Chapter One:
‘Nancy Swales becomes the Widow Swales’
Nancy Swales (Nee Southers), was 58 years of age although she didn’t look a day over 40. For the past four years Nancy had been a widow and because she always insisted upon being addressed as ‘Widow Swales,’ most of the Portlaw residents believed that she was still pining for her dearly departed husband while some thought that she rather enjoyed the status of widowhood.
Indeed, she wore black on the day of her husband’s funeral along with a black veil and it was this very same attire of mourning outfit that she’d worn every day since. The villagers perceived her as being in a constant state of bereavement for her dearly departed husband Sam.
Whenever she wasn't out, Nancy would slip off her shoes and replace them with her dancing shoes. Indeed, the only shoes that she ever felt comfortable in were her dancing shoes!
Indeed, she wore black on the day of her husband’s funeral along with a black veil and it was this very same attire of mourning outfit that she’d worn every day since. The villagers perceived her as being in a constant state of bereavement for her dearly departed husband Sam.
Whenever she wasn't out, Nancy would slip off her shoes and replace them with her dancing shoes. Indeed, the only shoes that she ever felt comfortable in were her dancing shoes!
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Widow Swales lived at 14, William Street, Portlaw in the county of Waterford. She had been born the only child to a farmer and his wife from Limerick. Her parents had always hoped that their little girl would join the holy sisterhood when she grew up and they tended to dress her in black whenever the occasion allowed it, believing that this colour might encourage her to identify with the holy sisterhood.
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But joining holy orders could not have been farther from young Nancy’s mind. To Nancy, life was too short for it to be spent within the high walls of a monastery and besides, come Friday evening after she’d finished her day’s work at MaCoon’s Bakery in Brown Street, it was the sound of the dance hall that beckoned her and not Matins in the cloister!
Every Friday evening young Nancy would be out dancing the night away; never returning to her home until the crack of dawn. Indeed, sometimes she’d be so late returning home that she wouldn’t even bother going to sleep until after she’d milked the forty eight cows on her parents' dairy farm.
Every Friday evening young Nancy would be out dancing the night away; never returning to her home until the crack of dawn. Indeed, sometimes she’d be so late returning home that she wouldn’t even bother going to sleep until after she’d milked the forty eight cows on her parents' dairy farm.
Nancy parents were tragically involved in a fatal train accident during her 24th year of life while on their way to a day out in Dublin. She grieved their loss enormously, especially as she had no siblings with whom to share her feelings and to seek mutual comfort.
At the time, the only person in her life who was close enough for her to turn to was her man friend and dancing partner, Sam Swales. Nancy and Sam had been courting for several months and although no clear commitment had been spoken of, both naturally assumed that they would one day marry each other. Not wishing to spend life being any unhappier for a moment longer than was necessary, their wedding was advanced. Nancy therefore married her husband a mere seven months after meeting him and though she loved him in her own way, she hoped that time and familiarity would make their love grow stronger.
Sam Swales was a good looking chap who was two years older than his bride. He had been reared in a succession of foster homes since his mother had abandoned him at birth and he’d never known a real father and mother; merely substitute adults who had occasionally offered him a modicum of affection along the way. However, orphan though he be, what suited Nancy most about Sam was his dancing skills. Sam seemed to possess a natural rhythm when it came to taking to the dance floor and there wasn’t a dance which he hadn’t mastered to perfection. Nancy loved dancing with Sam so much that rather than look for another dance partner to her liking, she was prepared to give way to Sam in all his amorous advances rather than to risk losing him to another girl on the floor.
Four months after their marriage in Portlaw during the spring of 1924, a delighted Nancy discovered that she was pregnant with a child she’d wanted so much. Nancy told her husband that they would have to leave off their weekly dancing for a while until the child was old enough to leave with a babysitter. Without the experience of never having had siblings, both parties looked forward to welcoming a child of their own into the world, especially Sam who had never really known any proper family.
While any newly wed couple appreciate time together during the early stages of their marriage in order to cement their relationship, becoming a parent was something which was so dear to their wishes that neither objected to a baby entering into their family too soon in their marital union.
While any newly wed couple appreciate time together during the early stages of their marriage in order to cement their relationship, becoming a parent was something which was so dear to their wishes that neither objected to a baby entering into their family too soon in their marital union.
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Sam had never known his natural parents and had spent almost all his early life in numerous foster homes and Children’s Homes; many of which he’d run away from before being apprehended by the authorities and being returned there. When Sam came to live in Carrick-on-Suir and first saw Nancy on the dance floor, he just knew that she was the woman with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life. He got a job at the Tannery in Portlaw just to be near Nancy and took up lodgings nearby on the Carrick-on-Suir Road.
The death of Nancy’s parents and the subsequent sale of their farm and livestock left Nancy materially well-provided for and enabled her to purchase a small property in the heart of Portlaw outright. The couple set up home at 14 William Street in Portlaw and prepared for the birth of their offspring in the autumn months.
Had she wished, Nancy could have purchased a magnificent country house with the size of her inheritance, but she wanted to use the bulk of any spare money to give to children they might have in order to provide them with a good start in life.
Seven months into their marriage in late 1924, Nancy suffered a fall and lost her child as a consequence. Subsequent tests revealed that the injury had more or less ensured that she would never be able to have any more children. The loss of her child-to-be left her grief stricken, especially as she hadn’t yet got over the sudden death of her parents.
Had she wished, Nancy could have purchased a magnificent country house with the size of her inheritance, but she wanted to use the bulk of any spare money to give to children they might have in order to provide them with a good start in life.
Seven months into their marriage in late 1924, Nancy suffered a fall and lost her child as a consequence. Subsequent tests revealed that the injury had more or less ensured that she would never be able to have any more children. The loss of her child-to-be left her grief stricken, especially as she hadn’t yet got over the sudden death of her parents.
For almost one year after the loss of their child, Nancy suffered emotional disturbance and remained deeply depressed. During this period she more or less became a hermit. Never a night passed when she experienced sleep that wasn't interrupted by the most horrible of nightmares in which she saw ghostly images of her child, no longer breathing life in this world.
She seemed to be suffering a reactive form of deep depression and for a time, her husband Sam feared for both her life and sanity. She refused to go out of doors and left all shopping and other necessary errands to her husband Sam to carry out. Every day Sam went off to work, though he constantly worried about his depressed spouse as he worked upon his task in the Tannery. He knew that during bad times, Nancy had even voiced suicidal thoughts and his greatest fear was that one evening he’d return from a day’s work at the Tannery and find her dead on the house floor!
She seemed to be suffering a reactive form of deep depression and for a time, her husband Sam feared for both her life and sanity. She refused to go out of doors and left all shopping and other necessary errands to her husband Sam to carry out. Every day Sam went off to work, though he constantly worried about his depressed spouse as he worked upon his task in the Tannery. He knew that during bad times, Nancy had even voiced suicidal thoughts and his greatest fear was that one evening he’d return from a day’s work at the Tannery and find her dead on the house floor!
After about eighteen months, Sam knew that Nancy’s depression was too protracted, especially after she refused to allow him to clear out the room which had been intended for their infant; the baby room that the couple had prepared for the birth of their offspring. To her way of twisted thinking, it was as though having cleared the baby room would have placed a sort of finality upon events and the death of the unborn child could not have been denied by her any longer. For whatever reason, she still had this need to feel pregnant.
Instead, Nancy clung on to the memory of being pregnant in any way she knew how and she continued to dream of becoming an actual mother to her own child. When Sam noticed Nancy stuffing a pillow up her sweater to give her the look of pregnancy one evening when he arrived home earlier than expected, he became greatly alarmed. It would seem that for many months during her husband's absence, as soon as Sam went off to work at the Tannery on a morning that Nancy would artificially create a large stomach for herself that mimicked pregnancy. Five minutes before he was due to return home at the end of the day, she would extract the pillow from beneath her clothing and resume her natural shape and size. Then Nancy really worried Sam when she purchased a rocking horse for the redundant child’s room, which she hadn’t allowed him to clear. It was a rocking horse with wings attached, or as Nancy said, ‘A horse for a heavenly babe’.
Instead, Nancy clung on to the memory of being pregnant in any way she knew how and she continued to dream of becoming an actual mother to her own child. When Sam noticed Nancy stuffing a pillow up her sweater to give her the look of pregnancy one evening when he arrived home earlier than expected, he became greatly alarmed. It would seem that for many months during her husband's absence, as soon as Sam went off to work at the Tannery on a morning that Nancy would artificially create a large stomach for herself that mimicked pregnancy. Five minutes before he was due to return home at the end of the day, she would extract the pillow from beneath her clothing and resume her natural shape and size. Then Nancy really worried Sam when she purchased a rocking horse for the redundant child’s room, which she hadn’t allowed him to clear. It was a rocking horse with wings attached, or as Nancy said, ‘A horse for a heavenly babe’.
A special home visit by a consultant psychiatrist didn’t produce any additional explanation for her behaviour other than it being one of ‘reactive grief’, which had led on from her double death experience. The consultant told Sam that his wife’s grieving process had been unfortunately aggravated by a second tragedy occurring in her life before she had been able to emotionally resolve the first traumatic event; the death of her parents. The only thing that the psychiatrist could suggest was to try to get Nancy involved in doing something constructive to give her mind some temporary respite. He said that the activity could be anything, preferably something she liked and enjoyed doing. He said that she needed a distraction of something which would occupy her mind and take her thoughts off her parents and dead child and place them somewhere less morbid.
Sam Swales was a good man who was always considerate to the needs of his wife and after almost two years of her extensive mourning he eventually persuaded her to take up their joint love of ballroom dancing once more. However depressed Nancy had been and however out of love with life she had allowed herself to become, she still loved the sound of the ballroom floor, especially Latin Dance music which she and Sam had so enjoyed before her pregnancy. They'd first started off with a gentle waltz followed by the quickstep. This gradual re-introduction of dancing into Nancy's life enabled the couple to build back up to their favourite Latin American style of ballroom dancing.
However much any part of Nancy wanted to dance, she felt simply unable to return to dancing in the public arena. Indeed, she had become a total hermit to the outside world. Only Sam now enjoyed daily access to her. Nancy had no desire to ever associate with the world outside again and going to the dance hall was a distinct no-no. While Nancy still absolutely refused to set foot outside the house, her husband Sam found that she could be more easily persuaded to dance with him during evening hours with the aid of a gramophone that had belonged to Nancy’s parents and a pile of dance band records they had accumulated over the years.
Dancing had been their first true love. It had brought them together and had eventually taken them into marriage. It would also prove to be responsible for lifting Nancy away from the dark gates of hell and keeping the embers of their marriage alight during the years ahead. The main downside to this strategy employed by Sam was that it made his wife ‘over-dependent’ on his constant presence in the home. He had effectively become 'her world'.
While Nancy did not feel able to leave the house, she frequently found the absence of her husband from it during his working day almost unbearable and spent the whole of the day waiting for Sam to return home as she played dance music on the gramophone to keep her sane. Had she not played her dancing music during Sam's absence, she would have been in grave danger of giving way to her often suicidal thoughts.
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The Portlaw villagers naturally gossiped about never seeing Nancy Swales outside her home since the day she’d fallen and had lost her child-to-be. They speculated as to why she should choose to live a hermit’s existence and never do anything other than play her old gramophone day and night.
Whenever anyone called to see Nancy, she always refused to open the door and would speak to the visitor through a closed door; simply assuring them that she was okay and that she was too busy to talk with them. If ever anyone called during evening hours after her husband Sam was at home, their knocking would go unanswered and loud dance music being played inside could always be heard. Sam respected his wife's decision to not associate with her neighbours, although he would have wished it to have been otherwise.
Whenever anyone called to see Nancy, she always refused to open the door and would speak to the visitor through a closed door; simply assuring them that she was okay and that she was too busy to talk with them. If ever anyone called during evening hours after her husband Sam was at home, their knocking would go unanswered and loud dance music being played inside could always be heard. Sam respected his wife's decision to not associate with her neighbours, although he would have wished it to have been otherwise.
This state of affairs carried on for over thirty years until the day her husband Sam had an industrial accident at the Tannery and was killed when he fell into a vat of chemicals. At first, Nancy, wouldn’t open the house door to allow the person in to tell her about her husband’s tragic death so fearing that she might do something bad to herself, they forced entry.
Nancy went absolutely wild to have had her privacy intruded upon and needed to be heavily sedated. They put her to bed and her neighbour Bridie Lowe agreed to tend to her over the next day or two until the doctor felt reassured that she could once more be safely left on her own. Sam's body was prepared and after being placed in a coffin, it lay in a room next to the lounge. Nancy refused to look at it. Indeed, she even tried to deny its very presence, as to acknowledge such would have been to acknowledge that Sam was indeed dead and that she was alone in her life once more.
For the next two days Nancy was as grief stricken as it was possible for a person to be and during this time she did absolutely nothing except to look out of her window and await her husband Sam arriving home after the Tannery hooter had gone to signify the end of their working day. When Sam didn't come home and the realisation started to dawn on Nancy that he would never be coming home again, Nancy just cried non stop. Eventually she forced herself to visit Sam's coffin in the next room where it rested and for hours she stroked his cold brow tenderly and cried some more over it.
For the next two days Nancy was as grief stricken as it was possible for a person to be and during this time she did absolutely nothing except to look out of her window and await her husband Sam arriving home after the Tannery hooter had gone to signify the end of their working day. When Sam didn't come home and the realisation started to dawn on Nancy that he would never be coming home again, Nancy just cried non stop. Eventually she forced herself to visit Sam's coffin in the next room where it rested and for hours she stroked his cold brow tenderly and cried some more over it.
It was her husband’s funeral which brought the widow back into public view once more when she attended his burial service. When the Widow Swales attended his burial one week later, few folk in Portlaw would have known for certain whether it had been Nancy Swales at the graveside or some other stand-in pretending to be Sam’s wife. You see, nobody in Portlaw had set eyes on Nancy Swales for over thirty years apart from her husband Sam, the parish priest who occasionally called to hear her confession and bring her communion once a month, the consultant psychiatrist, the local doctor and Bridie Lowe who had laid out the body and had tended to Nancy for two days following Sam's tragic death.
As Sam Swales’ coffin was lowered into the ground, his widow Nancy stood there in her black veil and mourning garb with all and sundry hoping to catch a glimpse of the widow’s face if she lifted the veil to dab her eye with a handkerchief or had occasion to blow her nose.
As Sam Swales’ coffin was lowered into the ground, his widow Nancy stood there in her black veil and mourning garb with all and sundry hoping to catch a glimpse of the widow’s face if she lifted the veil to dab her eye with a handkerchief or had occasion to blow her nose.
Naturally the villagers thought that now her husband had been so suddenly taken from the widow, she might become more amenable to receiving visitors to her home. But Nancy still kept her door closed to visitors. Sometimes a passing neighbour might catch a glimpse of her sneaking a look out of her curtained window as she listened for the sound of the Tannery men walking back to their homes in William Street.
However, Nancy hadn’t changed much in the past thirty years with one exception. Thanks to the nightly occupation of her and Sam dancing between the hours of seven pm and ten pm every evening without fail, Nancy had now become a superb ballroom dancer. Indeed she was so accomplished that had she and Sam ever entered any ballroom dance competition in the whole of Ireland during the past five years they would have won every class outright and walked away with the cup every time!
Nancy's preoccupation with her nightly dancing with her husband since the termination of her pregnancy had resulted in her becoming totally isolated from any other person or activity in Portlaw. Nancy had unfortunately become very withdrawn over the past three decades and in spite of her dancing-skill accomplishments, she had effectively lost the art of socially mixing and holding a simple conversation with people in general. She had become over-dependent on her husband during the years prior to his death as he was the only person whom she saw and spoke with daily. When he died and left her daily presence, Nancy felt so alone and helpless.
Shortly after her husband had died, a stray cat had turned up at the widow’s home. Feeling sorry for the cat, she’d taken in the stray, fed it and kept it there until it had got its strength back. The cat had previously given birth to four dead kittens and this tragic set of circumstances had led to Nancy to closely identify with it.
Often when the cat looked towards Nancy, she wondered if the spirit of her dead husband had been responsible for sending the creature to her, knowing how lonely she would now feel without his daily presence.
Having immediately identified with this cat and its sad plight, Nancy somehow felt that this stray cat and she had been destined to cross paths. Being black in fur from head to toe, she believed that the black cat might bring her some good luck for once in her life, so she named the cat ‘Lucky’.
Often when the cat looked towards Nancy, she wondered if the spirit of her dead husband had been responsible for sending the creature to her, knowing how lonely she would now feel without his daily presence.
Having immediately identified with this cat and its sad plight, Nancy somehow felt that this stray cat and she had been destined to cross paths. Being black in fur from head to toe, she believed that the black cat might bring her some good luck for once in her life, so she named the cat ‘Lucky’.
Another departure that Nancy made from her usual routine since becoming a widow was that she would now allow herself outdoors around Portlaw and was occasionally seen out and about during the course of daytime hours. That is to say her shape and her body could be observed going to and fro into and out of Portlaw or visiting her husband’s graveside plot in the nearby church cemetery, but her identity always remained heavily concealed beneath her widow’s black veil and black clothes, which she’d worn everyday since her husband’s burial and which she refused to take off in public.
