Chapter Six: ‘Alan and Margaret’
That night as all the other patients slept soundly, Alan and I spoke once more of his love for Margaret and his guilt for having deceived his wife over many years with his unfaithfulness.
“Where were we?” he asked as he continued.
Being very aware of the deeply personal details he was sharing with me, I again asked if he was comfortable discussing such matters with a relative stranger, to which he replied that he was.
“The job interview,” I prompted, “you got as far as sending Margaret an appointment at a Waterford hotel for the position on offer.”
“Ah yes, the job interview,” Alan replied. “The interview went smoothly; indeed, far easier than expected by either of us, I suspect. We only needed to speak for ten minutes over coffee and biscuits before I knew she was ideally suitable for the position. She seemed happy to take up the job as Personal Assistant at the earliest opportunity, if offered to her.”
“I said I’d give the matter some serious consideration and let her know my decision within three days. If taken on, I would arrange for her to commence within two weeks and told her that I’d review her performance within a month to confirm my satisfaction. She seemed entirely pleased with this proposal, and I’d no doubt she’d do the job to my satisfaction.”
“Where were we?” he asked as he continued.
Being very aware of the deeply personal details he was sharing with me, I again asked if he was comfortable discussing such matters with a relative stranger, to which he replied that he was.
“The job interview,” I prompted, “you got as far as sending Margaret an appointment at a Waterford hotel for the position on offer.”
“Ah yes, the job interview,” Alan replied. “The interview went smoothly; indeed, far easier than expected by either of us, I suspect. We only needed to speak for ten minutes over coffee and biscuits before I knew she was ideally suitable for the position. She seemed happy to take up the job as Personal Assistant at the earliest opportunity, if offered to her.”
“I said I’d give the matter some serious consideration and let her know my decision within three days. If taken on, I would arrange for her to commence within two weeks and told her that I’d review her performance within a month to confirm my satisfaction. She seemed entirely pleased with this proposal, and I’d no doubt she’d do the job to my satisfaction.”
“It all seems so long ago now,” Alan said quietly. “Anyway, Margaret proved to be the most suitable person I could ever have hoped to secure for the post. Within one month, she had the office as ship shape as though she’d worked there years. It was tidier than it had ever been and while I was wholly acquainted with office systems, she had them off to pat. She proved to be a wizard with rearranging and operating the driving rotas, and before long, the firm was saving on both time and fuel with the efficiencies she came up with!”
Alan then paused and took another mouthful of morphine before he continued.
Alan then paused and took another mouthful of morphine before he continued.
“Six months after starting with the firm, Margaret began to show signs of her pregnancy. Until then, she’d made no mention of her condition. Not having been made aware of her pregnant state, she was most apologetic about having stayed quiet. In her defence, she said that at the time of accepting her post with ‘Hawthorn’s Haulage’, she didn’t realise she was pregnant with child. She instantly offered to resign her position with the firm should I desire it.”
“I soon told her that she was what the office needed and that it had never run as smoothly since she’d started working there. I said that we would do whatever was required to work around her pregnancy should she still wish to retain her job with the firm, and that one way or another we would manage in her absence when her time to give birth came.”
“I knew nothing about the identity of the child’s father at that time or the circumstances leading to Timothy’s conception and birth. I simply thought that like many a young woman, Margaret had fallen pregnant and that the man in question either didn’t want to marry her or couldn’t. I didn’t know whether he had left her high and dry to fend for herself and expected child or if she’d had second thoughts about possible marriage. I didn’t feel comfortable enough or close enough to ask her how she found herself in the role of single parent. After four months off work following her pregnancy, Margaret was able to return to her post after arranging for a young woman to babysit and look after Timothy’s needs during her daily absence.”
“I tell you, Bill,” Alan remarked, “I was never so pleased to have any employee return to work. Then, over the next six months, although I didn’t notice at first, my feelings for her started to change. I started taking more care over my dress and personal appearance when I turned up for work every morning. I even invested in some after-shave lotion and other smellies. I found myself arriving at the office early on a morning before the drivers, just on the off chance of having a brief time talking with Margaret on my own when she arrived at the office. It was as though Margaret had become my daily fix. If, for any reason she didn’t come into work, I found myself getting more irritable as the day went on and greatly missing her movement around the office. I was becoming no less than an uncontrollable ‘love drunk’; intoxicated with her very presence.”
We continued to speak into the early morning hours and Alan seemed eager to tell me about the development of his relationship with Margaret.
“It was her 26th birthday by the time we each realised that what we felt for each other was far more than any employer/employee relationship could ever represent. As a special treat, I invited her to my matrimonial home for a celebratory evening meal, and although my wife Amanda was going through one of her depressive and moody periods at the time, she nevertheless tried to be a sociable hostess for the evening.
When the time came for Margaret to go home, she thanked us profusely and said she had to be making tracks to relieve her babysitter. I naturally insisted on driving her back home to her rented cottage in Oakworth.”
“We arrived outside her small cottage off Station Road, and for around three minutes we sat still, surrounded by an uneasy silence. I hoped that any thoughts in her mind were the very same thoughts that were in mine! Margaret was the first to break the silence by thanking me and Amanda once more for the birthday meal.”
“It was her 26th birthday by the time we each realised that what we felt for each other was far more than any employer/employee relationship could ever represent. As a special treat, I invited her to my matrimonial home for a celebratory evening meal, and although my wife Amanda was going through one of her depressive and moody periods at the time, she nevertheless tried to be a sociable hostess for the evening.
When the time came for Margaret to go home, she thanked us profusely and said she had to be making tracks to relieve her babysitter. I naturally insisted on driving her back home to her rented cottage in Oakworth.”
“We arrived outside her small cottage off Station Road, and for around three minutes we sat still, surrounded by an uneasy silence. I hoped that any thoughts in her mind were the very same thoughts that were in mine! Margaret was the first to break the silence by thanking me and Amanda once more for the birthday meal.”
“Amanda and I had ceased all physical contact within our marriage a year earlier, Bill, and she even preferred her own bedroom these days, using my loud snoring as an excuse to sleep alone.”
“I remember how seductive Margaret looked that night in her free-flowing dress as she sat in my car. Before getting out of the car, Margaret paused in momentary thought and looked at me kindly. We kissed gently on the lips. While not being a kiss of passion, it was enough for the moment, and was certainly enough to keep me hoping for greater possibilities. Although I would have liked our kiss to have been longer, and while I was unsure which of us instigated it, it felt good and seemed a perfect ending to a lovely evening. Though the kiss was not of the fulsome variety, I could hear her breathing pattern and sense the involuntary movement of her beating breast as her lips touched mine"
“I remember how seductive Margaret looked that night in her free-flowing dress as she sat in my car. Before getting out of the car, Margaret paused in momentary thought and looked at me kindly. We kissed gently on the lips. While not being a kiss of passion, it was enough for the moment, and was certainly enough to keep me hoping for greater possibilities. Although I would have liked our kiss to have been longer, and while I was unsure which of us instigated it, it felt good and seemed a perfect ending to a lovely evening. Though the kiss was not of the fulsome variety, I could hear her breathing pattern and sense the involuntary movement of her beating breast as her lips touched mine"
“I don’t know what came over me, Bill, but I was overcome by the urge to pull her back inside the car, which I did, and I kissed her again; this time much more passionately than we had first kissed. Although no objection was raised to physically reject my embrace of passion, she implored, ‘Not here, Alan. The neighbours will see us. Come inside the house. Timothy will have been put to bed long ago.’”
“I was anxious and extremely excited as I entered her cottage for the first time. Margaret thanked the baby sitter, gave her some money for her services while she offered me a grounded coffee.”
“After the babysitting neighbour had gone and we were alone in the lounge, Margaret checked on Timothy and returned about five minutes later. Suddenly, that initial embarrassment which had occurred inside the car when we first kissed reappeared as an awkwardness of what to do next presented itself to each of us.”
“Ah, coffee!” Margaret said to break the silence between us. “Forget the coffee,” I replied as I approached her, put my arms around her waist and kissed her passionately. She responded with equal passion before saying, “Oh, Alan, this can’t happen. What about Amanda?”
“Our marriage ended years ago,” I told her, adding, “We are married in name only, Margaret.”
“That may be so,” she replied “but let’s take things slowly. It’s been a while for me, and my last experience with a man is one that I’d sooner forget!”
“You don’t know what you mean to me, Margaret,” I told her. “You can’t know! For over sixteen months now, my day hasn’t begun until I’ve seen you. It’s been placed on hold until you arrive at the office each morning. Then, once I’ve seen you, all is well with the world again and I feel happy once more. You’re driving me mad, woman, if you did but know it!”
“Our marriage ended years ago,” I told her, adding, “We are married in name only, Margaret.”
“That may be so,” she replied “but let’s take things slowly. It’s been a while for me, and my last experience with a man is one that I’d sooner forget!”
“You don’t know what you mean to me, Margaret,” I told her. “You can’t know! For over sixteen months now, my day hasn’t begun until I’ve seen you. It’s been placed on hold until you arrive at the office each morning. Then, once I’ve seen you, all is well with the world again and I feel happy once more. You’re driving me mad, woman, if you did but know it!”
“We slumped down onto the lounge sofa, embraced and started to kiss. In our rush to embrace, I slid off the sofa onto the floor and we both laughed out loudly.”
“As she fell on top of me, her dress rode up her thigh revealing the top of her slender legs and the rim of her white knickers. The sudden sight of her undergarments and the pinkiness of her flesh turned me on, Bill, and I knew that my sexual feelings were fast approaching the boil.”
“I’m sorry, Margaret,” I said, adding, “but I must stop; not because I want to stop, but because I’m afraid that if I don’t stop now I’ll not be able to stop and will go all the way!”
“She looked at me intensely and sensing the wanton lust in my eyes said, “That’s okay, Alan, if you really want to do it, but please be gentle with me. It’s been a long time.”
“Margaret stood up and slowly removed her dress and I started to unbutton my trousers. Seeing her standing there in her knickers and bra really turned me on, but being too eager to have her, I found myself in a state of premature ejaculation. I was ashamed, Bill. Never had this happened to me in all my years of courtship and marriage!”
“Sensing my acute embarrassment, Margaret lightly laughed it off and said, ‘It looks like I might have to dress and undress again to get you back to where we should be now, doesn’t it, Alan?’”
“She had this easy way of making an awkward situation less anxious, Bill. Anyway, within ten minutes of lying in each other’s arms, my body was up for it again, and this time, with a bit of encouragement from Margaret, all went well. It felt good, Bill; so good to be entwined with a sensual woman again. Not wishing to hurt her, I kept needing reassurance from her that I wasn’t being too rough in my love making. I didn't want to hurt her in my desire to taste every little bit of her.”
“Sensing my acute embarrassment, Margaret lightly laughed it off and said, ‘It looks like I might have to dress and undress again to get you back to where we should be now, doesn’t it, Alan?’”
“She had this easy way of making an awkward situation less anxious, Bill. Anyway, within ten minutes of lying in each other’s arms, my body was up for it again, and this time, with a bit of encouragement from Margaret, all went well. It felt good, Bill; so good to be entwined with a sensual woman again. Not wishing to hurt her, I kept needing reassurance from her that I wasn’t being too rough in my love making. I didn't want to hurt her in my desire to taste every little bit of her.”
“Afterwards, we lay there breathless, but happy. When I eventually left to return home that night, I knew that my world had demonstrably changed and could never be the same for me again. And do you know what was the strangest thing of all, Bill? I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt in going all the way with Margaret that night and neither did I feel that I’d betrayed my sham of a marriage! I’d not the slightest bit of remorse and harboured no desire to put back the clock.”
“That was the first time we made love. We parted that night with a loving kiss. Ever since that night, Bill, we’ve been lovers; seeing each other privately twice weekly on average. We can usually be alone in the office at the end of the day without fear of interruption after the drivers have finished, and as far as Amanda is concerned, it’s just one more night of her husband working late and one more reason for her to have another drink, empty the bottle and hide it before I get back home!”
“For over fourteen years now we have managed to keep our affair secret and you’re the first person I’ve ever told. I hope that my guilt hasn’t unnecessarily burdened you, Bill?”
“Not at all Alan,” I replied. “I’m just glad that you feel able to talk to me in any way that helps you.”
“That was the first time we made love. We parted that night with a loving kiss. Ever since that night, Bill, we’ve been lovers; seeing each other privately twice weekly on average. We can usually be alone in the office at the end of the day without fear of interruption after the drivers have finished, and as far as Amanda is concerned, it’s just one more night of her husband working late and one more reason for her to have another drink, empty the bottle and hide it before I get back home!”
“For over fourteen years now we have managed to keep our affair secret and you’re the first person I’ve ever told. I hope that my guilt hasn’t unnecessarily burdened you, Bill?”
“Not at all Alan,” I replied. “I’m just glad that you feel able to talk to me in any way that helps you.”
