'The Tannery Wager'
It is often said that it is only the very best of friends who possess the capacity to turn into the worst of enemies. This is a story about two boys who were born in the Village of Portlaw on the very same day of life; Tom Lannagan and Jimmy Johnson. During their childhood, Tommy and Jimmy might well have been twins in the eyes of any stranger who didn't know them as they were rarely seen apart. Even when a boy or girl called around to Tommy's house to see if he was playing out, more often than not they'd find Jimmy there also, and likewise if they called to Jimmy's house.
For ten full and happy years, Tommy and Jimmy remained the closest of pals imaginable, until the day came during their eleventh year when their friendship was ruptured, never to heal again. In fact, from their eleventh year onward, Tommy and Jimmy became the most bitter of enemies ever to come out of Portlaw and the surrounding County of Waterford.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When both boys grew up and sought employment, like all the other people in Portlaw who looked for local work, they each secured a job with the main village employer; the Tannery Works.
Tom Lannagan was a fine strapping man of 23 years of age, whereas his one-time friend Jimmy had a masculine build but was less muscular. The Portlaw Tannery provided work and wages for every man who worked in the village. The Tannery was situated at the top of the Village Square and commanded a monopoly over the workers of Portlaw. Apart from three public houses, the Post Office and two general stores; if one went to work in Portlaw, one went to work in the Tannery!
For ten full and happy years, Tommy and Jimmy remained the closest of pals imaginable, until the day came during their eleventh year when their friendship was ruptured, never to heal again. In fact, from their eleventh year onward, Tommy and Jimmy became the most bitter of enemies ever to come out of Portlaw and the surrounding County of Waterford.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When both boys grew up and sought employment, like all the other people in Portlaw who looked for local work, they each secured a job with the main village employer; the Tannery Works.
Tom Lannagan was a fine strapping man of 23 years of age, whereas his one-time friend Jimmy had a masculine build but was less muscular. The Portlaw Tannery provided work and wages for every man who worked in the village. The Tannery was situated at the top of the Village Square and commanded a monopoly over the workers of Portlaw. Apart from three public houses, the Post Office and two general stores; if one went to work in Portlaw, one went to work in the Tannery!
Every morning, the people of Portlaw could set their clocks with the sound of the Tannery hooter. The first hoot of the day from the Tannery announced it was 7.25 am and that work would be scheduled to start in five minutes precisely. Another loud hoot would sound at noon to announce lunch break and again at 12.25 pm to call the workers back to their jobs. Then at 5.20 pm, the Village Square, which had but moments earlier been empty, would gradually fill up with children waiting at the tannery gates to meet their fathers or other family members who worked there. At 5.30 pm precisely, a final three hoots of the day would sound to announce that the day’s work shift had ended and home time had arrived once more.
With the exception of Friday evenings, the workers leaving the Tannery at the end of their day’s work would be met by their children while their women folk remained at home preparing the evening meal of spuds and cabbage for their menfolk.
Fridays however, was much different. On Friday evenings at 5.30 pm when the weary men came through the gates, they’d always be met by their wives and sweethearts along with Paddy Doherty, the local moneylender. You see, Friday was payday, and if the women didn’t relieve their men of their unopened pay packets before they had the opportunity to ‘have a quick one in the pub’, there’d be many a fine row that night and the poor tannery worker might well end up sleeping among Willie Low’s flock of sheep.
Fridays however, was much different. On Friday evenings at 5.30 pm when the weary men came through the gates, they’d always be met by their wives and sweethearts along with Paddy Doherty, the local moneylender. You see, Friday was payday, and if the women didn’t relieve their men of their unopened pay packets before they had the opportunity to ‘have a quick one in the pub’, there’d be many a fine row that night and the poor tannery worker might well end up sleeping among Willie Low’s flock of sheep.
It was December 22nd, around 5.20 pm. Outside, the ground was covered with a thick blanket of snow and the rooftops of the old terraced properties that stood sentry on both sides of William Street were weighted down with all the snow that had lodged there over the past week. Two men were shovelling some of the excess snow off house roofs onto the ground below.
Being a Friday evening, 84 women from 'William Street' left their houses and walked up the street towards the Village Square and gathered outside the Tannery Works. They were joined by 64 women from 'Brown Street'; some of whom brought their retired fathers with them for the outing. 'William Street' and 'Brown Street' made up the bulk of Portlaw dwellings. As the women passed the houses on either side, the sagging roofs of the old dwellings seemed to acknowledge their passing with a mark of respect, as they appeared to bow and curtsy at their centre.
Being a Friday evening, 84 women from 'William Street' left their houses and walked up the street towards the Village Square and gathered outside the Tannery Works. They were joined by 64 women from 'Brown Street'; some of whom brought their retired fathers with them for the outing. 'William Street' and 'Brown Street' made up the bulk of Portlaw dwellings. As the women passed the houses on either side, the sagging roofs of the old dwellings seemed to acknowledge their passing with a mark of respect, as they appeared to bow and curtsy at their centre.
Within the Tannery worked the two men who had been adversaries since their school days; Tom Lannagan and Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy had been the one who'd insisted upon the maintenance of an uneasy peace between them for the past thirteen years. He'd never forgiven Tom Lannagan for having been responsible for his first public humiliation, when he'd been thrashed with a cane in front of the entire class. Jimmy vowed that he would never forgive him.
Jimmy would be at Tom's throat at every conceivable opportunity of every working day. Indeed, it often appeared that the highlight of Jimmy's day would be to 'better Tom', if at all possible and to do something that might spoil Tom's day.
The cause of their enmity was twofold: a good thrashing that a nun had given Jimmy Johnson at school thirteen years earlier and the fact that they had both fancied the same colleen; the village beauty, Teresa Fitt. However, despite having been the first to propose marriage to Teresa, it had been Tom who the Portlaw colleen eventually picked and subsequently married after she'd declined Jimmy's offer. This act merely intensified the sense of grievance that Jimmy Johnson developed towards Tom over the years.
The happier Tom and his wife, Teresa, seemed to be, the more miserable and sour it seemed to make Jimmy. During earlier years of Tom and his wife's marriage, Jimmy had hoped that their relationship might fail; thereby allowing him to step in and try his hand again with the fair Teresa. However, with the passing of each year and the birth of another child, the couple appeared happier together than the year before. They were obviously committed to family life after parenting five healthy children and were viewed as being a perfectly matched Catholic couple who were still very much in love with each other.
Jimmy would be at Tom's throat at every conceivable opportunity of every working day. Indeed, it often appeared that the highlight of Jimmy's day would be to 'better Tom', if at all possible and to do something that might spoil Tom's day.
The cause of their enmity was twofold: a good thrashing that a nun had given Jimmy Johnson at school thirteen years earlier and the fact that they had both fancied the same colleen; the village beauty, Teresa Fitt. However, despite having been the first to propose marriage to Teresa, it had been Tom who the Portlaw colleen eventually picked and subsequently married after she'd declined Jimmy's offer. This act merely intensified the sense of grievance that Jimmy Johnson developed towards Tom over the years.
The happier Tom and his wife, Teresa, seemed to be, the more miserable and sour it seemed to make Jimmy. During earlier years of Tom and his wife's marriage, Jimmy had hoped that their relationship might fail; thereby allowing him to step in and try his hand again with the fair Teresa. However, with the passing of each year and the birth of another child, the couple appeared happier together than the year before. They were obviously committed to family life after parenting five healthy children and were viewed as being a perfectly matched Catholic couple who were still very much in love with each other.
Teresa was a crafty colleen who knew all the most alluring female skills of how best to please her man and keep him faithful to his marriage vows; and she would use all of her womanly charm and guile to get her way with her husband Tom wherever possible. In public, she would always seem to give way to Irish culture and 'the man of the house', whereas in the privacy of her own home, she would revert to her feminine craft. She couldn't see any sense in being part of the 'fairer sex' unless it afforded her the privilege of using her sex in the most unfair and subtle of ways imaginable.
She would wear the traditional clothes and shawl when out and about the village, but during the week when Tom arrived home from work, she would be there behind the house hedge to greet him in more comfortable garments that were easier to access. On an evening when the children were in bed, she would become more adventurous with her makeup and fashion attire.
You see, Teresa was a true Irish colleen. She came from a family of fourteen children, and to tell the truth, more than anything else in her life, she loved having babies; both the making and the birthing of them! Being aware that Tom had always liked her best in her glamour garments, she would occasionally 'treat him' whenever she needed a favour from him or felt like having another baby.
The mere knowledge that Tom and Teresa were happily married marred Jimmy's pleasure more than he would ever admit to. Jimmy had long nursed his grievance against Tom which had commenced in primary school and grown thereafter year upon year.
As a boy of 10 years of age, Jimmy had received his caning from the nun one morning. On the day in question, both he and Tom Lannagan had been late for class and were hurrying into school before the nuns called and marked the register of attendance. As they entered the classroom together, the teaching nun, Sister Needler, had her back turned to them. An unoccupied chair nearby offered the best opportunity to sit down in it while the nun's back was turned without her noticing the late arrivals. Both boys saw the chair simultaneously and seizing the opportunity, they each ran towards it. Tom got there first and quickly sat down. Seeing the two boys trying to occupy the same chair made all the other pupils laugh out loud, and as Sister Needler heard the commotion that the class was making, she turned around and saw Jimmy stood there.
She instantly sensed that Jimmy had been a late arrival and had tried to sneak into class behind her back, but had been caught out. So the only course of action open to the Sister Needler was the punishment of a sound thrashing for the offending child. Jimmy was given 'seven of the best'. Whereas all the other nuns gave 'six of the best' whenever punishing a child, Sister Needler felt the need to add an additional stroke. She justified this distinction from the other caning nuns on the basis that the child had probably done something else wrong that morning of which she knew not, and even if they hadn't, they could be anticipated to have done so before the day was through. She therefore considered that when they got the seventh stroke, they were merely receiving their just deserts!
She instantly sensed that Jimmy had been a late arrival and had tried to sneak into class behind her back, but had been caught out. So the only course of action open to the Sister Needler was the punishment of a sound thrashing for the offending child. Jimmy was given 'seven of the best'. Whereas all the other nuns gave 'six of the best' whenever punishing a child, Sister Needler felt the need to add an additional stroke. She justified this distinction from the other caning nuns on the basis that the child had probably done something else wrong that morning of which she knew not, and even if they hadn't, they could be anticipated to have done so before the day was through. She therefore considered that when they got the seventh stroke, they were merely receiving their just deserts!
At the time, teaching nuns had a reputation for being the strictest teachers in Christendom. You see, the nuns believed that anyone who arrived late for school would probably be late in attending church on a Sunday morning, late in making their confessions regularly and late in all other matters of Catholic importance. They also believed that by expunging this tardy behaviour from their daily charges, they were essentially increasing the chances of the boy or girl being confirmed before their tenth birthday and growing up into adulthood, a good Catholic!
The day that Jimmy got caned, all the children in the school were treated to the spectacle of a good Catholic thrashing. Sister Needler saw little point in punishing a child unless the pain such punishment produced was put on public display as a deterrent to other pupils, and that the indignity of the beaten child was intensified by the shame of being seen by one's peers with one's pants at half-mast!
The day that Jimmy got caned, all the children in the school were treated to the spectacle of a good Catholic thrashing. Sister Needler saw little point in punishing a child unless the pain such punishment produced was put on public display as a deterrent to other pupils, and that the indignity of the beaten child was intensified by the shame of being seen by one's peers with one's pants at half-mast!
The entire class of pupils believed Sister Needler to be wholly sadistic in temperament. She seemed to derive great pleasure from using the swish whenever she could justifiably wield it and couldn't help her face breaking into a devilish smile of satisfaction in her duty whenever she drew blood from her strokes.
Sister Needler had been thrashed badly as a pupil herself. Over the years she had become so used to the thrashings she had received as a child, that she gradually became addicted to them and even sought out a thrashing in her adult years. That which had initially created pain for her in her childhood had eventually brought her adult pleasure from feeling the pain of self and seeing the pain in others; particularly children, upon whom she was pleased to inflict it. All the pupils agreed that she seemed to derive an unhealthy pleasure in producing wheals on the bottoms of the pupils she frequently caned.
Sister Needler had been thrashed badly as a pupil herself. Over the years she had become so used to the thrashings she had received as a child, that she gradually became addicted to them and even sought out a thrashing in her adult years. That which had initially created pain for her in her childhood had eventually brought her adult pleasure from feeling the pain of self and seeing the pain in others; particularly children, upon whom she was pleased to inflict it. All the pupils agreed that she seemed to derive an unhealthy pleasure in producing wheals on the bottoms of the pupils she frequently caned.
With regard to caning the girls in the mixed class, they were not spared the public humiliation and indignity of having their strokes across bare bottoms any more than the boys were! Indeed, the caning of a girl in front of the mixed class often produced extra punishment for other pupils, usually the boys. As the girl had her knickers lowered and her bare bottom caned, any boy who was seen to be gawking at the spectacle would also receive a caning from the nuns.
Poor Jimmy could hardly walk for a week after the caning, and ever since that day, he'd held a grudge against Tom, the nuns and the Roman Catholic Church. He still claimed to his work mates that he carried the scars from the nun's savage caning and that it had been the cruelty of Sister Needler who had opened his eyes to the evil and sadistic practices of the Roman Catholic Church.
As soon as he left school, Jimmy instantly stopped attending Mass and quickly turned pagan. He began to spread vicious smears about everything Roman Catholic thereafter; particularly all the 'unnatural practices' he constantly alleged occurred between the priests and the nuns or priests who were too fond of an innocent child's company.
As soon as he left school, Jimmy instantly stopped attending Mass and quickly turned pagan. He began to spread vicious smears about everything Roman Catholic thereafter; particularly all the 'unnatural practices' he constantly alleged occurred between the priests and the nuns or priests who were too fond of an innocent child's company.
Ever since Tom had married his school sweetheart, Teresa, the previous feeling of ill-will that Jimmy held towards him became stronger and eventually became no less than a vendetta. Thereafter, Jimmy goaded Tom at every opportunity and like a snake in the grass, his poisonous tongue was always trying to get him either sacked or rebuked by the foreman of the Tannery.
Tom was a good worker as well as being highly popular and a much-respected colleague and friend to almost all the men who worked at the Tannery. Although he wasn't frightened of 'mixing it' with Jimmy if ever it proved to be unavoidable, being a married man with a wife and five children to support, Tom generally tried to avoid confrontation or controversial conversation with Jimmy.
Tom was a good worker as well as being highly popular and a much-respected colleague and friend to almost all the men who worked at the Tannery. Although he wasn't frightened of 'mixing it' with Jimmy if ever it proved to be unavoidable, being a married man with a wife and five children to support, Tom generally tried to avoid confrontation or controversial conversation with Jimmy.
The poor relationship between the two adversaries, though bad on most occasions of the working week, nevertheless remained manageable until 'the wager' by Jimmy was made and accepted by Tom.
The tannery wager eventually came about as the result of Jimmy's trickery. Some weeks earlier, Jimmy Johnson had goaded and successfully tricked Tom Lannagan into losing a sizeable wager; a £5 note which would fall due on the pay day of Friday, December 22nd. £5 was too large an amount for Tom to pay without his large family going hungry and yet, to renege on a bet and not pay would be the worst of all possible worlds to any honourable Portlaw man. Tom knew if he didn’t pay the bet he'd lost, he might as well pack up and leave his Portlaw home and job with his entire family and start again elsewhere; somewhere far enough away where he wasn’t known as a man who couldn’t keep his word once spitted palms had been crossed.
Tom seriously reviewed the financial dilemma he now faced. His entire weekly wage was £10. 10 shillings and sixpence, and he knew that his wife and the mother of his five bairns would be outside the Tannery gates to collect his unopened packet on Friday, along with the wives of other tannery workers at 5.30 pm.
The tannery wager eventually came about as the result of Jimmy's trickery. Some weeks earlier, Jimmy Johnson had goaded and successfully tricked Tom Lannagan into losing a sizeable wager; a £5 note which would fall due on the pay day of Friday, December 22nd. £5 was too large an amount for Tom to pay without his large family going hungry and yet, to renege on a bet and not pay would be the worst of all possible worlds to any honourable Portlaw man. Tom knew if he didn’t pay the bet he'd lost, he might as well pack up and leave his Portlaw home and job with his entire family and start again elsewhere; somewhere far enough away where he wasn’t known as a man who couldn’t keep his word once spitted palms had been crossed.
Tom seriously reviewed the financial dilemma he now faced. His entire weekly wage was £10. 10 shillings and sixpence, and he knew that his wife and the mother of his five bairns would be outside the Tannery gates to collect his unopened packet on Friday, along with the wives of other tannery workers at 5.30 pm.
The 1940s and 50s were the days when three things were predominant considerations of every man’s ultimate actions. These involved bringing home enough to feed one’s family, never breaking one’s word and never doing anything which would attract ridicule to the question of one’s manhood. And if one was a Roman Catholic, a fourth consideration also applied: you never believed badly of the Church of Rome or his Holiness Pope Pius X11, the Bishop or the Parish Priest. A good Catholic never allowed another to speak badly of their faith without feeling a compulsion to defend the Church.
In the last week of November, Jimmy Johnson, had cleverly tricked Tom Lannagan into making a £5 bet that Tom Lannagan couldn’t win. On the day in question, Jimmy Johnson had entered the work shed seemingly disgusted with a ‘dark secret’ he’d just heard.
“Well, I never would have believed it! Fancy that, Father Donovan and young Rosie Tukin; and she not yet 17 years old and the priest over twice her age. I never would have believed it! Isn't there any shame to be found in this so-called 'Holy Roman Catholic Church'? Is there no moral compass in this wayward church; no boundaries of decency that its priesthood accepts and isn't prepared to cross?”
Being a good Roman Catholic and God-fearing man, Tom Lannagan remarked, “What wouldn’t you have believed about Father Donovan and young Rosie Tukin?”
“He’s........ he’s marrying her in three weeks' time! Nothing less! That’s what he’s doing; marrying her, and he a priest of over ten year’s standing in this parish. The shame of it! What a corrupt religion Roman Catholicism is!” Jimmy mockingly said in a tone of disgust.
Tom Lannagan couldn’t believe his ears, and indeed, he refused to believe the wicked lie he knew it to be.
“I refuse to believe that slanderous gossip!" he angrily replied. "It’s slanderous.....why it’s nothing short of malicious. That’s all it is; malicious gossip! I don’t believe it! It would be wiser of you to hold your tongue, Jimmy Johnson, instead of spreading falsehoods about the priest and the church; and all because of a thrashing a nun gave you thirteen years ago and which has left you smarting ever since.”
“Well, I never would have believed it! Fancy that, Father Donovan and young Rosie Tukin; and she not yet 17 years old and the priest over twice her age. I never would have believed it! Isn't there any shame to be found in this so-called 'Holy Roman Catholic Church'? Is there no moral compass in this wayward church; no boundaries of decency that its priesthood accepts and isn't prepared to cross?”
Being a good Roman Catholic and God-fearing man, Tom Lannagan remarked, “What wouldn’t you have believed about Father Donovan and young Rosie Tukin?”
“He’s........ he’s marrying her in three weeks' time! Nothing less! That’s what he’s doing; marrying her, and he a priest of over ten year’s standing in this parish. The shame of it! What a corrupt religion Roman Catholicism is!” Jimmy mockingly said in a tone of disgust.
Tom Lannagan couldn’t believe his ears, and indeed, he refused to believe the wicked lie he knew it to be.
“I refuse to believe that slanderous gossip!" he angrily replied. "It’s slanderous.....why it’s nothing short of malicious. That’s all it is; malicious gossip! I don’t believe it! It would be wiser of you to hold your tongue, Jimmy Johnson, instead of spreading falsehoods about the priest and the church; and all because of a thrashing a nun gave you thirteen years ago and which has left you smarting ever since.”
“If you weren’t so defensive about your precious, dodgy religion, Tom Lannagan,” Jimmy Johnson jibed, “you might be prepared to open your eyes to all the wrong in the world that religion causes, especially the so called 'Holy Roman Catholic Church'. Just because the man’s a Catholic priest doesn’t make him any less human than you or me. He also has his needs of the flesh you know. Why shouldn’t he want to marry the likes of Rosie Tukin; after all he’s only flesh and bone when all’s said and done! He has his needs to meet also, and unless someone has learnt something I've never heard of, there's only one way to deal with an itch and that's to give in to the temptation and scratch it! After all, it's only human nature if you think about it...... its only human to eat any 'rosie apple' in the garden that's ready and willing to fall into your wicked hands if you find yourself tempted by the flesh of a nubile colleen.”
“I don’t believe it!” Tom Lannagan repeated. “I won’t believe it!”
“Believe what you want then, man, but on this I’ll wager you a five-pound note: by Saturday, December 16th, in less than three weeks from now, the priest will marry Rosie Tukin. So either ‘put up or shut up!’” Jimmy Johnson said as he held out the open palm of his right hand and loudly gloated." Either put up or shut up, Lannagan!"
“I don’t believe it!” Tom Lannagan repeated. “I won’t believe it!”
“Believe what you want then, man, but on this I’ll wager you a five-pound note: by Saturday, December 16th, in less than three weeks from now, the priest will marry Rosie Tukin. So either ‘put up or shut up!’” Jimmy Johnson said as he held out the open palm of his right hand and loudly gloated." Either put up or shut up, Lannagan!"
Before Tom Lannagan fully realised that Jimmy Johnson had set him a trap, in the heat of the moment, Tom slapped the open palm of Jimmy Johnson, thereby having taken the bait and sealing the bet! Jimmy had opened the gate, goaded Tom with scurrilous allegations against his Catholic priest and religion and then dared Tom to walk through it. Once Tom had been taken in and had fallen for Jimmy's deception, Jimmy rejoiced in the knowledge that he had successfully led his adversary down the garden path and had won a five pound note in the process.
On December 16th, Father Donovan duly married Rosie Tukin......... to her boyhood sweetheart, Bobby Cochran. Tom Lannagan cursed himself for having been duped by Jimmy Johnson, but nevertheless realised that ‘a bet was a bet’ however deceptively it had been crafted and that a man’s word was all that a poor man could ever hope to keep from the cradle to the grave. Even if the winner of the wager was one's worse enemy, reneging on its payment would never be considered an honourable option by any Portlaw man. Indeed, all the more reason to discharge the bet honourably!
Tom Lannagan feared telling his beloved wife about the bet however, and got the other men at the Tannery not to reveal his loss until the bet had been settled by him on Friday, December 22nd. He needed to seek out the right words and appropriate moment to explain to his wife how he'd been so foolishly tricked by Jimmy Johnson. All that week, Tom Lannagan attended his work at the Tannery knowing that when Friday came around that his wage packet would be £5 the lighter. Being Christmas week, merely saddened Tom more and by Wednesday December 20th, he still hadn’t found the right moment to tell his wife.
Tom Lannagan feared telling his beloved wife about the bet however, and got the other men at the Tannery not to reveal his loss until the bet had been settled by him on Friday, December 22nd. He needed to seek out the right words and appropriate moment to explain to his wife how he'd been so foolishly tricked by Jimmy Johnson. All that week, Tom Lannagan attended his work at the Tannery knowing that when Friday came around that his wage packet would be £5 the lighter. Being Christmas week, merely saddened Tom more and by Wednesday December 20th, he still hadn’t found the right moment to tell his wife.
Having won the £5 wager off Tom Lannagan, Jimmy Johnson realised that he had this father of five over a barrel. Tom Lannagan might as well have been walking a tightrope across the Niagara Falls for a £5 wager, and any moment soon, Jimmy would delight in seeing his old adversary take a big fall!
Wanting to appear magnanimous to his work colleagues in the face of victory, Jimmy decided to offer Tom a way out which he knew his pride would prevent him from taking. Deep down, Jimmy secretly harboured the belief that Tom would neither be foolish nor brave enough to take up the challenge.
“I'll tell you what I'm prepared to do, Tom Lannagan,” Jimmy said on the Thursday morning of December 21st within the hearing of the other men at the Tannery. He spoke so loudly so that all present could be part of the goading he was gladly about to give Tom. “You think yourself a Portlaw man, do you, Tom Lannagan? Well then, if you think that be the case, why not let the women of Portlaw be the judge of your manhood? I’ll bet thee another £5 that tomorrow night when you walk home through the factory gates, you dare not walk home wearing only your work shirt over your body and not another stitch!”
Jimmy Johnson knew Tom Lannagan to be an immensely proud man who would never be able to stand the shame of walking through the Portlaw Square of 144 women, wearing nought but a short shirt which hung no longer than his waist line and displaying the fullness of his manhood for all to see. He was so convinced that he'd publicly made Tom a wager he dared not accept that he repeated the challenge again; this time more loudly and raucously than he had previously. He knew that he would be thought no less of by his work mates for providing Tom with the opportunity to win back the five-pound wager he'd already lost, but he also knew that the proud tannery worker would never be able to live down the shame if he was crazy enough to take up the challenge.
Wanting to appear magnanimous to his work colleagues in the face of victory, Jimmy decided to offer Tom a way out which he knew his pride would prevent him from taking. Deep down, Jimmy secretly harboured the belief that Tom would neither be foolish nor brave enough to take up the challenge.
“I'll tell you what I'm prepared to do, Tom Lannagan,” Jimmy said on the Thursday morning of December 21st within the hearing of the other men at the Tannery. He spoke so loudly so that all present could be part of the goading he was gladly about to give Tom. “You think yourself a Portlaw man, do you, Tom Lannagan? Well then, if you think that be the case, why not let the women of Portlaw be the judge of your manhood? I’ll bet thee another £5 that tomorrow night when you walk home through the factory gates, you dare not walk home wearing only your work shirt over your body and not another stitch!”
Jimmy Johnson knew Tom Lannagan to be an immensely proud man who would never be able to stand the shame of walking through the Portlaw Square of 144 women, wearing nought but a short shirt which hung no longer than his waist line and displaying the fullness of his manhood for all to see. He was so convinced that he'd publicly made Tom a wager he dared not accept that he repeated the challenge again; this time more loudly and raucously than he had previously. He knew that he would be thought no less of by his work mates for providing Tom with the opportunity to win back the five-pound wager he'd already lost, but he also knew that the proud tannery worker would never be able to live down the shame if he was crazy enough to take up the challenge.
“What will it be then?” Jimmy Johnson jeeringly sneered as he held out his open palm. “Is it a bet, or are you chicken?”
To his utter surprise Tom Lannagan quietly replied, “You have a bet on two conditions.”
“And what might they be? It better not be to wear a longer shirt so you can cover your manhood. I want you to wear the standard tannery shirt, the same shirt you are wearing now; the one that doesn't come down below your waist line,” Jimmy asserted.
“I’ll wear this same short shirt, of that you have my word, but I’ll agree to the wager as specified, only if no worker here ever identifies me as the man who did it, to any other person who doesn’t already know by 5.35 pm on Friday that it was me. You must also agree not to tell anyone before then, especially your women folk and neighbours who work outside the Tannery. The shame of it will be hard enough for me to bear, and I’ll not have it put on my wife and my children before it need be!”
To his utter surprise Tom Lannagan quietly replied, “You have a bet on two conditions.”
“And what might they be? It better not be to wear a longer shirt so you can cover your manhood. I want you to wear the standard tannery shirt, the same shirt you are wearing now; the one that doesn't come down below your waist line,” Jimmy asserted.
“I’ll wear this same short shirt, of that you have my word, but I’ll agree to the wager as specified, only if no worker here ever identifies me as the man who did it, to any other person who doesn’t already know by 5.35 pm on Friday that it was me. You must also agree not to tell anyone before then, especially your women folk and neighbours who work outside the Tannery. The shame of it will be hard enough for me to bear, and I’ll not have it put on my wife and my children before it need be!”
Strange as the conditions specified by Tom seemed to be, the wager was sealed with the shake of spitted hands with his adversary before Jimmy Johnson changed his mind and withdrew the offer. Tom gave Jimmy's hand the type of bone-crushing shake he wouldn't forget in a hurry. All the other tannery workers also agreed to honour these conditions.
Around 5.10 pm on Friday the 22nd, realising that he would not be able to stem the embarrassment he'd feel with his bottom and manhood fully exposed to hundreds of women, Tom decided to prepare for the ordeal by 'psyching himself up.'
Around 5.10 pm on Friday the 22nd, realising that he would not be able to stem the embarrassment he'd feel with his bottom and manhood fully exposed to hundreds of women, Tom decided to prepare for the ordeal by 'psyching himself up.'
He stripped off completey inside the Tannery and after getting one of his work mates to bandage his hands like a sparring boxer, he began to vigorously 'work out' for five minutes, shadow boxing his fears into mental submission. For five minutes Tom sparred in the nude as he repeated over and over, "You can do it Tom! You can do it!"
Once this exercise had been completed, Tom felt ready to go and show himself to the women of Portlaw. He put his shirt back on and used the remaining minutes to take a few deep breaths and to generally relax.
By 5.30 pm the Tannery Square was filled to the brim with over 140 women; all waiting outside the gates to relieve their men folk of their weekly wage packets. The short shirt he wore barely came down to his waist and as Tom Lannagan stood there, the coldness in the air involuntarily made his manhood stand up as proud as his wife had always been able to do by simply touching it. All the other tannery workers laughed and waited to see if Tom would possess the courage to walk through the tannery gates into the throng of women waiting in the Village Square. A few even looked enviously at Tom while others mused that while their wives were no doubt getting a good Portlaw eyeful, they might be able to sneak past and get to the pub before their wives realised they'd gone.
Once this exercise had been completed, Tom felt ready to go and show himself to the women of Portlaw. He put his shirt back on and used the remaining minutes to take a few deep breaths and to generally relax.
By 5.30 pm the Tannery Square was filled to the brim with over 140 women; all waiting outside the gates to relieve their men folk of their weekly wage packets. The short shirt he wore barely came down to his waist and as Tom Lannagan stood there, the coldness in the air involuntarily made his manhood stand up as proud as his wife had always been able to do by simply touching it. All the other tannery workers laughed and waited to see if Tom would possess the courage to walk through the tannery gates into the throng of women waiting in the Village Square. A few even looked enviously at Tom while others mused that while their wives were no doubt getting a good Portlaw eyeful, they might be able to sneak past and get to the pub before their wives realised they'd gone.
Tom started to walk towards the door entrance to leave the Tannery. Within a matter of seconds he would be out through the work's door and into full view of the waiting crowd of women as he walked towards the tannery gates.
At the very last moment before he came into view of those outside, Tom saw a group of nuns from the local school walk up the road towards the Tannery and his heart momentarily sank with the shame of what he was about to do. Next, he took a deep breath, he grabbed a tight hold of the hem of his short shirt with both of his hands and pulled the garment over his head, completely disguising his identity before walking out into the waiting crowd and revealing his full glory.
At the very last moment before he came into view of those outside, Tom saw a group of nuns from the local school walk up the road towards the Tannery and his heart momentarily sank with the shame of what he was about to do. Next, he took a deep breath, he grabbed a tight hold of the hem of his short shirt with both of his hands and pulled the garment over his head, completely disguising his identity before walking out into the waiting crowd and revealing his full glory.
The women shouted raucously and belly laughed as the well-stacked Tom proudly walked on through them as though he was an Aberdeen Angus bull from Farmer Low’s herd, out on a Sunday stroll through a herd of cows as he decided which one to service next.
The Mother Superior heading her posse of nuns along Brown Street gasped in horror as she espied Tom's trophy of masculinity while one of the younger novices who was into art couldn't prevent having her eyes transfixed on the spectacle and took out her sketch pad to record the event. The Mother Superior's reaction to the streaker from the Tannery acted as a cue for most of the other nuns to cry out in horror at the sight of this naked man. Next, the Mother Superior fainted and needed to be revived with smelling salts by one of the sisters who couldn't take her eyes off Tom.
"Poor woman," said one of the Portlaw women, adding as she looked at the Mother Superior upon the ground. "I'm not surprised she fainted. Look at the size of that tanner's Trojan horse! It's big enough to make any Portlaw maiden pass out, let alone a 'Bride of Christ'. And she never having seen anything outside the mating of two mangy dogs on the street corner, I'd wager. No wonder, she fainted!"
The Mother Superior heading her posse of nuns along Brown Street gasped in horror as she espied Tom's trophy of masculinity while one of the younger novices who was into art couldn't prevent having her eyes transfixed on the spectacle and took out her sketch pad to record the event. The Mother Superior's reaction to the streaker from the Tannery acted as a cue for most of the other nuns to cry out in horror at the sight of this naked man. Next, the Mother Superior fainted and needed to be revived with smelling salts by one of the sisters who couldn't take her eyes off Tom.
"Poor woman," said one of the Portlaw women, adding as she looked at the Mother Superior upon the ground. "I'm not surprised she fainted. Look at the size of that tanner's Trojan horse! It's big enough to make any Portlaw maiden pass out, let alone a 'Bride of Christ'. And she never having seen anything outside the mating of two mangy dogs on the street corner, I'd wager. No wonder, she fainted!"
“Look at that whopper!” one woman yelled towards the male tannery workers. "I bet you lot wish that you were so well endowed, don't you?"
“Who is it?” yelled another gawking woman, adding, “I wouldn’t mind him filling my bunker with some of his coal any day of the week!”
After regaining her senses, the Mother Superior led her posse of nuns away from the temptation of the flesh and hurried on by. The Mother Superior was particularly concerned about the three novices in her Order who had yet to totally commit to a life of celibacy. She didn't need any unnecessary upset this late on in their postulance.
“Who is it?” yelled another gawking woman, adding, “I wouldn’t mind him filling my bunker with some of his coal any day of the week!”
After regaining her senses, the Mother Superior led her posse of nuns away from the temptation of the flesh and hurried on by. The Mother Superior was particularly concerned about the three novices in her Order who had yet to totally commit to a life of celibacy. She didn't need any unnecessary upset this late on in their postulance.
Beneath the cover of his tannery shirt Tom smiled as he walked on proud down William Street. In order to keep his nerve and to keep walking, Tom had decided to focus his mind on a beautiful Irish cottage in Glencoe, Country Antrim that he'd one day inherit when his beloved parents passed away. When that time came, he'd take his wife and family up to there to live out his days.
One of the tannery workers was just about to reveal Tom’s identity, when another stopped him. Pointing to the clock in the Village Square, all the tannery workers noticed it was 5.36 pm and remembered the condition of the wager that they’d all been party to and were therefore duty bound to keep as Portlaw men of their word.
One of the tannery workers was just about to reveal Tom’s identity, when another stopped him. Pointing to the clock in the Village Square, all the tannery workers noticed it was 5.36 pm and remembered the condition of the wager that they’d all been party to and were therefore duty bound to keep as Portlaw men of their word.
Tom walked all the way down William Street as though he was leaving the village. When he reached the bottom of William Street, a black Austin 7 car suddenly came into view and Tom jumped in it and couched down in the back seat as he sped off towards the direction of Waterford. The driver had changed the registration plates of the car for that night's business and to ensure that it couldn't be traced.
All that night and for many a month after, the most talked about tale in Portlaw’s three pubs was the one about the tannery wager. As no condition ever existed that prevented the identity of the man who’d lost the £5 wager being revealed, Jimmy Johnson was never allowed to live it down. For the rest of his life, he had to bite his tongue and honour his word regarding maintaining the identity of the naked tannery worker who'd managed to best him and win back the £5.
All that night and for many a month after, the most talked about tale in Portlaw’s three pubs was the one about the tannery wager. As no condition ever existed that prevented the identity of the man who’d lost the £5 wager being revealed, Jimmy Johnson was never allowed to live it down. For the rest of his life, he had to bite his tongue and honour his word regarding maintaining the identity of the naked tannery worker who'd managed to best him and win back the £5.
Later that Friday night, Tom Lannagan was quietly ushered back inside his house by the taxi driver (his brother from the next-door County of Tipperary), and was greeted by his smiling wife, Teresa.
The five children were put to bed earlier than usual. Tom handed his unopened wage packet over to his wife and she smilingly took it after kissing him on the cheek. One hour later, Teresa decided to give her man a little Christmas treat and so she got herself dressed up for him in a school uniform; trying to look as she did when they first started to fancy each other while still at school. It was at this point of the evening's proceedings that Tom realised that his colleen Teresa had truly forgiven him.
Precisely nine months later, Teresa managed to claim her own treat; her sixth child, a boy they named William; a name after the street that Tom had proudly walked down in his shirt only on that fateful day of the Tannery wager.
Tom had always had an excellent relationship with his wife Teresa. How else might he have persuaded the woman to bear him five children in just over six years and still allow him to share her bed. On the Thursday evening that week (the previous night), when Tom got home, he worked up the courage to tell his wife about their dilemma. He told Teresa about the £5 bet he’d already foolishly lost and the second £5 bet he would be obliged to pay out of tomorrow night’s wage packet if his plan didn't work. Teresa initially lost her temper and berated him for his sheer foolhardiness.
The five children were put to bed earlier than usual. Tom handed his unopened wage packet over to his wife and she smilingly took it after kissing him on the cheek. One hour later, Teresa decided to give her man a little Christmas treat and so she got herself dressed up for him in a school uniform; trying to look as she did when they first started to fancy each other while still at school. It was at this point of the evening's proceedings that Tom realised that his colleen Teresa had truly forgiven him.
Precisely nine months later, Teresa managed to claim her own treat; her sixth child, a boy they named William; a name after the street that Tom had proudly walked down in his shirt only on that fateful day of the Tannery wager.
Tom had always had an excellent relationship with his wife Teresa. How else might he have persuaded the woman to bear him five children in just over six years and still allow him to share her bed. On the Thursday evening that week (the previous night), when Tom got home, he worked up the courage to tell his wife about their dilemma. He told Teresa about the £5 bet he’d already foolishly lost and the second £5 bet he would be obliged to pay out of tomorrow night’s wage packet if his plan didn't work. Teresa initially lost her temper and berated him for his sheer foolhardiness.
“How could you, Tom?” she yelled at him. “How could you have played fast and loose with the money we need to live on ‘til next Friday, and it being Christmas in a few days' time? How can we possibly manage on ten shillings? Whatever did you bet him on? What could be worth risking the loss of ten pounds; that’s your entire week’s wages? We'll be lucky if we can manage a token tree as things are, and even if we do, they'll be nothing we can afford to put under it on Christmas Day this year for the children.”
Tom looked at his wife Teresa and said, “He tricked me and I was fool enough to fall for it! Having failed to win the love of my life seven years ago when you agreed to marry me instead of him, he sought to have my love of the church bring me down instead. He wanted to get me and the others to think badly of the Catholic Church by believing our Parish Priest, Father Donovan, to be no more than a sordid seducer of seventeen old girls. He tricked me, Teresa. He tricked and fooled me, and I fell for it hook, line and sinker!”
“Now listen here, Teresa. I've given the matter much thought and there may be a way out of this infernal trap if you will help me. This is what you must do,” Tom instructed his wife.
Tom looked at his wife Teresa and said, “He tricked me and I was fool enough to fall for it! Having failed to win the love of my life seven years ago when you agreed to marry me instead of him, he sought to have my love of the church bring me down instead. He wanted to get me and the others to think badly of the Catholic Church by believing our Parish Priest, Father Donovan, to be no more than a sordid seducer of seventeen old girls. He tricked me, Teresa. He tricked and fooled me, and I fell for it hook, line and sinker!”
“Now listen here, Teresa. I've given the matter much thought and there may be a way out of this infernal trap if you will help me. This is what you must do,” Tom instructed his wife.
Tom asked his wife to visit his brother Frank in Tipperary tomorrow and to arrange for him to be at the bottom of William Street at 5.35 pm precisely, driving an untraceable car and with the car engine running. To enable Teresa to visit his brother Frank in Tipperary without being noticed by any nosey Portlaw folk, Tom had arranged for a Kilkenny friend who owed him a favour, to borrow an old car that the Provisional I.R.A. used and to take Teresa there and back. Tom also asked his wife not to travel up to the Village Square with the other women tomorrow evening to collect the wages of their men folk. He reckoned if his wife wasn’t the one woman left without her man when all the others had paired off, then none of the other women might work it out that the naked shirt lifter was indeed her strapping Tom.
“I’m so glad that I got up the courage to tell you last night love,” Tom said when he eventually arrived home. “At least when all the others had left the Village Square, you weren’t standing there in shame seeing your man exposed to the world."
"I'd rather have you walk on with your shirt over your head revealing all your glory than to stand there in shame,” Teresa said gently as she kissed him tenderly. "It's far better to live one day upright than a lifetime bowing and scraping on your knees", that's what I say!" Then suddenly, she started to worry what folk would say if or when they eventually found out it had been Tom.
“But surely............ surely they’ll all find out it was you, some day?” Tom’s wife asked, "and then we'll be the subject of constant teasing and jibes!"
“I’m so glad that I got up the courage to tell you last night love,” Tom said when he eventually arrived home. “At least when all the others had left the Village Square, you weren’t standing there in shame seeing your man exposed to the world."
"I'd rather have you walk on with your shirt over your head revealing all your glory than to stand there in shame,” Teresa said gently as she kissed him tenderly. "It's far better to live one day upright than a lifetime bowing and scraping on your knees", that's what I say!" Then suddenly, she started to worry what folk would say if or when they eventually found out it had been Tom.
“But surely............ surely they’ll all find out it was you, some day?” Tom’s wife asked, "and then we'll be the subject of constant teasing and jibes!"
“No they won’t,” Tom replied. “Every last one of the tannery workers are sworn to secrecy; even Jimmy Johnson. I tell you, Teresa, the secret's sewn up tighter than the ceremonial ritual for joining the Masonic Lodge. Besides Teresa, however low a Portlaw man may stoop, he’ll never break his word after it’s been given and spitted palms have been crossed. He might get drunk and break 'the pledge'; he may miss Mass or even lie in the Confessional Box: he could even cheat with his best friend's wife while beating his own or even seek to have his wicked way with a nun who's in two minds whether to stay or go! He could do all or any of these things, but of one thing you can know for certain until your dying day what he won't do: a true Portlaw man will never break his word once spitted palms have been crossed!”
“So, there’s absolutely no way that you can be identified then, Tom?” his wife earnestly asked as she held out her open palm for it to be crossed with her husband’s sworn word.
Tom’s look changed as a piece of frightening awareness crossed the back of his memory bank.
“Surely not!” thought Tom silently. ”Surely not. It’s so long ago now..... why we were only 15 years old and I hadn't yet started going out with you and.........................................”
“Tom Lannagan!” his wife uttered. “Is there something else I should be knowing, man? Is there another from your past who saw your manhood before me? Come on, Boyo. Come on and spit it out!”
Copyright William Forde : February 2017.
Tom’s look changed as a piece of frightening awareness crossed the back of his memory bank.
“Surely not!” thought Tom silently. ”Surely not. It’s so long ago now..... why we were only 15 years old and I hadn't yet started going out with you and.........................................”
“Tom Lannagan!” his wife uttered. “Is there something else I should be knowing, man? Is there another from your past who saw your manhood before me? Come on, Boyo. Come on and spit it out!”
Copyright William Forde : February 2017.
