"After overeating at Christmas and putting on a few pounds, thousands of you out there will be considering how best to lose that Chrismas spare tyre that suddenly appeared. Then sadly, there will be thousands more who won't or couldn't give a silent fart for the oversized girths they now carry.
There are some exercises which are healthy to do like a gentle limbering up in the morning when one first gets out of bed. These are best done in the area outside the marital bed and are known for stimulating the blood flow. Then there are those exercises of a more energetic and vigorous nature which command the full control of one's bloodflow in order to push out the love boat and which demand the total abandonment of all restraint to better enjoy. These are best done inside one's marital bed, but can be acceptably performed on a ground rug in front of an open log fire to achieve a similar effect and are guaranteed to produce a warm glow inside the body before eating your morning oats at breakfast.
Now, I know that there will be a number of potato couches out there who would never consider the merits of exercising even when the failure to do so is almost guaranteed to kill them off long before they are qualified to draw their ever decreasing weekly pension. Their life has already been shortened enough to lose any more time keeping their body in better shape. They simply just cannot be bothered with all that huffing and puffing that such energetic press-ups demand. However; let me assure them that there are far better places to stuff a fat face into than the sugared hole of a stale doughnut that is well and truly past its sell by date.
Far, far better to attend one of my wife's Relaxation or Yoga classes which are held in Haworth and Keighley weekly. Now, she's certainly a woman who will make your blood flow faster simply by following her instructions on the ground mat. For me though, I'd much prefer to put on that extra few pounds by poking my fat face into her steak pie and two veg." William Forde: January 7th, 2014.