Blog Archives - FordeFables

March 31st, 2018.

31/3/2018

Thought for today:
"Despite all the advances in car manufacture and heavy vehicles such as lorries and buses over the past fifty years, they don't make drivers today that can match the skill of drivers then. In my young days, a driver of an articulated lorry could spin on a sixpence while eating a jam butty.

For three years during the early 1960s, I drove taxis between 10.00 pm and 1.00 am to earn some extra money to save for my bottom drawer. I drove for Charlies' Taxis, who had a small hut near the old Cleckheaton Bus Station. My wage was one shilling and thruppence per hour, plus any tips the customer gave us. There was no taxi licence or age requirement then as far as Charlie was concerned, so long as you could handle his Cortina vehicles. He had three taxis, the newest being seven years old and the oldest, twelve years. The longest-serving taxi driver got the best car and the newcomer got the worst vehicle.

Charlie lived his life (or rather got by) and operated his three-car taxi business on a shoe-string budget. None of his cars was ever road worthy and God only knows what would have happened had some taxi driver or passenger incurred a serious or fatal accident, as Charlie had no medical insurance to cover that eventuality. Why I've known him get prosecuted a number of times for having no car insurance or road tax. As for 'making do', unless the tyres on the taxis had done 50,000 miles, they were staying. Many were the time when I did a complete U-turn in the road on bald tyres. One passenger once berated me saying,'Hey, mate. I paid to get straight home to Heckmondwike, not have a spin on the Waltzer!' I even recall arriving back to the taxi hut one night it had been snowing, and as I drove through the bus station, three of my four car tyres were so bald that they had each caught fire!

All drivers were bolder and some might say, dafter in those days. I was even told by an old resident of Haworth who was in his nineties that buses have been known to drive up the steep cobbled incline of Main Street in the snow as a matter of course. I also heard of the Haworth bus driver learner-test. When a learner driver was able to travel across the narrow route of Black Moor Road and pass an oncoming bus on a snowy day; only then could he be considered as ready to take his standard test, and he'd be allowed a provisional licence until he got more advanced.

These modern drivers don't know they're born today!" William Forde: March 1st, 2018.

March 30th, 2018.

30/3/2018

Thought for today:
Today remembers that day 2000 years ago when Jesus died on the cross so that we might know how to live. He loved every person and charges us with expressing our love towards each other. He forgave his persecutors and asks us to forgive in turn, those who don't always side with us and our way of life. This is the Good Friday message. Some might say this message is the same as the one below but merely expressed differently.

'Walk with me through life and my dog will accompany you to the ends of the earth because he loves me as much as any creature is capable of loving; as much as I love you, and as much as we love God.'

A very Happy Easter everyone."William Forde: March 30th, 2018.

March 29th, 2018.

29/3/2018

Thought for today:
"Some people behave like drama queens. They first overreact to something they don't like and after making a great fuss and palaver, they resume their more normal 'on edge' disposition, at the ready to flare up again at the next small spark of disagreement.

In short, they like to make storms in a teacup and then complain about getting splashed (mad). They are their own worst enemies and yet, this type of behaviour isn't confined to nasty people alone. I know many a good person who cannot seem to exist unless they are at the centre of a perpetual crisis; usually one of their own making or design. There will always be a problem in their life or on the horizon because the maelstrom of their mind will always look for one!

I recall hearing of a couple of long-term elderly residents in an Old Folk's Home. Neither of the two had spoken to one another for many years, yet they daily entered into battle; talking about each other disparagingly to other residents and overall pulling the other person down. Despite this long silence of over a decade's duration, neither could remember what had been the cause of their original fall out. Their daily disagreeable discourse continued to be carried out for a full fourteen years and only stopped when one of the two male residents died in their sleep, aged ninety-two.

I was told that while no apparent remorse was initially expressed by the surviving protagonist, he nevertheless entered into a permanent state of bereavement after the funeral until he also died some three weeks later. It was thought that the death of one had taken away the life purpose of the other.

Life is too short and is far too sweet to waste in quarrelsome mood and cantankerous mind. Life is for living and enjoying to the full. Few of us truly appreciate this great gift we have when we wake up on a morning to face the day ahead. We think we do, we say we do, but we truly don't until death stares us in the face. It one of mankind's greatest ironies that we never fully appreciate what we have until we don't have it anymore.

The loudest wake-up call I ever got was to be told that I had a terminal illness over four years ago; and yet it is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I know that most of you reading this post will consider me as somebody who has flipped his lid; a man living in cloud cuckoo land, but you could not be more wrong!

Whilst, during that four years I have continued to breathe, I have been able to experience every second as a 'precious moment'. Healthy people with normal life-expectancy experience each second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year they breathe as being 'a second: a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year', (some good, some fair, and some bad); whereas every second I continue to live and breathe, I experience as being 'precious'. It is as though God has turned the world upside down by giving me a quality of life and appreciation that normal healthy folk can never know.

It's a wonderful world that God gave us. Have a good day out there." William Forde: March 29th, 2018.

March 28th, 2018.

28/3/2018

”Thought for today:
"You must take responsibility for your own life. You can't keep blaming someone else for your disappointments. Life is really about seizing the moment and moving on, not looking back in permanent regret. Do not let the past steal your present. No one has ever been known to get a life looking backwards instead of forward, where one's future lies. Let the past bury its own dead; you've got your future to look forward to!

If you want to love life for all its worth, you must first learn to value it. Look always in the direction where 'positivism' is to be found. This requires one being constantly channelled into an energy force that is determined to do good. Everything around us is made up of energy and therefore, to attract all things positive in our lives, starts with yourself giving off positive energy.

Positive people believe in self as well as others. I am always doing things that others tell me I cannot do. That is how I get them done. I will not be defined by what others think of me or by 'what I did,' as opposed to 'what I do.' I refuse to be prodded, pressurised and pushed by problems when being led by my dreams makes me a more content individual. In the final analysis, there are only two ways to live one's life. One way is to believe that nothing is a miracle and the other is to believe that everything is! Looking around at the birth of a child and all the mystery of nature and its four seasons, I much prefer to believe the latter.

So look forward to tomorrow by being purposeful in all you do today. One of the biggest mistakes in life is to travel through it without purpose or self-belief. If we are wise, we will always have a goal to pursue. The trouble with not having a goal to direct you is akin to spending your life running up and down the football field and never scoring!" March 28th, 2018

March 27th, 2018

27/3/2018

Thought for today:
"My dear father died 27 years ago today. Of all the good things he accomplished in life, the best thing he ever did was to marry my mum! In many ways, my mother was the opposite to dad, and the best way to understand the kind of man he was is to know my mother well and to ascribe to dad all of her opposite character traits, with the exception of four which they shared in equal abundance; sheer goodness, generosity, industriousness and love of their children.

All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe to my parents, but mostly my mother. While it required both mum and dad to give me life, my mother gave me soul and infused me with the belief that anything is possible if you never disown or disgrace yourself, your background or your God. I was taught to honour all three by my mother. My dad who had been reared during a time when a man's word was his bond added, 'Honour your word' as the fourth commandment of the Forde family. The first three children of the family were born in Southern Ireland and the next four were born in West Yorkshire. As the photo above shows, I have always been bonnier than the next two girls in the chain of command.

Next month will be the anniversary of my dear mother's death who died at the early age of 64 years. At least, Dad could once say he bested her when he reached 75 years. Although their great grandchildren never knew them, they meet them on every occasion that they come across one or more of the Forde clan. Some even see their features daily in the image of their children, though they may not recognize it as readily as myself and siblings.

Although a non-academic who left school to work as soon as she entered her early teens, my mum was nevertheless a woman of substance who taught all seven of her children the finest lesson of all; to look out for each other as long as we live. Her education may have been unfinished, but her wisdom and depth of thought was profound and started each of her children in their journey of life along a wholesome road. She was a born storyteller or as others may prefer to have described her, 'a teller of tall truths' and I'm sure that my sixty-seven published books are down to her indirect influence. Dad also left school before his education was complete to enter the market of work. He never experienced the same close family bond with his parents as mum did, and for the whole of his life, he never came across as being a tactile person. It was not until after mum died that he started to become more expressive and was prepared to show his more vulnerable side.

Mum always encouraged the honest expression of one's feelings at the moment of their birth, whereas dad rarely revealed what he was thinking. She never thought to cry to be unmanly and believed that tears are the raw expression of the bravest of thoughts. I only ever saw my dad cry once, after I told him that I was getting a divorce. I never quite knew if he was crying for me or the possible loss of my soul and slight to Catholic Church orthodoxy.

Mum also said to think before speaking as one can never retrieve the spoken word nor get back the stone after the throw. One of her nicest pieces of wisdom though was when she told us to walk gently through the world as we are not always aware when we tread upon the fragile feelings of others. She also said that we should know the earth's beauty all the days of our life. Dad never came across as being the romantic type, although mum said that he would cycle thirty miles each way midweek when they were courting, just to see her in Portlaw where they went walking the fields and meadows.

I remember the last time I saw mum looking out of the hospital window from her bed in Staincliffe Hospital the day before she died. I had just spent an hour visiting her and said that I'd visit again tomorrow. She was smiling. My last image of dad was to see him in tremendous pain in his flat in Liversedge. He had seemingly had a stomach cancer for at least two years before he died from it, and had never once sought medical assistance for it. To dad, there were always people worse than himself who needed the attention of the medical services more.

My mum wasn't faultless by any stretch of the imagination, but by God, she was a good person and a loving mother. I would best describe her as being a perfect example of how to find oneself and remain happy and content with the person found. Through the very example of hers and dad's existence, they taught me the two most treasured lessons that any set of parents could teach their child. Mum taught me 'how to live happily' and dad taught me 'how to die with dignity'. Mum's secret was simple; never keep your love distant from others and always keep a smile close by. Dad's secret was to always stay close to God and dignity will stay with you until the end.

My father also was far from faultless. He cared too much about 'image' and how one presented themselves to the neighbours. His shoes were always polished to the point that one could see one's face look back at you, whereas mums would be frequently scuffed. My mother's favourite taunt of dad was, 'I've known murderers, Paddy, who could see the reflection of their crimes as they were committing them in their highly polished shoes!' Another favourite taunt of mums was, 'If only the neighbours could see and hear you now, Paddy. They'd soon see the gentleman you're not!'

My parents were no different to lots of other parents of the time with many children to care and provide for. Their marriages could be separated into three parts; the loving years, the practical years and the reconciling years when all the children have grown and flown the nest. Being their firstborn, I enjoyed their most loving years, which made my grounding as happy and as emotionally stable as it could have been. By the time that the youngest two children were born, I'd left home and rows between them grew more frequent and intensive. They were never violent arguments they had; they merely demonstrated to the other the quickest way of throwing a pan across the room, or how to smash a pot against a wall into a thousand pieces!

I often wondered how mum and dad ever managed to get together in the first place, with them being so dissimilar in character traits. Dad was shy and non-expressive; a man who didn't mix easily, whereas mum could make friends with any stranger or the first beggar she met. My mother's greatest criticism of dad was that he didn't dance, enjoy a drink, sing or have fun. Dad never drunk apart from the odd half on family occasions; largely because his own father drank too much. Dad never danced in his life, (except on the football field when he played soccer for Ireland), and although mum might never have heard him sing, there were two songs that he always sang in the bathroom when getting a bath, 'Some Enchanted Evening' and 'Sweet Sixteen.' Myself and sisters Mary and Eileen would giggle as we listened to him outside the bathroom door.

Dad was 'too religious by half' according to mum. Whereas he would always be knelt down in his pew on a Sunday morning, a good ten minutes before Mass started, Mum always arrived five minutes late and left five minutes early to have a quick smoke outside. Mum always said, 'An hour's sermon is long enough for anyone to get to heaven. I've things to do! Things to do!' As for tobacco, dad hated smoking whereas mum was a chain smoker. Everytime mum lit up a cigarette in the house, dad would open one of the windows, whatever the season. It was often like living in an open field.

Given all of these differences between my parents, I once asked mum why she had married dad. Her reply was, 'Billy, apart from being pregnant with you at the time, how could I not marry him? He was handsome and played football for Kilkenny and the Irish soccer squad; and besides, I was ready for leaving home: and I loved him!'

God bless you Dad from your oldest child, Billy. I only knew you to sing two songs in the whole of your life, while mum would sing all day long, every day. Your two songs were, 'Some Enchanted Evening' and 'Sweet Sixteen'. I have sung 'Some Enchanted Evening' this morning for you and will sing 'Sweet Sixteen for you this evening to celebrate your life as head of the Forde Family.x"William Forde: March 27th, 2018.

https://youtu.be/9YXJBZWRbFc

March 26th, 2018.

26/3/2018

Thought for today:
"While I am a great believer in the process of 'kiss and make up,' there are some reconciliations that I could never feel quite comfortable with.

For instance; if someone has been a lifelong foe, and for whatever stated reasons they suddenly start snuggling up to me affectionately and want to make peace. That is a time when my innate suspicions and sense of mistrust would begin to rise and I would find myself in danger of being highly sceptical of their true motives.

I would find this baser nature of mine placing the power of 'positivism' and 'negativism' in direct conflict with each other. Momentarily, I would find myself overriding my better conscience and my belief in the saying, 'everyone deserves a second chance.' Then, just as Satan smiled at the prospect of securing himself another soul convert, I'd hear my late mother's voice in the background and would find myself having been pulled back towards the gates of goodness once more from the jaws of hell.

Mum would say, 'Stay positive, Billy and believe. Believe in truth, love, sincerity, trust, self and God. Believe in these things and all things will become possible; even a hungry fox comforting a poorly chicken.'

In later life, one of my two most popular children's books that sold over 50,000 copies and which the late Princess Diana asked me to send her to read to the young Princes, William and Harry when they were respectively aged 9 and 7 years, was called 'Sleezy the Fox'. The book theme is 'Second chances' and the story plot involves the taming of a wild fox to the extent that the fox finishes up comforting poorly chickens instead of eating them!

In fact, the more I think about things, the more I am coming to fully appreciate just how much our past plays an active part and strong influence in most of what we do today and go on to do in later life; and although past, present and future are interdependent in the degree of influence they exercise over our mind and body, the three dimensions of our life remain connected from cradle to grave.

For instance, over the past two months, I have been engaging in daily singing practice to improve my lung functioning (which incidentally continues to gradually improve).

The strange thing is that all of the forty plus songs I have so far sung has a particular memory association in my mind that is connected to my past. This goes back to songs that my grandmother sang 70 years ago and my mother, father and uncles sang as far back as 50 years ago; along with places I've been to, films I saw as a young boy, and things I did as a young man.

It looks like we presently reside in the skeleton form of our past, and our experiences provide us with a bit of fresh meat on the bone. And, when we die and are buried, our flesh will gradually depart our body once more, leaving us a buried skeleton of memories we once held in another lifetime." William Forde: March 26th, 2018.

March 25th, 2018

25/3/2018

Thought for today:
"They do say that the best teachers to learn from are those tutors who show you where to look and not tell you what to look at; a teacher who seeks not to interpret the meaning of the image you see there.

Sixty-four years ago, I first came across the true meaning of meditation and relaxation after having incurred a bad traffic accident and being told that I'd never walk again. During this period when Western medicine offered me no realistic hope of ever being able to walk again I turned to Eastern methods and disciplines, lots of prayers, and I also I learned about the power of the imagination and how harnessing one's images and using one's visualisation can make the body do unbelievable things.

Twenty years later, I first became acquainted with Rogerian counselling; a 'client-centred' approach which is 'non-directive and non-judgemental.' This is a therapy where the client is cured through a process of finding and developing self-love. While most observers who are unfamiliar with this process will only see and hear a lot of 'ums' and 'ahs' from the counseller, I know that this approach can and has worked for many people who are prepared to undergo long-term therapy and who need to be 'listened to' more than 'reasoned with' or advised.

As a Probation Officer for most of my working life, I was naturally acquainted with the work of Sigmund Freud in my training, and while I found many of his psycho-analytical theories bizarre, I did find some of his work upon neurosis very pertinent. I later learned that often the only way to cure someone of a particular neurosis which badly hampered their life was to teach them to substitute it with a more innocuous neurosis.

Then, one night I was watching late night television and onto my screen came a rather inebriated psychiatrist called Ronald David Laing. This was in the early days of channel four and it was not unusual to see and hear all manner of things late into the early morning discussion programmes. Although Laing was half drunk at the time of his television discussion, he spoke a remarkable lot of sense. Laing appealed to me because he was a rebel; a revolutionary who held views which ran counter to the psychiatric orthodoxy of the day. He took the expressed feelings of his patients to be valid descriptions of their lived experiences rather than mere symptoms of some underlying disorder. For example, any patient who believed that they were King Henry the Fourth reincarnated was approached and spoken to by him as though they were King Henry the Fourth and not some nut case. Laing knew that if the mind led one to believe something unfactual, then it was perfectly natural for the body to live out that experience. He also propounded the theory of 'Reframing'; taking a problem situation and looking at it anew. For example, don't get upset if you are awake all night and sleep all day; instead think, 'Just look at how much I can get done in the early hours when everyone else is asleep and I can get on unhindered without telephone and other people distractions.'

Then, I discovered the work of Albert Ellis who worked in the field of Emotional Disturbance and before very long I found myself being fascinated by the Behaviourists of the day. The Behaviourist approach, although largely frowned upon in England in the early 1970s, appealed to me tremendously because it was a method that concerned itself with changing the effect of a particular form of problem behaviour as opposed to finding the cause and just talking about it! While naturally being interested in 'the cause' of any particular problem behaviour, it was this pragmatic approach of 'What can I do to change this situation/behaviour' which led me to specialise in Behaviour Modification.

Most behavioural work and modification of behaviour necessitates the use of Relaxation Training as an aid towards effecting change and so I became a Relaxation Instructor. Over the years ahead, I became wholly eclectic in my working methods as I derived ideas, styles, approaches from a diverse range of sources, theories and disciplines of working; selecting what I considered to be best practice from this and that along the way. It was this particular eclectic approach which gradually led me on to found the discipline and process of 'Anger Management' which mushroomed across the English speaking world within a matter of two years in the early 70s. It is highly refreshing to know that literally millions of people have been significantly helped through 'Anger Management' methods and processes.

All of this is to simply say that there is no 'one way' or 'no best way' for all varieties of problems and all types of people. Whereas one person responds better to 'this' approach, another will respond better to 'that.' While one person will more willingly accept the philosophy of one worker, another will instantly reject that of another. So the next time that you hear any purist advocate a universal panacea to counter one condition or another, take my advice and take a wide berth.

Consider: if you were arranging a meal to cater for a wide mixture of people from all four corners of the world next week; some meat lovers, others vegetarians and some vegans, you wouldn't dream of offering them all the same food to eat, would you? And even were you to persuade them all to partake, you couldn't possibly make them chew and digest what you'd served or stop them throwing up later on!

One of the most advantageous methods I have ever practised was strangely enough, 'Listening to the person, and in particular, the words they choose to describe their problem situation.' Why this is so important is that their very own words will indicate the type of working method that will prove the most effective in overcoming their problem area (psychiatric: psychological: emotional: or practical).

It works like this. Every single person has a general philosophical approach and set of beliefs. Some people are more of the 'thinking type', some the 'emotional type' and some the 'practical/doing type'. Every person's response pattern is comprised of what they 'think, feel and do', but is predominant in one of these three areas. If the method offered to the client by the worker doesn't match their philosophical beliefs, the problematic person will not be suitable or indeed be likely to carry out the treatment method. When method offered and the person being helped match, you have their instant appeal and they are more than likely to stick with the treatment method. The best method for a 'thinking person' with a problem is a mental approach carried out by a psychiatrist or cognitive behaviour therapist. The best method for a 'feeling person' is a psychological one carried out by a psychologist, counsellor or therapist. The best method for a 'doing person' is a task-orientated one (ie engaging in any activity that is known to change attitudes and behaviour such as any sport, walking, boxing, wood carving etc. etc.).

How the worker knows which type of method is appropriate to the person with the problem that is more likely to be philosophically accepted by them and followed, is by 'listening' to the person describe their own problem situation. Three different problem types are all at danger of killing themselves. When asked to describe their problem situation in their own words one might say, 'I often have these bad thoughts and I frequently find myself thinking about killing myself!' The next problem type might respond by saying, 'I feel so bad all the time that I feel like ending it all!' The third type of person may just threaten to kill themselves and then go on to do so!

Different horses for different courses, but it saves so much valuable and unwasted time of both worker and client backing the wrong runner!" William Forde: March 25th, 2018.

March 24th, 2018.

24/3/2018

Thought for today:
"There is no path to happiness; happiness is the path! Some pursue happiness and never find it while some who have it, cherish and appreciate its value in our lives and sense of wellbeing.The road to lasting happiness will not be found searching the highways and byways made by mankind. It cannot be found up the highest mountain, at the bottom of the biggest ocean or down the deepest wishing well.

The attainment of happiness cannot be bought, manufactured or conjured up by mental aberration. It is not tangible yet can be held. It has no shape yet determines the shape and manner of our disposition.

And yet, the road to happiness is accessible to all who walk in peace, love and understanding. It is not the mountain we need to conquer, but yourself; for it is only when there is no enemy within, that no enemy outside one can ever hurt." William Forde 24th March 2018.

March 23rd, 2018.

23/3/2018

Thought for today;
"I was recently reading about some people who are currently unemployed and in receipt of more benefit than many full-time workers earn for a full-time job. I must say, in my book that's far more attractive a proposition for getting below the minimum wage for doing a shitty job!

Now, given the parlous state of the economy and the lack of work which pays above the minimum-wage level, I don't blame anyone who finds themselves unemployed through no fault of their own. However, I do blame the Government past and present for allowing any able-bodied person to receive unemployment benefit without being required to do some community work in return for at least three days labour in every five-day working week.

Fifty years ago, I arrived in Toronto, Canada in the bleak of winter. I was amazed to see how many men there were clearing the snow off the roads and highways during a time of high snow drifts in temperatures of minus 20 degrees. I later learned that over half of the workers were those who were claiming unemployment benefit and who were giving their time in repayment of government benefits; not voluntarily I would add, but nevertheless ungrudgingly! These benefit claimants worked alongside and among the regular government salaried road-maintenance workers and all wore the same indistinguishable uniforms. At the time, the Canadian Government argued that 'Nobody of able-bodied means gets anything in return for doing nothing!' I also recall that the Canadian philosophy of the time believed that maintaining the work ethos of a man enabled one to maintain self-respect.

Just think about all those Government/Local Government jobs that go undone due to lack of finance. Indeed, the entire able-bodied and currently unemployed workforce could be gainfully employed filling in millions of potholes in our roads and renovating hundreds of thousands of abandoned housing stock; all under the supervision of paid council employees of course. And if there were any left, they could also visit the infirm and elderly who no longer receive anything more than a flying visit from their council carers daily lasting twenty minutes maximum.

Of course, many will no doubt think that such an idea is not as preferable to funding more paid workers in our Government Services (from money we are told we do not have), and the trade unions would no doubt have something to say about it and start an up cry of 'slave labour'. I'd certainly try out the Canadian model on all able-bodied unemployed who have no chance of getting a job in the current economic climate.

What a marvellous idea! I reckon that we could do with a dose of that rationale in our country today; don't you? 'Hey mate, don't drop your litter around here. It's not a circus! Get it bagged!'" William Forde: March 23rd, 2018

March 22nd, 2018

22/3/2018

Thought for today
"Don't allow your doubts to be responsible for missing your boat. Our lives are defined largely by opportunities, the ones we take and even the ones we let slip by. Your big opportunity may be where you are now, looking you in the face, but you refuse to see it. It is so easy to instantly disregard an opportunity that comes your way, simply because it is dressed in overalls and appears too much hard work to follow up.

No successful person will ever complain of insufficient opportunities; they prepare themselves to seize every chance that comes their way.They are the ones who have made it an art of life to catch all the good within their reach. They realise that good opportunities are seldom presented, but are so easily lost if we let them slip through our net. As a society, I frequently feel that we place too much store on one's ability, which although good, is of little worth without the opportunity to employ it.

How many times have you heard of the man or woman who had the opportunity of securing true love, but by the time they realised it was there, it had gone; their indecisiveness enabled the catch to slip through their grasp as they'd dithered with their destiny. Their sad lament in later years as they pass their evenings alone with their dog or cat as their only companion is to console themselves with the memory of 'what might have been', but never was: 'There was another life I might have had, a happier and more fulfilling life, but having missed my moment, I missed the boat and I am having this one instead.'

So do not miss out on the opportunities that come your way, for more often than not, they pass but once and rarely return. As the Austrian writer, Baroness Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach once remarked, 'When the time comes in which one could, the time has passed in which one can.'" William Forde: March 22nd, 2018.