of an eternal hug and fused within one sculpted shape shared by two twin souls of joint purpose and lifelong love.

There is but one experience above all others and that is love; first love, true love and everlasting love!" William Forde: January 8th, 2014.

January 7th, 2014

7/1/2014

Thought for today:
"After overeating at Christmas and putting on a few pounds, thousands of you out there will be considering how best to lose that Chrismas spare tyre that suddenly appeared. Then sadly, there will be thousands more who won't or couldn't give a silent fart for the oversized girths they now carry.

There are some exercises which are healthy to do like a gentle limbering up in the morning when one first gets out of bed. These are best done in the area outside the marital bed and are known for stimulating the blood flow. Then there are those exercises of a more energetic and vigorous nature which command the full control of one's bloodflow in order to push out the love boat and which demand the total abandonment of all restraint to better enjoy. These are best done inside one's marital bed, but can be acceptably performed on a ground rug in front of an open log fire to achieve a similar effect and are guaranteed to produce a warm glow inside the body before eating your morning oats at breakfast.

Now, I know that there will be a number of potato couches out there who would never consider the merits of exercising even when the failure to do so is almost guaranteed to kill them off long before they are qualified to draw their ever decreasing weekly pension. Their life has already been shortened enough to lose any more time keeping their body in better shape. They simply just cannot be bothered with all that huffing and puffing that such energetic press-ups demand. However; let me assure them that there are far better places to stuff a fat face into than the sugared hole of a stale doughnut that is well and truly past its sell by date.

Far, far better to attend one of my wife's Relaxation or Yoga classes which are held in Haworth and Keighley weekly. Now, she's certainly a woman who will make your blood flow faster simply by following her instructions on the ground mat. For me though, I'd much prefer to put on that extra few pounds by poking my fat face into her steak pie and two veg." William Forde: January 7th, 2014.