Chapter Two:
‘Allocation to the High-dependency Ward’
Because of patient overcrowding, I spent over seven days on a temporary ward before I was allocated a bed in a high-dependency unit that dealt exclusively with cancer patients. I was placed in a four-bed bay with three other male patients. It was visiting time and the man in the bed immediately across from me was smiling as he and his three visitors chatted and joked.
The two patients occupying the other beds in the bay had no visitors; one was asleep and the other was attempting to rest while coughing intermittently. After fifteen minutes, I’d unknowingly picked up the coughing rhythm coming from the adjacent bed and started coughing in sympathy.
After half an hour or so, the visitors from the man across left the ward. The woman at his bedside (whom I initially took to be his wife), was the last to leave. She stayed for another five minutes after the patient’s other two visitors had gone.
As he gently placed his arms around the waist of his woman visitor, the thought first came to me that they may not be man and wife. This couple looked to share a contentment in each other’s company that was much more than established marriage partners are prone to display. Their embrace carried a hidden intensity and I sensed it held a much deeper meaning than mere actions showed.
The two patients occupying the other beds in the bay had no visitors; one was asleep and the other was attempting to rest while coughing intermittently. After fifteen minutes, I’d unknowingly picked up the coughing rhythm coming from the adjacent bed and started coughing in sympathy.
After half an hour or so, the visitors from the man across left the ward. The woman at his bedside (whom I initially took to be his wife), was the last to leave. She stayed for another five minutes after the patient’s other two visitors had gone.
As he gently placed his arms around the waist of his woman visitor, the thought first came to me that they may not be man and wife. This couple looked to share a contentment in each other’s company that was much more than established marriage partners are prone to display. Their embrace carried a hidden intensity and I sensed it held a much deeper meaning than mere actions showed.
As the couple hugged, the female maintained a dignified composure, whereby she allowed the tears to reach her eyes and remain there until after she’d left the ward.
I could see that the lady had ‘class’ written large across her face. She possessed an inner beauty and dressed in garments that showed off her most attractive body features while maintaining modesty; there being little need to enhance the shape and curvature of her fetching figure by artificial fashion. Before leaving the ward, she kissed the patient lovingly and walked out. As she moved from sight, she gave a small wave over her right shoulder without looking back on her visitor. She extracted a tissue from her black bag that she was carrying and applied the tissue to her eyes to stem her flow of tears.
I could see that the lady had ‘class’ written large across her face. She possessed an inner beauty and dressed in garments that showed off her most attractive body features while maintaining modesty; there being little need to enhance the shape and curvature of her fetching figure by artificial fashion. Before leaving the ward, she kissed the patient lovingly and walked out. As she moved from sight, she gave a small wave over her right shoulder without looking back on her visitor. She extracted a tissue from her black bag that she was carrying and applied the tissue to her eyes to stem her flow of tears.
Around five minutes later, the patient’s previously cheerful mood suddenly changed. He held his stomach and grimaced loudly. His fidgeting fingers uncapped one of his medicine bottles and he quickly swallowed some of the contents, which I later discovered to be morphine.
I took this opportunity to introduce myself. “Hello,” I said. “I’m Bill and I’m pleased to know you!”
Hearing my greeting, he looked directly into my eyes as if to shock before replying wryly, “Don’t worry. It won’t be for too long!”
I learned that his name was Alan and that half an hour before his visitors had arrived, his consultant had informed him that his stomach cancer had advanced and spread to other body organs and that his lifespan remaining was no more than a couple of weeks. This news naturally made me feel a bit uncomfortable. They were words that sprang from the mouth of a condemned man; words that heavily landed on the sensitivities and life uncertainties of myself.
I took this opportunity to introduce myself. “Hello,” I said. “I’m Bill and I’m pleased to know you!”
Hearing my greeting, he looked directly into my eyes as if to shock before replying wryly, “Don’t worry. It won’t be for too long!”
I learned that his name was Alan and that half an hour before his visitors had arrived, his consultant had informed him that his stomach cancer had advanced and spread to other body organs and that his lifespan remaining was no more than a couple of weeks. This news naturally made me feel a bit uncomfortable. They were words that sprang from the mouth of a condemned man; words that heavily landed on the sensitivities and life uncertainties of myself.
~~~~~
The other two patients in the bay were called Peter and George. I later learned from Peter, who occupied the bed closest to the window, that he only had two months left to live and was going home tomorrow so he could die in his own home. He told me in a matter of fact way and the announcement of his impending death seemed to be spoken without any expressed emotion. I then learned that the other patient called George also had a few months to live and would also be going home before the end of the week.
I must admit that I found it strange to hear strangers talk about their end of life as though it signified nothing much of great importance. I later heard the side ward I’d found myself in being referred to as, ‘an end of life ward’ by a passing nurse to her work colleague.
I must admit that I found it strange to hear strangers talk about their end of life as though it signified nothing much of great importance. I later heard the side ward I’d found myself in being referred to as, ‘an end of life ward’ by a passing nurse to her work colleague.
While I was aware that the Grim Reaper was hanging around outside the door to enter and collect his fourth prize before he left, I felt a bit of a cheat as I remained determined to refuse him entry. The three other men in the unit had been given their death sentences while I was still experiencing a temporary reprieve.
From the four people in the ward, I was the only one who lived alone. I’d been divorced from my wife six years earlier, after she’d discovered that she didn’t want to be married anymore.
We had no reason to seek an immediate divorce after our separation, there being no third parties involved in the break up. In some ways, I could have understood her trying to combat unhappy feelings had she been having an affair with another man. Being unfaithful would initially have been easier to cope with; it would have given me permission to be angry with her. We could have rowed fiercely and had a month of silence in the home before working it out together to get our marriage back on track. But, there was no other man; she’d simply stopped loving me!
I still loved her when she told me she wanted to separate and I found it hard to believe that I didn’t know she’d stopped loving me years earlier. The only redeeming factor was that her love for me had faded with the passage of time and hadn’t been transferred to the arms of another man. I could accept her ‘falling out of love’ with me, but would have found the break up initially intolerable had I discovered she’d ‘fallen in love’ with another man.
We remained on good terms. Indeed, after she discovered that I was terminally ill a few years later, she made overtures to be reconciled and even suggested that we returned to live as a couple. However, I’d gotten used to living on my own since my separation and politely declined.
Besides, were I to die in the near distant future, I wanted it to be with dignity and upon my terms. Like all cats who know that their end is nigh and who choose to take themselves off somewhere to die alone, I could never have imposed the witnessing of my eventual demise upon another; especially someone I’d once loved deeply.
From the four people in the ward, I was the only one who lived alone. I’d been divorced from my wife six years earlier, after she’d discovered that she didn’t want to be married anymore.
We had no reason to seek an immediate divorce after our separation, there being no third parties involved in the break up. In some ways, I could have understood her trying to combat unhappy feelings had she been having an affair with another man. Being unfaithful would initially have been easier to cope with; it would have given me permission to be angry with her. We could have rowed fiercely and had a month of silence in the home before working it out together to get our marriage back on track. But, there was no other man; she’d simply stopped loving me!
I still loved her when she told me she wanted to separate and I found it hard to believe that I didn’t know she’d stopped loving me years earlier. The only redeeming factor was that her love for me had faded with the passage of time and hadn’t been transferred to the arms of another man. I could accept her ‘falling out of love’ with me, but would have found the break up initially intolerable had I discovered she’d ‘fallen in love’ with another man.
We remained on good terms. Indeed, after she discovered that I was terminally ill a few years later, she made overtures to be reconciled and even suggested that we returned to live as a couple. However, I’d gotten used to living on my own since my separation and politely declined.
Besides, were I to die in the near distant future, I wanted it to be with dignity and upon my terms. Like all cats who know that their end is nigh and who choose to take themselves off somewhere to die alone, I could never have imposed the witnessing of my eventual demise upon another; especially someone I’d once loved deeply.
