Number 46
By the age of thirteen, I’d been robbed of all childhood innocence and the world around me was changing faster than the serial altar-bound Liz Taylor could say, ‘I do.’ My hitherto rose-tinted glasses were removed, smashed to pieces and replaced with the adolescent spectacles of scepticism and mistrust.
The cause of this change was a film star called Betty Grable, who was also known by my peers as ‘number 46.’ Betty Grable precipitated my introduction to ‘the conspiracy theory.’
The cause of this change was a film star called Betty Grable, who was also known by my peers as ‘number 46.’ Betty Grable precipitated my introduction to ‘the conspiracy theory.’
Being a ‘let it all hang out’ 13-year-old, I could blow bubble gum with the best of the big mouths whilst ensuring that my intake of oxygen was sufficient to prevent me passing out.
In order to promote its own particular brand in the West Yorkshire bubble-gum war, one manufacturer cleverly cottoned on to the idea of including coloured picture cards of famous film stars inside the sealed wrappers. The series I was collecting numbered 50, and before long every child on the estate was saving them, swapping the duplicates and occasionally stealing any that was found ‘hanging around’ beyond the eyesight of the owner. Soon we were laying bets upon who would collect the full set first.
In order to promote its own particular brand in the West Yorkshire bubble-gum war, one manufacturer cleverly cottoned on to the idea of including coloured picture cards of famous film stars inside the sealed wrappers. The series I was collecting numbered 50, and before long every child on the estate was saving them, swapping the duplicates and occasionally stealing any that was found ‘hanging around’ beyond the eyesight of the owner. Soon we were laying bets upon who would collect the full set first.
Being unable to walk between the ages of 12 and 15 years due to a traffic accident, meant a lot of school absence for me and this enabled me to chew more bubble gum daily than any of the others racing to complete the set of film stars.
Three months into the contest, and via a combination of purchases, finds, swaps, swindles and thefts, I was way out in front and red-hot favourite to win. I was racing towards the finishing post with 49 picture cards in my back pocket. Only Betty Grable,’number 46’ stood between me and the prize as emerging as ‘top dog’.
Three months into the contest, and via a combination of purchases, finds, swaps, swindles and thefts, I was way out in front and red-hot favourite to win. I was racing towards the finishing post with 49 picture cards in my back pocket. Only Betty Grable,’number 46’ stood between me and the prize as emerging as ‘top dog’.
Needless to say, I never did manage to add ‘number 46’ to my collection. To tell the truth, I never did lay eyes on a ‘number 46’ and neither did any other collector on the estate. As James Cagney, ‘number 17’ in the series would have said, we began to smell the presence of ‘a dirty rat’.
After a 3-hour council of war, it was unanimously agreed by the 18-strong bubble-gum brigade that ‘number 46’ didn’t exist. We agreed that it was a kind of 'find the lady' card trick that cardsharps used, and which the poor punter never won because the lady was never in the pack to be found in the first place! Having solved the bubble-gum scam, we even went so far as to proclaim that no such glamour doll called Betty Grable ever existed and that it was just another card-trick scam!
From that day forth, we became determined to treat all adult scam-merchants with deep mistrust and the contempt they deserved. We mingled our blood by use of a small penknife and swore an oath on the pain of death, never again to be dealt a hand with one card missing. All among us agreed that all adults are ‘dirty rats’.
From that day forth, we became determined to treat all adult scam-merchants with deep mistrust and the contempt they deserved. We mingled our blood by use of a small penknife and swore an oath on the pain of death, never again to be dealt a hand with one card missing. All among us agreed that all adults are ‘dirty rats’.
This experience with the picture-card scam cost us the trusting spring of innocence in our stride towards manhood. We now trod the path of adolescent life; weighed down with a healthy dose of worldly scepticism anchored in our boots.
During my adult life, I’ve met many stars and famous names from the celebrity world of stage, screen and film, sports arena, royalty, church and state. Since 1989, I’ve even managed to persuade over 850 famous names to read from my children’s books in Yorkshire schools. As young children around the ages of 9 and 7 years, the late Princess Diana used to read two of my published books to the young princes, William and Harry. I’ve spoken with the late Princess Margaret on the phone and Princess Diana, I’ve met Princess Anne, and Queen Elizabeth presented me with an MBE in the early 90s. My charitable work has been supported by two presidents, two prime ministers, three archbishops, a drug tsar and three chief constables. Former Chief Inspector of Schools for OFSTED, Chris Woodhead, once described my writing in a press interview he gave as being of ‘High quality literature’, the late Dame Catherine Cookson liked some of my stories so much that she and her husband Tom funded a 500 limited-edition publication with all book sale revenue going to Mencap, television personalities Brigit Forsyth (of 'the Likely Lads' fame) and Magician Paul Daniels have recorded some of my stories for radio transmission and I once received a telephone call from Nelson Mandela who congratulated me upon one of my published books called, ’Two Worlds-One Heart’ and described my African stories as 'wonderful.'
Between 1989 and 2000, regional newspapers in Yorkshire covered my work and charitable activities in over 2000 photographs and articles. The single question that I was most often asked by journalists and media reporters was ‘how’ I managed to persuade this galaxy of stars to become a celebrity reader in our schools, publicly reading from the published works of a relatively unknown and obscure author for nil payment as well as offering their support in other ways to my writing and charitable projects. All I could reply in honest certainty was, “I invited them by letter and they agreed.”
Now, I’ve blown enough dodgy bubble gum to realise that the odds against so many of them accepting the invitation to read from a relatively unknown West Yorkshire author, simply because they were asked, is greater than the likelihood of Jo Brand declining the offer of a fresh cream bun after a three-week enforced fast.
Now, I’ve blown enough dodgy bubble gum to realise that the odds against so many of them accepting the invitation to read from a relatively unknown West Yorkshire author, simply because they were asked, is greater than the likelihood of Jo Brand declining the offer of a fresh cream bun after a three-week enforced fast.
A graduate with a quadruple PHD in Psychology, Astrology, Existentialism and Chinese Philosophy might tell you that having been born a Scorpio in the Year of the Horse might explain it. Alternatively, my good luck may just be down to having been born the eldest of seven children who was also born to an Irish mother, who herself was the eldest of seven. Or perhaps, being a person who was nurtured upon the wholesomeness of Hovis brown bread and Horlicks, allied to a belief in God, was guarantee enough to ensure that such a pedigree was simply running true to form in my journey to the stars. Or I might have been perceived as having been no more or less than a 13-year-old boy who grew up determined never again to be thwarted in his ambition to secure ‘a complete set’ by some unobtainable star.
I will readily accept that there is no ‘number 46’ in my pack of cards and that when I sent out an invitation to a celebrity to publicly read from my books in one of our children’s schools, at the point of writing the invitation I did not believe that it would be declined. From 854 invitations, all except two were accepted. From the 852 famous names who accepted the invitation, all proceeded to read in school assemblies or libraries from my books with the exception of two public readings ‘that I cancelled’; one by Cherie Blair and the other by Margaret Thatcher. However, that’s a story for another day recounted in this section of my website under the title, 'The one that got away.'
Whenever I had contact with the stars, I was forever mindful that they also lived on the same plane of this Earth as me and other humans. So, although they are designated ‘stars’, they can be reached: unless of course you believe them to be beyond your grasp.
Copyright William Forde March, 2012.
