Chapter Nine: ‘Marriage Breakup’
For over three years, Mary and Paddy tried to have children, but alas, none came. Mary eventually drummed up the courage to ask her husband to get himself tested with her. She suggested that they were tested in Waterford to see if both were able to have children. This suggestion of Mary’s caused their very first big argument.
Paddy was essentially too proud ever to contemplate that he might not be able to give Mary children and would undoubtedly have considered it unmanly were he to discover that he was firing blanks in the bedroom. Mary, on the other hand, considered the matter too grave an issue not to find out why children had evaded them for so long now.
After numerous rows, the issue started to sour their previously happy relationship so much, that reluctantly, Paddy agreed. The tests confirmed that while one of them could have a child, the other could not! Blood tests revealed that Paddy was infertile. Reasons forwarded included his condition of diabetes since childhood plus a hernia in his groin. Another possible reason was Paddy having been exposed to lead poisoning at the age of eight years old from a public-shared lavatory that four neighbouring families used in Kilkenny.
Paddy was essentially too proud ever to contemplate that he might not be able to give Mary children and would undoubtedly have considered it unmanly were he to discover that he was firing blanks in the bedroom. Mary, on the other hand, considered the matter too grave an issue not to find out why children had evaded them for so long now.
After numerous rows, the issue started to sour their previously happy relationship so much, that reluctantly, Paddy agreed. The tests confirmed that while one of them could have a child, the other could not! Blood tests revealed that Paddy was infertile. Reasons forwarded included his condition of diabetes since childhood plus a hernia in his groin. Another possible reason was Paddy having been exposed to lead poisoning at the age of eight years old from a public-shared lavatory that four neighbouring families used in Kilkenny.
Paddy found the news very hard to accept and although he hardly drank alcohol prior to his marriage, he soon abandoned his abstinence. For the following six months, Paddy would arrive home too often the worse for wear, having spent a few hours in the pub after leaving work.
The deterioration in their relationship was so rapid that most contact between them now seemed cold and loveless. As far as Mary was concerned, there was no point in them making love any more. She saw her marriage as being ended; a futile gesture that had lost its purpose, a mere shadow of their early dreams.
After Paddy learned he was the infertile one, his sexual interest also waned, and before long, he started to lose the very gentleness in his ways. Such gentleness had been the very trait which had first attracted Mary to him. It was a characteristic which made him less coarse than most men in their tongue and ways.
The couple gradually stopped talking and eating together, and it was only after they had stopped sleeping together in the same bed, that Paddy realised he was no longer a good-enough man for the woman he had married. The sudden change in their relationship had appeared as quickly as any mountain accident. It was as if an avalanche had swept into their marriage and had buried any trace of happiness which had once existed between them, beneath a mountain of snow.
After Paddy learned he was the infertile one, his sexual interest also waned, and before long, he started to lose the very gentleness in his ways. Such gentleness had been the very trait which had first attracted Mary to him. It was a characteristic which made him less coarse than most men in their tongue and ways.
The couple gradually stopped talking and eating together, and it was only after they had stopped sleeping together in the same bed, that Paddy realised he was no longer a good-enough man for the woman he had married. The sudden change in their relationship had appeared as quickly as any mountain accident. It was as if an avalanche had swept into their marriage and had buried any trace of happiness which had once existed between them, beneath a mountain of snow.
All joint visits to Mary’s father and family in Clonmel ceased and on the few occasions Mary now saw them, she was always alone. Naturally, they would enquire where Paddy was and Mary would usually provide some excuse regarding his absence, which eventually became less convincing the more times she made one! Her step mother could tell that all was not as it should be between Mary and Paddy, and it was she who eventually pressed Mary to divulge her troubles, in strict confidence.
During one such visit, Nancy took Mary to one side and after a brief time together; Mary broke her silence and told her stepmother about the deterioration in her marriage and the reasons for such. While Nancy obviously sympathised with Mary’s plight, she also urged Mary not to write Paddy off too soon, as she was convinced he was a good man. Nancy intrinsically felt that it was only natural for Paddy to feel bad that he would never be able to be a father in more than name, and that the mere shock of him discovering that he could not give his wife a child, would be enough to make any man feel unsure of himself ever again!
After that conversation with Nancy, Mary felt guilty. She returned to Portlaw determined to try again with her husband Paddy and to restore, if possible, the closeness they once felt for each other. She resolved that if they could even become ‘best friends’, that might be enough of itself to keep them together, and hopefully enable the passage of time to heal old wounds and lead to a more peaceful resolution between them.
During one such visit, Nancy took Mary to one side and after a brief time together; Mary broke her silence and told her stepmother about the deterioration in her marriage and the reasons for such. While Nancy obviously sympathised with Mary’s plight, she also urged Mary not to write Paddy off too soon, as she was convinced he was a good man. Nancy intrinsically felt that it was only natural for Paddy to feel bad that he would never be able to be a father in more than name, and that the mere shock of him discovering that he could not give his wife a child, would be enough to make any man feel unsure of himself ever again!
After that conversation with Nancy, Mary felt guilty. She returned to Portlaw determined to try again with her husband Paddy and to restore, if possible, the closeness they once felt for each other. She resolved that if they could even become ‘best friends’, that might be enough of itself to keep them together, and hopefully enable the passage of time to heal old wounds and lead to a more peaceful resolution between them.
While Paddy was pleased to find a semblance of peace return to their failing marriage, things were never quite the same again between the couple as they had once been. A cautious truce was established, which recognised the roles of each partner within the household. Every time the couple’s eyes met however, each knew that their relationship had crossed their Rubicon of no return. Their marital relationship had crossed their river of regret, and both knew there would be no going back to the happy and loving relationship they had once shared when first married and dreaming of a family to come. Even to touch her husband, would now lead Mary to instantly recoil.
Another year passed between the couple, but despite their honest attempt to salvage their marriage, no improvement in their relationship proved possible and their marriage rapidly deteriorated. Mary seemed to become more and more depressed with her motherless status and Paddy's infertile seed led him to drowned his sorrows in the pub most evenings; returning only after the pub had closed for the night. The couple gradually drew farther apart and eventually; neither seemed to possess the will to stop the widening.
XXXxxxxxxxxx
XXXxxxxxxxxx
One evening while waiting for the bus to take her back from the Creamery in Kilmeaden after her day’s work had finished, it started to rain heavily. As Mary cowered from the pelting rain beneath her old umbrella which offered her some modest protection, Sean Morris, the Supervisor at Mary’s place of works, joined her at the bus stop.
Seeing Mary get a good soaking in the rain, despite being beneath the brolly, led Sean to offer her his coat to place over her shoulders as an additional protection. Of course, Mary refused, but Sean would hear no argument and continued taking it from his own back and draping it across her shoulders.
Sean lived seven miles farther on from the Portlaw bus stop where Mary alighted, in a small cottage on the road into Carrick-on-Suir. He had never married and seemed more interested in remaining single while he advanced his career at the Creamery. It was rumoured at the Creamery that Sean was a man with an eye for the women. His criteria for a suitable woman specified that they be single, attractive and prepared to remain emotionally unattached. For Sean, until he'd progressed far enough in his job, marriage was not on the cards and remained no more than a possibility on a far horizon.
Seeing Mary get a good soaking in the rain, despite being beneath the brolly, led Sean to offer her his coat to place over her shoulders as an additional protection. Of course, Mary refused, but Sean would hear no argument and continued taking it from his own back and draping it across her shoulders.
Sean lived seven miles farther on from the Portlaw bus stop where Mary alighted, in a small cottage on the road into Carrick-on-Suir. He had never married and seemed more interested in remaining single while he advanced his career at the Creamery. It was rumoured at the Creamery that Sean was a man with an eye for the women. His criteria for a suitable woman specified that they be single, attractive and prepared to remain emotionally unattached. For Sean, until he'd progressed far enough in his job, marriage was not on the cards and remained no more than a possibility on a far horizon.
Sean earned a good wage as Supervisor at the Creamery and he wanted no demands by any other that might cramp his style or hamper his career. Sean knew that if he played his cards right and avoided any manner of trouble that might tarnish his reputation, it was said that he would naturally advance to the role of Manager of the Creamery when the present manager retired in six years’ time. Being a manager before he was barely thirty years old was unheard of, and so Sean was as keen as mustard to protect his image and reputation; indeed, do anything required to safeguard the bright future that beckoned.
While Sean had frequently caught the same bus as Mary did after finishing work, whenever additional business did not keep him behind, he had never sat with her previously. It was not until after that afternoon in the rain when he had behaved like a chivalrous knight and had given Mary his coat that he started to view her in a different light and started sitting alongside her on the bus whenever they caught it on their way home together.
Having looked closely at Mary that day in the rain and having seen her wet clothes make the outline of her breasts more fulsome, had stirred a passion in him for this Portlaw woman, which had not previously existed. He had many a wet dream over Mary during the month ahead as he imagined them both as lovers dancing in the rain, followed by making mad passionate love before a log fire as they dried off back at his cottage.
As fate decrees, those who seek it not, sometimes find, but not to expect it at all is one sure way of having it fall into one’s lap!
Within a short space of time, Mary and her Supervisor Sean had crossed the divide from that of admirer to one of greater intimacy. That which had started as a harmless gesture by a rainy bus stop, gradually grew into the development of a closeness between the couple, followed by the ‘chance meetings’ they might have in Waterford where a cup of tea and a chat might be had over flirtatious chatter and naughty thoughts. Even in public places like tea houses or the lounge of a public house, Sean often found it impossible to keep his hands off Mary. She was flattered by the attention he paid her and which she badly needed.
XXXXXXxxxxxx
Within a short space of time, Mary and her Supervisor Sean had crossed the divide from that of admirer to one of greater intimacy. That which had started as a harmless gesture by a rainy bus stop, gradually grew into the development of a closeness between the couple, followed by the ‘chance meetings’ they might have in Waterford where a cup of tea and a chat might be had over flirtatious chatter and naughty thoughts. Even in public places like tea houses or the lounge of a public house, Sean often found it impossible to keep his hands off Mary. She was flattered by the attention he paid her and which she badly needed.
XXXXXXxxxxxx
The first time Mary and Sean had sex was to be the only time they slept together. It happened one night when Mary’s husband Paddy incurred an accident and was kept in hospital for the week with a badly broken leg. Mary told Sean she would be visiting her husband that evening in hospital and they agreed to meet up afterwards by the clock on the quayside.
As Mary waited for Sean as arranged beneath the clock tower, she thought about all those happier times when she had met her husband Paddy there during their courtship days. A large part of her felt guilty about being a married woman and secretly meeting another man in clandestine circumstances, especially when her husband was laid up in hospital, while a bit of her was simply bursting to feel alive again. She needed to feel wanted again by someone; anyone! She craved the attention.
Shortly after Mary and Sean met up, he indicated his fear of being seen in public, outside work hours, especially with a married woman by any of the Creamery workers. He feared damage to his reputation if he and Mary were to become the topic of salacious gossip in their communities and work place. As they walked out along the quay to arrange transport home, Sean asked Mary to pull her collar up if they passed anyone to avoid recognition.
He suggested to Mary to come back to his cottage with him on the Carrick-on-Suir road for the night. Not being the kind of woman that any man could persuade if she did not want persuading, Mary surprised Sean and herself and agreed to sleep overnight at the cottage.
It had been a long time since Mary had experienced sex with her husband Paddy and their exclusivity had often made her wonder in the last year, what it might be like with another man. Paddy was the only man she had ever slept with, and part of her was curious as to how having sex with Sean would compare. She wanted to know if the experience would be better than what she'd known before.
She was sad to find the experience highly disappointing. Her encounter with Sean was no more satisfying than her experience with Paddy had been. Indeed, in some ways, it was far worse. It was more painful and much more degrading in its after effects.
Sean did not display the gentleness and consideration which her husband Paddy did. There was little foreplay and no time to waste as far as Sean was concerned, and he employed a mechanical process that he'd reduced to three quick moves before obtaining checkmate. His three moves of seduction included getting Mary undressed, getting it in and getting it off as fast and as roughly as he could!
This illicit nightly stopover provided Mary with more shame than she'd ever felt before. The following day, she had the day off work pretending to be sick. She had plenty of time to think about what had happened and after having had time to dwell on her actions, an avalanche of Catholic guilt descended to curse her foolish infidelity.
When Mary next saw Sean at work, she cornered him later in the morning and indicated she was ending their relationship before it went any farther and destroyed both their lives. Mary told him, “Sorry, Sean, but it's been a ghastly mistake, a ‘one off’ that should never have happened. It won’t be happening again. Sorry.”
To her surprise, Sean seemed extremely relieved at her decision and indicated his agreement, saying that he was sure she was right. In truth, Sean had found his sexual encounter with Mary to be more of an anti-climax than he had envisaged, and even less sexually pleasurable than what he could have achieved in a night of his own company! He believed Mary to be a cold fish out of water with whichever man she found herself in bed; a veritable ice maiden that was hard to turn on and warm towards!
XXXXXXXXXXXx
To her surprise, Sean seemed extremely relieved at her decision and indicated his agreement, saying that he was sure she was right. In truth, Sean had found his sexual encounter with Mary to be more of an anti-climax than he had envisaged, and even less sexually pleasurable than what he could have achieved in a night of his own company! He believed Mary to be a cold fish out of water with whichever man she found herself in bed; a veritable ice maiden that was hard to turn on and warm towards!
XXXXXXXXXXXx
Mary’s unhappy marriage to Paddy continued until the last quarter of 1915, when Paddy packed his case and left her for good. It was the 4th October when Paddy left Mary. While the couple had tried to rub along against any odds of success over the previous year, the situation became untenable for either party to continue their sham of a marriage once it became clear that Mary was pregnant. This pregnant state of his wife told Paddy that she had been unfaithful to their marriage vows and left Mary being unable to deny it, even had she wanted to!
Paradoxically, Mary was only partly shocked to discover that she was with child to another man outside her marriage. Contrary to her predicament, another part of her produced thoughts of anticipated pleasure to come by giving birth to her very own child.
Indeed, Mary even started to wonder if she had unconsciously engineered the situation of her night out with Sean that had led to her subsequent pregnancy. Thinking back upon the occasion, she recalled that prior to having sex with him, she made no attempt to get Sean to use a sheath to avoid becoming pregnant. She'd employed this convenient 'oversight' unconsciously, knowing that while any pregnancy which occurred as a result would not be unwanted by her. Indeed, during the height of his sexual arousal, as he approached ejaculation and the point of no return advanced ever closer, she made no move or spoke no word that would lead to his withdrawal and the spilling of his seed outside her. Instead, she did the very opposite to keep him on board and screamed out pleasurably; thereby keeping his sole attention on her and in her as he came.
Of course, she could not tell Paddy or anyone else for that matter who the father was, and as for Sean; she resolved that he would never learn of the produce of their brief encounter in the Carrick-on Suir cottage.
Mary had decided to bring up their child on her own from day one of learning she was pregnant. She did not need any man to support her or her child. All of her life she had been the prime support to other children and finally, now it would be to her own child whom she would mother!
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Indeed, Mary even started to wonder if she had unconsciously engineered the situation of her night out with Sean that had led to her subsequent pregnancy. Thinking back upon the occasion, she recalled that prior to having sex with him, she made no attempt to get Sean to use a sheath to avoid becoming pregnant. She'd employed this convenient 'oversight' unconsciously, knowing that while any pregnancy which occurred as a result would not be unwanted by her. Indeed, during the height of his sexual arousal, as he approached ejaculation and the point of no return advanced ever closer, she made no move or spoke no word that would lead to his withdrawal and the spilling of his seed outside her. Instead, she did the very opposite to keep him on board and screamed out pleasurably; thereby keeping his sole attention on her and in her as he came.
Of course, she could not tell Paddy or anyone else for that matter who the father was, and as for Sean; she resolved that he would never learn of the produce of their brief encounter in the Carrick-on Suir cottage.
Mary had decided to bring up their child on her own from day one of learning she was pregnant. She did not need any man to support her or her child. All of her life she had been the prime support to other children and finally, now it would be to her own child whom she would mother!
XXXXXXXXXXXX
After finding out about his wife’s unfaithfulness and not wishing to be gossiped about as having been ‘the cuckold husband’, Paddy kept Mary’s sordid secret and simply left her to come up with any required explanations to her Portlaw neighbours and immediate family about his absence.
Mary needed a plausible tale to satisfy the curiosity of her neighbours after her husband Paddy had left their marital home. She told them he'd crossed the Irish Sea to seek work in England, and would send for them in due course after he was established there. In truth, Paddy had left Mary saying that he would never see her again and advising her of the futility of ever pressing him for any financial support to bring up another man’s bastard!
Mary needed a plausible tale to satisfy the curiosity of her neighbours after her husband Paddy had left their marital home. She told them he'd crossed the Irish Sea to seek work in England, and would send for them in due course after he was established there. In truth, Paddy had left Mary saying that he would never see her again and advising her of the futility of ever pressing him for any financial support to bring up another man’s bastard!
Mary quickly formulated her plans almost as soon as her husband Paddy had left her. She told the neighbours that she and the baby would eventually be joining her husband Paddy in England, when the bairn was old enough to travel.
Mary had already decided that she would not be hanging around Portlaw one day longer than she needed to after her child had been born. She didn't intend to give the gossips and ‘holier than thou’ neighbours a stick to beat her with for the rest of her life whenever a falling out was had, should they ever discover her secret. No way did she intend to raise their suspicions or risk them finding out that the child was not her husband’s bairn. She did not intend to ever hear the malicious whisper of another call her innocent child, ‘Bastard!’
A few months after the birth, Mary decided to leave Portlaw; ostensibly, to join her husband in England where they would start afresh. Instead however, she travelled home to Clonmel, where she and her two daughters would stay at the home of her father, step mother and siblings for a while before leaving to make their own way in the world.
