Blog Archives - FordeFables

April 29th, 2014.

29/4/2014

Thought for today:
"For most married couples, the arrival of the stork's delivery with their little bundle of joy is an occasion to be fondly remembered. If they are lucky, the newcomer will constantly smile and coo, eat tidily and sleep without interruption throughout the night. They'll be so good that from two days old they'll poo to order in their own potty, negating the need for a new washer to cope with the mountain of baby nappies to change! You might even forget that you have them. Indeed you won't even know that they're there because, in reality they're not. Wake up......you're dreaming! You've already had an hour's sleep......He's hungry again.......He's poohed his pants and he farts more often than your old man beside you!

I've a theory that if storks deliver good children then its the raven which delivers the beasties. From the moment some children first cry upon having their backside slapped, they seem to become addicted to the sound of their own cry and remain squealers forevermore. It's as though they were born to be drama queens; never happy unless they are overindulged, overfed, and always wanting to be over there when they're over here! Whatever they have is the opposite of what they want, though many might argue they rarely get what they truly deserve.

Were you delivered by a stork or a raven? Were you a cooer or a pooer? Ask your parents if they're still around to tell you or failing that show your partner these images and ask them." William Forde: April 29th, 2014.

April 28th, 2014.

28/4/2014

Thought for today:
"In the full span of things life can be short, so it's better to make your hugs long and enduring for we never know when we next wrap arms around the one we love.

There have been numerous studies that have shown that children whose parents hug them as they develop, tend to grow into more loving, expressive, caring and all-round adults who are happy in their own skin and don't make others jump out of theirs.

They are also stronger individuals, unafraid to mix in any company and walk with head held high or in humble and respectful presence. They are known to have the potential to resurrect hope in the desolate, bring comfort to the sick, promote peace in the dying and raise compassion in the hardest of hearts. They even have the ability to ferment forgiveness in the most stubborn and embittered of souls. They possess the ambitious desire to broaden horizons in the narrowest of minds and yet have the humility to recognise one's potential limits and reluctance towards such change during moments of high resistance.

Such individuals come to be known by many different labels of human description. Some will know them as 'saint', but more often we call them 'good friend' and others 'soul mate'. I have even heard of 'good persons, parents, partners, husbands or wives' included in this honour roll of recognition. Whoever they be or from wherever they come, of one thing we can be certain: that from the very moment of their first contact with the world until their last breath has been expired in it, they learned how to hug and they subsequently reaped the rewards of their tactile tuition." William Forde: April 28th, 2014.Thought for today:
"In the full span of things life can be short, so it's better to make your hugs long and enduring for we never know when we next wrap arms around the one we love.

There have been numerous studies that have shown that children whose parents hug them as they develop, tend to grow into more loving, expressive, caring and all-round adults who are happy in their own skin and don't make others jump out of theirs.

They are also stronger individuals, unafraid to mix in any company and walk with head held high or in humble and respectful presence. They are known to have the potential to resurrect hope in the desolate, bring comfort to the sick, promote peace in the dying and raise compassion in the hardest of hearts. They even have the ability to ferment forgiveness in the most stubborn and embittered of souls. They possess the ambitious desire to broaden horizons in the narrowest of minds and yet have the humility to recognise one's potential limits and reluctance towards such change during moments of high resistance.

Such individuals come to be known by many different labels of human description. Some will know them as 'saint', but more often we call them 'good friend' and others 'soul mate'. I have even heard of 'good persons, parents, partners, husbands or wives' included in this honour roll of recognition. Whoever they be or from wherever they come, of one thing we can be certain: that from the very moment of their first contact with the world until their last breath has been expired in it, they learned how to hug and they subsequently reaped the rewards of their tactile tuition." William Forde: April 28th, 2014.

April 27th, 2014.

27/4/2014

Thought for today:
"Oh butterfly woman of deepest dreams, blow thy sweet passion my way and change my fortune for the better with the chrystalisation of my soul from sinner to saint. If metamorphosis means anything, allow me to make all change required of me before you call me back into account. Let your butterflies find rest upon my person and break not upon the wheel of my weary bones." William Forde: April 27th, 2014.

April 26th, 2014

26/4/2014

Thought for today:
"All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe to my mother. While it required both mum and dad to give me life, my mother gave me soul and infused me with the belief that anything is possible if you never disown or disgrace yourself, your background or your God. I was taught to honour all three by my mother. My dad who had been reared during a time when a man's word was his bond added , 'Honour your word' as the fourth commandment of the Forde family. The first three children of the family were born in Southern Ireland and the next four were born in West Yorkshire. As the photo above shows, I have always been bonnier than the next two girls in the chain of command.

Twenty eight years ago today my mother died at the early age of 64 years. Although many of her grand children and great grand children never knew her, they meet her on every occasion that they come across me and my six siblings. Some even see her features daily in the image of their children, though they may not recognize it as readily as myself.

Although a non-academic who left school to work as soon as she entered her early teens, my mum was nevertheless a woman of substance who taught all seven of her children the finest lesson of all; to look out for each other as long as we live. Her education may have been unfinished, but her wisdom and depth of thought was profound and started each of her children in their journey of life along a wholesome road. She was a born story teller or as others may prefer to have described her, 'a teller of tall truths' and I'm sure that my sixty published books are down to her indirect influence.

She always encouraged the honest expression of one's feelings at the moment of their birth. She never thought crying to be unmanly and believed that tears are the raw expression of the bravest of thoughts. Mum also said to think before speaking as one can never retrieve the spoken word nor get back the stone after the throw. One of her nicest pieces of wisdom though was when she told us to walk gently through the world as we are not always aware when we tred upon the fragile feelings of others. She also said that we should know the earth's beauty all the days of our life.

I remember the last time I saw her looking out of the hospital window from her bed in Staincliffe Hospital the day before she died. I had just spent an hour visiting her and said that I'd visit again tomorrow .She was smiling.

My mum wasn't faultless by any stretch of the imagination, but by God she was a good person and a loving mother. I would best descibe her as being a perfect example of how to find oneself and remain happy and content with the person found. Through the very example of her existence, she taught me the two most treasured lessons that any mother could teach her child; how to live and how to die with dignity. Her secret was simple; never keep your love distant from others and always keep a smile close by. I love you mum. I miss you. Your eldest child Billy x" William Forde: April 26th, 2014.

April 25th,2014

25/4/2014

Thought for today:

"When we lock indifference inside our hearts, we lock out the goodness in our lives.

There once was a wise man whose job was to educate his rich master's son. The boy had been born into a world of plenty where his family's wealth, title and power bought them privileges beyond one's wildest dreams.

His upbringing and conditioning had in effect hardened his heart to many of the world's injustices and he began to slowly despise himself for the type of person he was fast becoming.

As the boy gradually grew older, he developed a conscience and found it harder to continue in the absolute belief he'd once held about the merits of wealth, title, power and privilege being able to purchase peace, happiness and contentment at the expense of others' poverty and hardship.

'What is wrong with me?' he asked his tutor. 'Why do I feel so unhappy and discontent with my lot in life when I have riches at my disposal that thousands would die for?'

'Perhaps that's the problem, young master,' the wise man replied, adding, 'From what I've been led to understand, thousands have given their lives to advance the wealth which your family enjoy today!'

Seeing that his pupil did not understand the weight of his words, he went to a cupboard and took from within a pair of scales.Then he arranged for the cook to send up from the kitchen, the heart of an ox. The wise man placed the ox's heart on one side of the scales and asked his pupil to gather up all the rings, diamonds, jewellery and gold coin he possessed and place them on the other side of the scales. When that was done, the great wealth amassed on one side of the scales made the scales very much one sided.

'That is why you are unhappy today, young master,' the wise man replied. 'Your heart has remained locked up all those years and has been kept away from the lives and experiences of those less fortunate than yourself. It has been replaced by wealth and privilege; which however much you possess, can never weigh as much on the scales of justice and happiness as that of a kind heart inside a good person.'

'But....but how can I become happy and content? Do I have to dispose of all the wealth I possess?' the boy asked.

'No' said the wise man, adding,' Merely place it to one side and never allow it more regard or to weigh more heavily in your consideration than the pain, suffering and hardships of others. Never allow wealth to outweigh the feelings, consideration, respect and love you give out to all others. Do this and you will unlock your heart and throw out all indifference, and allow goodness to enter in its place and remain therein forevermore.Only then shall you truly know the wealth you seek!'" William Forde: April 25th, 2014.

April 24th, 2014

24/4/2014

Thought for today;
"I was recently reading about some people who are currently unemployed and in receipt of more benefit than many full-time workers earn for a full-time job.

Now given the parlous state of the economy and the lack of work which pays above the minimum-wage level, I don't blame anyone who finds themselves unemployed through no fault of their own. However, I do blame the Government past and present for allowing any able-bodied person to receive unemployment benefit without being required to do some community work in return for at least three days labour in every five-day working week.

Fifty years ago, I arrived in Toronto, Canada in the bleak of winter. I was amazed to see how many men there were clearing the snow off the roads and highways during a time of high snow drifts in temperatures of minus 20 degrees. I later learned that over half of the workers were those who were claiming unemployment benefit and who were giving their time in repayment of government benefits; not voluntarily I would add, but nevertheless ungrudgingly! These benefit claimants worked alongside and among the regular government salaried road-maintenance workers and all wore the same indistinguishable uniforms. At the time, the Canadian Government argued that, 'Nobody of able-bodied means gets anything in return for doing nothing!' I also recall that the Canadian philosophy of the time believed that maintaining the work ethos of a man enabled one to maintain self-respect.

What a marvellous idea! I reckon that we could do with a dose of that rationale in our country today; don't you? 'Hey mate, don't drop your litter round here. It's not a circus! Get it bagged!'" William Forde: April 24th, 2014.

April 23rd, 2014

23/4/2014

Thought for today:
"They do say that the best teachers to learn from are those tutors who show you where to look and not tell you what to look at; a teacher who seeks not to interpret the meaning of the image you see there.

Sixty years ago, I first came across the true meaning of meditation and relaxation after having incurred a bad traffic accident and being told that I'd never walk again. Then I learned about the power of the imagination and how harnessing one's images and using one's visualisation can make the body do unbelievable things.

Twenty years later, I first became acquainted with Rogerian counselling; a 'client centred' approach which is 'non-directive and non-judgemental.' This is a therapy where the client is cured through a process of finding and developing self-love. While most observers who are unfamiliar with this process will only see and hear a lot of 'ums' and 'ahs' from the counseller, I know that this approach can and has worked for many people who are prepared to undergo long-term therapy and who need to be listened to more than reasoned with.

As a Probation Officer for most of my working life, I was naturally acquainted with the work of Sigmund Freud in my training and while I found many of his psycho-analytical theories bizarre, I did find some of his work upon neurosis very pertinent. I later learned that often the only way to cure someone of a particular neurosis which badly hampered their life was to teach them to substitute it with a more innocuous one.

Then one night I was watching late night television and onto my screen came a rather inebriated psychiatrist called Ronald David Laing. Although Laing was half drunk at the time of his television discussion, he spoke a remarkable lot of sense. Laing appealed to me because he was a rebel; a revolutionary who held views which ran counter to the psychiatric orthodoxy of the day. He took the expressed feelings of his patients to be valid descriptions of their lived experiences rather than mere symptoms of some underlying disorder. For example, any patient who believed that they were King Henry the Fourth reincarnated was approached and spoken to by him as though they were King Henry the Fourth and not some nut case. Laing knew that if the mind led one to believe an untruth then it was perfectly natural for the body to live out that experience. He also propounded the theory of 'Reframing', taking a problem situation and looking at it anew. For example, don't get upset if you are awake all night and sleep all day; instead think, 'Just look at how much I can get done in the early hours when everyone else is asleep and I can get on unhindered.'

Then I discovered the work of Albert Ellis who worked in the field of Emotional Disturbance and before very long I found myself being fascinated by the Behaviourists of the day. The Behaviourist approach, although largely frowned upon in England in the early 1970s, appealed to me tremendously because they were concerned with changing the effect of a particular form of problem behaviour as opposed to finding the cause and just talking about it! While naturally being interested in 'the cause' of any particular problem behaviour, it was this pragmatic approach of 'What can I do to change this situation/behaviour' which led me to specialise in Behaviour Modification.

Most behavioural work and modification of behaviour necessitates the use of Relaxation Training as an aid towards effecting change and so I became a Relaxation Instructor. Over the years ahead, I became wholly eclectic in my working methods as I derived ideas, styles, approaches from a diverse range of sources, theories and disciplines of working; selecting what I considered to be best practice from this and that along the way. It was this particular eclectic approach which gradually led me on to found the discipline and process of 'Anger Management' which mushroomed across the English speaking world within a matter of two years in the early 70s.

All of this, is to simply say that there is no 'one way' or 'no best way' for all varieties of problems and all types of people. Whereas one person responds better to 'this' approach, another will respond better to 'that.' While one person will more willingly accept the philosophy of one worker, another will instantly reject that of another. So the next time that you hear any purist advocate a universal panacea to counter one condition or another, take my advice and take a wide berth.

Consider:if you were arranging a meal to cater for a wide mixture of people from all four corners of the world next week; some meat lovers, others vegetarians and some vegans, you wouldn't dream of offering them all the same food to eat, would you? And even were you to persuade them all to partake, you couldn't possibly make them chew and digest what you'd served or stop them thowing up later on!" William Forde: April 23rd, 201

April 22nd, 2014.

22/4/2014

Thought for today:
"Some people behave like drama queens. They first overreact to something they don't like and after making a great fuss and palava, they resume their more normal 'on edge' disposition, at the ready to flare up again at the next small spark of disagreement.

In short, they like to make storms in a teacup and then complain about getting mad. They are their own worst enemies and yet, this type of behaviour isn't confined to nasty people alone. I know many a good person who cannot seem to exist unless they are at the centre of a perpetual crisis; usually one of their own making or design. There will always be a problem in their life or on the horizon because the maelstrom of their mind will always look for one!

I recall hearing of a couple of long-term elderly residents in an Old Folk's Home. Neither of the two had spoken to one another for many years, yet they daily entered into battle; talking about each other disparagingly to other residents and overall pulling the other person down. Despite this lengthy silence of over a decade's duration, neither could remember what had been the cause of their original fall out. Their daily disagreeable discourse continued to be carried out for a full fourteen years and only stopped when one of the two male residents died in their sleep, aged ninety two.

I was told that while no apparent remorse was expressed by the surviving pratagonist, he nevertheless entered into a permanent state of bereavement after the funeral until he also died some three weeks later. It was thought that the death of one had taken away the life purpose of the other.

Life is too short and is far too sweet to waste in quarrelsome mood and cantankerous mind. Have a good day out there." William Forde: April 22nd, 2014.

April 21st, 2014

21/4/2014

Thought for today:
"I congratulate Queen Elizabeth most warmly upon reaching her 88th birthday. When I was growing up on a council house estate in West Yorkshire, I recall being one of many thousands of children waving little flags as the Queen passed by in her car from a distance. Even today, sixty years on I remember the smile she wore that day.

Little did I realise then, that one day in the years ahead that I would see that smile up much closer when I called around to her house to see her. It had been indicated in a somewhat official letter to me by 'The Honours Committee' that she wanted to pin a medal on me. It was an MBE; that's one up from a 'Blue Peter Badge' for the unitiated. Though my official letter of recognition was stuffy, I could never say that about the Queen's smile. It hadn't seemed to change since the first time I'd glimpsed it from afar some forty three years earlier.

Indeed, the more I think about things, how little I ever imagined as a child that one day I would have a number of brushes with royalty. I have been privileged in my time to have spoken with Princess Diana and Princess Margaret by phone, to have had Princess Anne open a Disability Centre for me in Dewsbury by Bill's request. I also sat five rows behind the Queen and Prince Philip at a stadium in Leeds many years before my investiture; although on that occasion I could only see the back of their heads as they nodded their royal approval. I couldn't tell of what they'd approved at the time; it might even have been a Yorkshire pork pie they'd been scoffing.

I was interested to hear on the radio this morning that the famous photographer, David Bailey who has released the most recent image of Her Majesty, described her as having a mischievious smile. I can most certainly testify to that.

Which leads me nicely to my investiture ceremony at Buckingham Palace during 1995. As I approached the Queen to receive my gong, I was gobsmacked by Her Majesty’s lack of height, so much so that when she politely asked,'What kind of books do you write Mr Forde?' the only reply I could muster was, 'Good ones, Maam, good ones!'

As the Queen gave me a straight-faced glance with a look that reflected confusion instead of amusement, I could sense one of the Beefeaters behind her raise his axe in anticipation of her next command as he moved forward three paces. Suddenly that royal ‘We are not amused’ look suddenly changed. The royal face softened, the majestic cheeks widened and the Queen laughed: not smiled as protocol decrees, but palpably laughed! It may have been the quiet mischievious laugh of a reserved lady and not a ‘Barnsley belly buster’, but a royal laugh it was nevertheless; and I’ve got it on video and photographs to prove it. Isn't life strange?" William Forde: April 21st, 2014.

April 20th, 2014.

20/4/2014

Thought for today:
"Today is Easter Sunday and it is also the birthday of my first born James, who lives in France with his wife and two children. James is the second from the left in the photo of my four boys.
We all remember our own children in different ways for a vast variety of reasons.

When James was starting Primary school, me and his mother separated and he was brought up by his mother. At the time of separation, I charged him, being the first born, to look out for his brother Adam. Having been brought up the eldest of seven children, while such a request seemed perfectly natural to me, it was far too onerous a responsibility to place on one so young. To his credit, until Adam came to live with me some eight years later, James did look out for his brother. Looking back son, this was too much to ask of a young child, but in doing it, you demonstrated the calibre of the adult you grew up to be.

Today, you are a success in your job, you seem happily married and have parented two beautiful children, Sam and Jessica. I wish you a happy birthday son on this your special day and if you have a good look at all my sons, you'll be able to clearly see where all your good looks come from, given that I'm the only constant in the equation as there was more than one mother involved. I love you James. Happy birthday Dad x" William Forde: April 20th,2014.