Chapter Two
'Tony arrives in California'
So, with natural reluctance to see their young boy leave his home town at such an early age, Tony Walsh was prepared and duly dispatched to live with his Uncle Will and Aunty Nadine in San Francisco, USA. He was only thirteen years old as he sailed away from Dublin, but he felt so excited to be travelling to America; a country of which he had heard so many good things. While Tony did not know much about America before his arrival there in the middle of 1970, what he had been led to believe was that when it came to 'biggest' or 'best', they didn't come any bigger or better than they did in America; the land of the free and the home of the brave!
Tony flew from Dublin to Philadelphia and then changed flights for the last leg to San Francisco. When he arrived in San Francisco, he was met from the plane by his Uncle Will. Despite his usually small appetite, Tony was famished and so his uncle took him into a diner for a hamburger. "I want the biggest burger they do," Tony proclaimed.
His uncle smiled broadly and said, "I don't think you do, but now's as good a time as any to learn your first American lesson. You've no idea what you're letting yourself in for, my Boyo. For far too long you've been protected from progress in that one-horse town of Portlaw, but you're in America now, where they don't come 'bigger', my Boyo! Look at those children at that table," he said as he pointed to two children who were seemingly well on their way to becoming Sumo wrestlers.
His uncle smiled broadly and said, "I don't think you do, but now's as good a time as any to learn your first American lesson. You've no idea what you're letting yourself in for, my Boyo. For far too long you've been protected from progress in that one-horse town of Portlaw, but you're in America now, where they don't come 'bigger', my Boyo! Look at those children at that table," he said as he pointed to two children who were seemingly well on their way to becoming Sumo wrestlers.
Then Uncle Will ordered a small burger for himself and 'A Big Mac' for Tony. The waitress looked Tony up and down in astonishment and laughingly took the order. Fifteen minutes later, two men delivered it! "Perhaps you should have opted for the 'regular' size that man is eating?" his uncle remarked jokingly as he pointed to another table.
Uncle Will laughed out loud and said, "Whenever offered a choice between small, regular and large in America, Tony, it pays to remember that the small is for the healthy eater, the regular is for the weight lifters and power athletes who need to build up body muscle and the large is reserved solely for those unfortunates who will die from overweight before the age of 40."
Tony then told his Uncle Will about two very large-sized people he had seen on the plane coming across from Philadelphia to San Francisco and one walking up the airport steps after he'd landed. Uncle Will concluded that they were probably partakers of junk food and regular 'Big Mac' eaters. Both uncle and nephew agreed that this was clearly a case where biggest wasn't best!
Tony then told his Uncle Will about two very large-sized people he had seen on the plane coming across from Philadelphia to San Francisco and one walking up the airport steps after he'd landed. Uncle Will concluded that they were probably partakers of junk food and regular 'Big Mac' eaters. Both uncle and nephew agreed that this was clearly a case where biggest wasn't best!
On their way back to Uncle Will's home, Tony observed the vast numbers of oversized Americans who walked, waddled and rode the streets of San Francisco. "What's wrong with them?" he asked his uncle, believing they had simply grown like that since their birth through no fault of their own.
"No accident of birth ever made them grow that way," Uncle Will remarked to his small nephew. "They are grossly overweight because they eat too much and exercise too little; that's the long and short of it, Tony. Most of us (although not all of us), finish up the way we are because of what we eat, what we do, when, where or why. Very few of us can put our condition down to the type of birth we had and it is more to do with the type of life we live. We are living in unhealthier times today; a time when obesity, heart attacks, high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis have never been higher."
"No accident of birth ever made them grow that way," Uncle Will remarked to his small nephew. "They are grossly overweight because they eat too much and exercise too little; that's the long and short of it, Tony. Most of us (although not all of us), finish up the way we are because of what we eat, what we do, when, where or why. Very few of us can put our condition down to the type of birth we had and it is more to do with the type of life we live. We are living in unhealthier times today; a time when obesity, heart attacks, high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis have never been higher."
The pair arrived back at Uncle Will's and Aunt Nadine's house around 7.30pm that night. As they walked through the door, Nadine gave Tony a second glance as she gazed at his smallness in size and then a San Franciscan handshake, followed by an affectionate motherly kiss that said, 'I like you. We are going to get along just fine!' She was just about to set the table to eat, but Tony's uncle smilingly told her that the boy had eaten part of a 'Big Mac' on the way in. Nadine laughed and laughed as Tony quickly requested the way to the loo. "He means the wash room, dear," Uncle Will said by way of explanation to Nadine.
Tony was allowed two weeks to settle into his new neighbourhood before being enrolled in his new place of education, 'St Ignatius High School'. San Francisco was a beautiful place to see, especially in the warm summer months. To see the Golden Gate Bridge during fast moving fog was a sight to behold. Or to hear the cable cars travel up the perpendicular streets from the Bay, immediately transported one back to a far distant time.
The one thing that most impressed young Tony was the sheer variety of view that San Francisco offered. Off the quiet Bay lay the famous prison of Alcatraz; the rock from which it was said that no prisoner could escape. Farther inland, the Transamerica Pyramid Building would put those structures of the Nile to shame, while a visit to the Tea Gardens would show you one of the finest Buddhist pagodas ever constructed by man. And, if these sights did not offer the eyes enough to feast upon, a visit to China Town would provide more aromas and smells that one's nostrils could ever hope to accommodate.
The one thing that most impressed young Tony was the sheer variety of view that San Francisco offered. Off the quiet Bay lay the famous prison of Alcatraz; the rock from which it was said that no prisoner could escape. Farther inland, the Transamerica Pyramid Building would put those structures of the Nile to shame, while a visit to the Tea Gardens would show you one of the finest Buddhist pagodas ever constructed by man. And, if these sights did not offer the eyes enough to feast upon, a visit to China Town would provide more aromas and smells that one's nostrils could ever hope to accommodate.
Tony was to stay at the home of Uncle Will and Aunt Nadine for the next twelve years. They were to prove to be momentous years for the small boy from Portlaw; a time that he would neither forget nor regret.
His uncle proved to be the wisest person he'd ever met. Uncle Will was a man whose ability to listen and instantly understand enabled him to blend into any situation with the least visible effort. His advice was always on hand to guide Tony, enabling the boy to see the wood from the trees.
His Aunt Nadine was probably the most tender woman he'd known next to that of his mother; besides being the best cook in the whole of San Francisco. She was always positive in her outlook and generally impressed Tony as being a woman who liked people best who smiled when it was raining. She was like a rainbow after a shower; forever bringing out all the colour imaginable from the dullest of days and situations.
Uncle Will was to give Tony the benefit of his worldly experience over these years in American exile and his Aunt Nadine was to act as a constant reminder that while most men of the households often consider themselves its 'head', it is the woman who is the 'heart' of every home base. Once Aunt Nadine learned of Tony's musical accomplishment with the violin, she was determined to encourage her nephew to progress along this path.
His uncle proved to be the wisest person he'd ever met. Uncle Will was a man whose ability to listen and instantly understand enabled him to blend into any situation with the least visible effort. His advice was always on hand to guide Tony, enabling the boy to see the wood from the trees.
His Aunt Nadine was probably the most tender woman he'd known next to that of his mother; besides being the best cook in the whole of San Francisco. She was always positive in her outlook and generally impressed Tony as being a woman who liked people best who smiled when it was raining. She was like a rainbow after a shower; forever bringing out all the colour imaginable from the dullest of days and situations.
Uncle Will was to give Tony the benefit of his worldly experience over these years in American exile and his Aunt Nadine was to act as a constant reminder that while most men of the households often consider themselves its 'head', it is the woman who is the 'heart' of every home base. Once Aunt Nadine learned of Tony's musical accomplishment with the violin, she was determined to encourage her nephew to progress along this path.
Tony's introduction to school life at 'St. Ignatius Catholic High School' went no different to the experiences he had encountered at his school in Portlaw. Being Irish, being the newcomer, and being of puny size for his age, instantly provided the other pupils with a 'triple whammy' for making him the laughing stock of the school.
Tony returned home after his first day, badly bruised and close to tears as Nadine greeted him by the porch. She tried in vain to comfort him, but couldn't. Tony refused to eat anything at evening meal and stayed in his room. He was sorely starting to regret that he had left the familiar surroundings of Portlaw to come thousands of miles, just to experience the same degree of bullying and undeserved hostility in a strange land. That night when his Uncle Will returned home and heard how badly his nephew's first day at school had gone, he arranged to take him away at the weekend and have a long chat. Nadine agreed to stay at home and give both uncle and nephew essential bonding time together.
Tony returned home after his first day, badly bruised and close to tears as Nadine greeted him by the porch. She tried in vain to comfort him, but couldn't. Tony refused to eat anything at evening meal and stayed in his room. He was sorely starting to regret that he had left the familiar surroundings of Portlaw to come thousands of miles, just to experience the same degree of bullying and undeserved hostility in a strange land. That night when his Uncle Will returned home and heard how badly his nephew's first day at school had gone, he arranged to take him away at the weekend and have a long chat. Nadine agreed to stay at home and give both uncle and nephew essential bonding time together.
Uncle Will decided to take Tony out to the redwood forest at Muir Woods on the Friday, to sleep in a log cabin that night and then look at a bit more of the wild on Saturday and Sunday before returning back on Sunday evening. He thought that seeing the tallest trees in the world might encourage this small boy to 'open up' and reveal the true source of his 'repressed' feelings. While Uncle Will knew that young Tony's growth had most certainly been restricted over the years, he also strongly suspected that the underlying cause of the boy's unhappiness was not the smallness of his body, but instead 'what he actually thought and felt' about being so small.
Many years earlier, Uncle Will's research into the response patterns of individuals had led to his discovery that emotions tend to produce problematic behaviour when they are out of balance in the mind and body. He found out that the three emotions of Fear, Anger and Love effectively determined most of the problematic behaviour we ever experience.
He had essentially discovered that when Thinking, Feeling and Doing are congruent, the emotions of Fear, Anger and Love are also balanced and our behaviour is appropriate. His research had also discovered that within all problematic behaviour, there was either 'too much' or 'too little' fear and anger being either 'repressed' or 'expressed' by a person who 'did not love themselves' and who was therefore 'unable to express love towards others'.
He had learned that some people needed to be taught how to express their repressed level of fear in order to control their anger, whilst others needed to express their anger states in order to bring their fear level under control. His biggest discovery of all however, was to find out that all such response types needed to learn to 'love themselves' in order to find the strength to change for the better. It seemed that it was only when a person could 'love themselves', that they were truly able to 'love others'!
Many years earlier, Uncle Will's research into the response patterns of individuals had led to his discovery that emotions tend to produce problematic behaviour when they are out of balance in the mind and body. He found out that the three emotions of Fear, Anger and Love effectively determined most of the problematic behaviour we ever experience.
He had essentially discovered that when Thinking, Feeling and Doing are congruent, the emotions of Fear, Anger and Love are also balanced and our behaviour is appropriate. His research had also discovered that within all problematic behaviour, there was either 'too much' or 'too little' fear and anger being either 'repressed' or 'expressed' by a person who 'did not love themselves' and who was therefore 'unable to express love towards others'.
He had learned that some people needed to be taught how to express their repressed level of fear in order to control their anger, whilst others needed to express their anger states in order to bring their fear level under control. His biggest discovery of all however, was to find out that all such response types needed to learn to 'love themselves' in order to find the strength to change for the better. It seemed that it was only when a person could 'love themselves', that they were truly able to 'love others'!
Taking Tony to one side that first evening, he told his nephew what he suspected to be wrong and how best to become happier in the future. "This huge tree here; this General Sherman red oak, grows taller than every other tree in the world, and yet its size cannot prevent the biggest of its specimens being cut down and used for furniture. Never forget, Tony, that the tallest always has the farthest to fall when their world come crashing down around them."
"You must first be able to face your highest fears and confront them. Then you need to put the love within you, to give you the strength to change. You must learn to love you before you are able to express love towards others. It is this infusion of love that will give you the strength and courage to do what you have to do. It is the love of self that will give you the strength to be able to express all the repressed anger you are holding down and have been doing for many years now. It is that self-love that will give you the strength to climb your highest hill of fear, and therefore no longer fear what is irrational. Once you have put enough love back inside your body, you will be able to let out all that repressed anger that has been eating you up and making your life miserable. Once you have done this, Tony, you will feel good about yourself once again and balance will have been restored to your very being."
Uncle Will took a few moments in silence before concluding with a few choice words of warning. "But be warned, it won't be easy. You will no doubt find my methods unconventional, but I assure you that if you place your faith in me, they will eventually work!"
"You must first be able to face your highest fears and confront them. Then you need to put the love within you, to give you the strength to change. You must learn to love you before you are able to express love towards others. It is this infusion of love that will give you the strength and courage to do what you have to do. It is the love of self that will give you the strength to be able to express all the repressed anger you are holding down and have been doing for many years now. It is that self-love that will give you the strength to climb your highest hill of fear, and therefore no longer fear what is irrational. Once you have put enough love back inside your body, you will be able to let out all that repressed anger that has been eating you up and making your life miserable. Once you have done this, Tony, you will feel good about yourself once again and balance will have been restored to your very being."
Uncle Will took a few moments in silence before concluding with a few choice words of warning. "But be warned, it won't be easy. You will no doubt find my methods unconventional, but I assure you that if you place your faith in me, they will eventually work!"
That night, Tony and his Uncle Will talked in their log cabin into the early hours of the morning. It was the first real time that Tony had spoken intimately with another since his friend Mary Foggerty had left Portlaw, and it was certainly the only time that Tony had spoken so deeply about his inner fears. Being a good counsellor, Uncle Will listened attentively as young Tony unburdened the emotional load that he had carried since early childhood. Things began to crystalise and emerge that even Tony hadn't previously realised; fears hidden away within the recesses of his mind and repressed anger, which he had harboured for so long. These were suspicions that he had thought, but had never dared to voice to his beloved parents.
As Uncle Will spoke to Tony, the young boy listened attentively. He heard the hoot of an owl outside and looking out of the cabin window, Tony saw a magnificent redwood owl fly towards them. Uncle Will said that the owl's presence was a good omen and brought wisdom to their discussion.
"Tell me, Tony," Uncle Will asked the boy, "What is the thing that makes you the most angry?"
Tony thought briefly before answering and then replied, "Had you asked me that same question before tonight, Uncle Will, I would have immediately said, 'being infinitely smaller than all the other boys and girls of my age.' However, having talked things through with you that I have never spoken about before, I now realise that it wasn't 'being born small' that made me angry, but instead, it is the question of 'why' I was ever born at all?"
Uncle Will asked, "And what is it that you fear that stokes that anger, Tony?"
Tony thought a while and said, "I would have to say that the anger I hold stems from my greatest fear. I know that my parents truly love me, but.........I suspect........... that they never wanted me to be born like they wanted all my seventeen brothers and sisters before me," Tony said as he started to well up in tears.
"What is it that makes you fear that to be true, Tony?" Uncle Will asked him.
"Because of the gap in age between me and Molly, the second youngest in the family," Tony replied. "There isn't more than a one year gap between the births of all the other seventeen children my parents had until I came along. I was born five years after our Molly......... five long years! That makes me think that I wasn't planned to be born like the other seventeen were planned for. That is what I've always suspected and feared deep down. That is why I have never truly felt wanted."
"Tell me, Tony," Uncle Will asked the boy, "What is the thing that makes you the most angry?"
Tony thought briefly before answering and then replied, "Had you asked me that same question before tonight, Uncle Will, I would have immediately said, 'being infinitely smaller than all the other boys and girls of my age.' However, having talked things through with you that I have never spoken about before, I now realise that it wasn't 'being born small' that made me angry, but instead, it is the question of 'why' I was ever born at all?"
Uncle Will asked, "And what is it that you fear that stokes that anger, Tony?"
Tony thought a while and said, "I would have to say that the anger I hold stems from my greatest fear. I know that my parents truly love me, but.........I suspect........... that they never wanted me to be born like they wanted all my seventeen brothers and sisters before me," Tony said as he started to well up in tears.
"What is it that makes you fear that to be true, Tony?" Uncle Will asked him.
"Because of the gap in age between me and Molly, the second youngest in the family," Tony replied. "There isn't more than a one year gap between the births of all the other seventeen children my parents had until I came along. I was born five years after our Molly......... five long years! That makes me think that I wasn't planned to be born like the other seventeen were planned for. That is what I've always suspected and feared deep down. That is why I have never truly felt wanted."
That weekend was finished off with Uncle Will taking Tony out into the area where black bears still roam. Tony was told that in California and Nevada, the only bears that one will be able to see is a black bear. The following day, they went to walk the metal cliff steps through a mountain gorge. The walk was both precarious yet safe, providing one took all the necessary precautions such as wearing non-slip footwear, watching one's step and holding on to the safety chain as one walked. Uncle Will told Tony that if he felt fearful as he looked down while walking across the metal steps, any such fear was 'rational fear' and that it was healthy to hold rational fears in order to preserve one's safety.
The next day was the day that the couple were due to go back. That morning, they spotted a black bear who was resting in the cover of the long grass. Pointing to the black bear, Uncle Will asked the boy, "Do you think that you could face that black bear head on, Tony, or would you be fearful?"
"I'd jolly well be too fearful, Uncle Will. The critter would maul me to death if ever it got its big hands around my throat!" Tony replied as he imagined himself in a wrestling match with the black bear as he fought for his very life.
"And would such a fear be rational or irrational?" Uncle Will asked his nephew.
"Rational" replied Tony.
"I'd jolly well be too fearful, Uncle Will. The critter would maul me to death if ever it got its big hands around my throat!" Tony replied as he imagined himself in a wrestling match with the black bear as he fought for his very life.
"And would such a fear be rational or irrational?" Uncle Will asked his nephew.
"Rational" replied Tony.
"And there you have it, Tony," Uncle Will said smilingly. "I not only believe, but I know the fear that you hold about being an 'unwanted child' by your parents to be totally unfounded and therefore 'irrational'. If you want to feel good about yourself once more Tony, the only bear that you need to face is 'the bare facts' about your conception and birth! Come to terms with these facts, my Boyo, and you'll be back on the straight and narrow quicker than Maggie at The Corn Mill in Portlaw can pull a pint of Guinness!"
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