Chapter Eleven: ‘Two days before the End’
Two days before Alan died, as is often said to happen, the dying person seems to rally, and for a brief spell, one starts to wonder if some miracle is in the process of happening.
That morning Alan asked me, “Was Margaret’s visit extended last night when I was out of it? I have a brief recollection of her having been here by my bedside.”
“Yes, Alan,” I replied, adding, “she stayed until after midnight.”
I didn’t indicate that we’d talked into the early morning hours before she eventually left. Alan seemed to be on the edge of his nerves for most of the day. He told me that he’d asked both his wife and Margaret to visit him at different times today.
Looking at me he smiled wryly and said, “I’ve finally done it, Bill. I’ve done what I should have done years ago, and got my house in order. The solicitor will deliver me a copy of my will today.”
Alan didn’t go into detail as to what he’d decided to leave and to whom, which I found somewhat incongruous. Whereas he’d been prepared to tell a total stranger about all manner of private and highly sensitive details pertaining to his love life during our early morning chats, he seemed more reluctant to talk about his financial dealings.
I have always found it strange how people are less secretive and remarkably more open about the disclosure of a mistress or some sexual behaviour that has deeply shamed them, yet draw a line when it comes to revealing anything to do with their money matters!
That morning Alan asked me, “Was Margaret’s visit extended last night when I was out of it? I have a brief recollection of her having been here by my bedside.”
“Yes, Alan,” I replied, adding, “she stayed until after midnight.”
I didn’t indicate that we’d talked into the early morning hours before she eventually left. Alan seemed to be on the edge of his nerves for most of the day. He told me that he’d asked both his wife and Margaret to visit him at different times today.
Looking at me he smiled wryly and said, “I’ve finally done it, Bill. I’ve done what I should have done years ago, and got my house in order. The solicitor will deliver me a copy of my will today.”
Alan didn’t go into detail as to what he’d decided to leave and to whom, which I found somewhat incongruous. Whereas he’d been prepared to tell a total stranger about all manner of private and highly sensitive details pertaining to his love life during our early morning chats, he seemed more reluctant to talk about his financial dealings.
I have always found it strange how people are less secretive and remarkably more open about the disclosure of a mistress or some sexual behaviour that has deeply shamed them, yet draw a line when it comes to revealing anything to do with their money matters!
Shortly after, Alan’s wife arrived in the hospital ward. She was accompanied by her sister. Seeing me just across the ward and close enough to possibly hear what might be said by them, Alan’s sister-in-law drew the curtains.
Alan had arranged the separate visits by his wife and Margaret that day to explain the terms of the will he’d drawn up. He never expected his wife to bring her nosy sister along also.
As I listened intently, I was unable to hear anything clearly until voices were raised. Alan’s sister-in-law asked in annoyance, “Why her? Why leave her that much? She’s no more than a glorified office secretary!”
“Because she deserves it!” Alan replied angrily. He obviously resented the presence of his busy-body sister-in-law shoving her two penneth worth into matters that didn’t concern her!
Addressing his sister-in-law, Alan said angrily, “All you need to know is that she’s the only one who can keep the firm operating as a viable concern when I’m no longer here, and ensure that Amanda at least derives some ongoing benefit from it!”
“Anyway,” Alan added, “Amanda will be left with the financial means to see her through the immediate time ahead. She’ll have a place to live, her stake in half the firm and receive my private pension for the rest of her life, along with any ongoing income from the business.”
But sister-in-law Millicent remained dissatisfied on her sister’s behalf while Amanda had not said a word throughout.
Alan had arranged the separate visits by his wife and Margaret that day to explain the terms of the will he’d drawn up. He never expected his wife to bring her nosy sister along also.
As I listened intently, I was unable to hear anything clearly until voices were raised. Alan’s sister-in-law asked in annoyance, “Why her? Why leave her that much? She’s no more than a glorified office secretary!”
“Because she deserves it!” Alan replied angrily. He obviously resented the presence of his busy-body sister-in-law shoving her two penneth worth into matters that didn’t concern her!
Addressing his sister-in-law, Alan said angrily, “All you need to know is that she’s the only one who can keep the firm operating as a viable concern when I’m no longer here, and ensure that Amanda at least derives some ongoing benefit from it!”
“Anyway,” Alan added, “Amanda will be left with the financial means to see her through the immediate time ahead. She’ll have a place to live, her stake in half the firm and receive my private pension for the rest of her life, along with any ongoing income from the business.”
But sister-in-law Millicent remained dissatisfied on her sister’s behalf while Amanda had not said a word throughout.
“There’s no need to leave the hussy a 51% share of the firm, along with your expressed wishes that she becomes Managing Director!” Millicent said in raised voice as she wagged her finger of disapproval at her brother-in-law.
“Leave it be, Millicent,” Amanda said more quietly, and in a somewhat sinister comment added, “Alan has always looked after his own.”
As Amanda spoke, I could barely make out all they were saying, and being unable to see the parties behind the drawn curtains, I couldn’t know that Alan’s wife had given him that look of doubt she’d held for numerous years throughout their marriage, ever since Margaret had arrived on the scene.
Because Margaret was of single status and with never a mention of marriage on the horizon, Amanda had always suspected her husband Alan to have been the father of her boy, Timothy. She assumed that Alan had an affair during one of his Irish business trips and had then arranged for his lover to be shipped across to West Yorkshire where she and their bastard son might remain close on hand; able to continue to conduct their secret relationship with impunity.
Alan had told me previously, that on one occasion his wife had directly accused him of being the boy’s father, and despite his adamant denial of paternity, deep down, Amanda always doubted the honesty of his protestation.
Amanda couldn’t bring herself to accept that her husband and Margaret had never had an affair. Whenever she saw them together in the office, the love in their eyes for each other was evident.
Ironically, despite the inaccuracy of her suspicions regarding the paternity of Margaret’s child, Amanda had been wholly justified in her suspicions of her husband’s infidelity. For the past decade, Alan and Margaret had been having an affair under her very nose. And while she never accused Alan of being father to Margaret’s child again, she occasionally hinted at the possibility and forever feared it to be true!
Even her many years of depression and alcohol abuse couldn’t cloud her sensibilities to the obvious affection that Alan and Margaret shared. Amanda could sense their apparent closeness and their many hushed and abruptly ended conversations between each other whenever she appeared unexpectedly on the scene.
Amanda couldn’t bring herself to accept that her husband and Margaret had never had an affair. Whenever she saw them together in the office, the love in their eyes for each other was evident.
Ironically, despite the inaccuracy of her suspicions regarding the paternity of Margaret’s child, Amanda had been wholly justified in her suspicions of her husband’s infidelity. For the past decade, Alan and Margaret had been having an affair under her very nose. And while she never accused Alan of being father to Margaret’s child again, she occasionally hinted at the possibility and forever feared it to be true!
Even her many years of depression and alcohol abuse couldn’t cloud her sensibilities to the obvious affection that Alan and Margaret shared. Amanda could sense their apparent closeness and their many hushed and abruptly ended conversations between each other whenever she appeared unexpectedly on the scene.
It is almost impossible for a married person not to know when their spouse is having an affair or is engaged in a secret liaison. When two lovers share the same space, every look, every silence, every spoken word between them, even their most secret of gestures when they think nobody else is looking betrays their most inner thoughts and endearment.
The meeting between Alan and his wife ended with a peck on the cheek. Alan didn’t give his sister-in-law any gesture of ‘goodbye’, and the only thing exchanged between them was an unmistakable look of contempt. He was still angry by her unexpected contribution and intrusive hospital visit with his wife that day. As the two women left the ward with neither looking back, each knew that the next time they set eyes on Alan, he would be dead!
The meeting between Alan and his wife ended with a peck on the cheek. Alan didn’t give his sister-in-law any gesture of ‘goodbye’, and the only thing exchanged between them was an unmistakable look of contempt. He was still angry by her unexpected contribution and intrusive hospital visit with his wife that day. As the two women left the ward with neither looking back, each knew that the next time they set eyes on Alan, he would be dead!
After his wife and sister-in-law had left the ward, Alan beckoned me across to his bedside. He looked relieved and told me that he’d arranged for Margaret to be appointed Managing Director after his death in his place and that he’d ensured her ongoing security in the firm for as long as she wished it, by making her the largest shareholder in the business.
“It’s the least I can do for her,” he said, “the very least. It’s no less than she deserves, Bill!”
While he didn’t directly ask for my opinion concerning his actions that day, I volunteered that from what he’d told me of his situation during the past fortnight, I felt sure he’d done the proper thing. He seemed much relieved to hear me express my moral support.
That evening, when Margaret visited him, Alan also acquainted her with the specification of his last will and testament. She was wholly unconcerned at the contents of his will and seemed more worried about the level of pain Alan was now experiencing, and which had increased greatly over the past twenty-four hours.
Margaret stayed on late again that night; perhaps sensing that the final hour was approaching. She wanted to be on hand, close to Alan if it happened during early morning hours.
Around 1.00 am when Alan had dropped off asleep after taking his most recent dose of morphine, seeing me still awake, Margaret came across and sat down in the chair beside my bed. She made two cups of tea and we talked for about one and a half hours before she went home to catch a few hours’ sleep.
“He got his Last Will and Testament sorted out today, Bill,” she said.
“I know, Margaret. Alan told me,” I replied.
“But with what effect I’m not sure?” she added.
Margaret explained that given the large increase in fuel cost over the past six months, the firm’s low profit margin would be reduced by half in the immediate future. She indicated that the firm would be operating once more from hand to mouth and day to day throughout each working month ahead.
“It’s the least I can do for her,” he said, “the very least. It’s no less than she deserves, Bill!”
While he didn’t directly ask for my opinion concerning his actions that day, I volunteered that from what he’d told me of his situation during the past fortnight, I felt sure he’d done the proper thing. He seemed much relieved to hear me express my moral support.
That evening, when Margaret visited him, Alan also acquainted her with the specification of his last will and testament. She was wholly unconcerned at the contents of his will and seemed more worried about the level of pain Alan was now experiencing, and which had increased greatly over the past twenty-four hours.
Margaret stayed on late again that night; perhaps sensing that the final hour was approaching. She wanted to be on hand, close to Alan if it happened during early morning hours.
Around 1.00 am when Alan had dropped off asleep after taking his most recent dose of morphine, seeing me still awake, Margaret came across and sat down in the chair beside my bed. She made two cups of tea and we talked for about one and a half hours before she went home to catch a few hours’ sleep.
“He got his Last Will and Testament sorted out today, Bill,” she said.
“I know, Margaret. Alan told me,” I replied.
“But with what effect I’m not sure?” she added.
Margaret explained that given the large increase in fuel cost over the past six months, the firm’s low profit margin would be reduced by half in the immediate future. She indicated that the firm would be operating once more from hand to mouth and day to day throughout each working month ahead.
“Without looking at the accounts at the end of the month,” Margaret said, “all the signs are that we’ll be in the red again, that’s for sure! Overheads will remain high, money will be extremely tight and all it will take to throw us into financial crisis once more is the delayed payment by just one of our larger customers!”
“The firm is forever on an economic knife edge, Bill. Two of our three lorries need essential work doing on them that is very costly,” she said, “and if we put off their maintenance for too long, a breakdown abroad will prove catastrophic!”
She indicated that even the matrimonial home which Alan had willed to his wife was twice mortgaged and that Amanda would receive little equity from it. There was every likelihood that Amanda’s house would be lost should the haulage firm fail. If the firm was forced into bankruptcy, Margaret indicated that neither Amanda nor anyone else would be left with any security to fall back on.
“What will you and Timothy do if the business goes belly up?” I asked Margaret.
“Oh, we’ll be okay, we’ll manage,” she replied. “I’ve made a few contacts in the haulage business since I’ve worked in West Yorkshire and I’m sure that I’ll be able to find a job somewhere. Who knows,” she said, somewhat tongue in cheek, “I might even be lucky enough to find a wealthy employer who is prepared to look after me and Timothy and value our presence in his life like Alan has done all these past years!”
At the time of her speaking these words, admittedly in jest, little did I realise what ends Margaret would be determined to go to, or what personal price her unremitting guilt and Catholic conscience would cost her.
“The firm is forever on an economic knife edge, Bill. Two of our three lorries need essential work doing on them that is very costly,” she said, “and if we put off their maintenance for too long, a breakdown abroad will prove catastrophic!”
She indicated that even the matrimonial home which Alan had willed to his wife was twice mortgaged and that Amanda would receive little equity from it. There was every likelihood that Amanda’s house would be lost should the haulage firm fail. If the firm was forced into bankruptcy, Margaret indicated that neither Amanda nor anyone else would be left with any security to fall back on.
“What will you and Timothy do if the business goes belly up?” I asked Margaret.
“Oh, we’ll be okay, we’ll manage,” she replied. “I’ve made a few contacts in the haulage business since I’ve worked in West Yorkshire and I’m sure that I’ll be able to find a job somewhere. Who knows,” she said, somewhat tongue in cheek, “I might even be lucky enough to find a wealthy employer who is prepared to look after me and Timothy and value our presence in his life like Alan has done all these past years!”
At the time of her speaking these words, admittedly in jest, little did I realise what ends Margaret would be determined to go to, or what personal price her unremitting guilt and Catholic conscience would cost her.
