Chapter Nine: ‘Day Nine to Twelve’
During the next three days, Alan hardly spoke between drifting in and out of consciousness. The pain increased so rapidly that he received morphine more often and in greater dosage. During this three-day period, his proposed discharge back home was postponed indefinitely as he was now in too much pain and was fast approaching the end.
The medical staff had arrived at the conclusion that his wife was in poor health herself and was in no physical or mental condition to look after a dying husband during his last few days of life, even with the help of the MacMillan Nurses present. They were concerned that if they left Amanda to cope with Alan's death, she might lose the plot completely and even try to take her own life!
Alan and I spoke much less during his final days of life, although he would try to smile across at me from time to time. We’d had our last conversation a few days earlier. During the final days of Alan’s life, his wife visited twice, and Margaret came every night. Margaret would stay at the side of Alan’s bed until the early morning hours, talking gently to him and holding his hand comfortingly as he drifted between sleep and unconsciousness.
The medical staff had arrived at the conclusion that his wife was in poor health herself and was in no physical or mental condition to look after a dying husband during his last few days of life, even with the help of the MacMillan Nurses present. They were concerned that if they left Amanda to cope with Alan's death, she might lose the plot completely and even try to take her own life!
Alan and I spoke much less during his final days of life, although he would try to smile across at me from time to time. We’d had our last conversation a few days earlier. During the final days of Alan’s life, his wife visited twice, and Margaret came every night. Margaret would stay at the side of Alan’s bed until the early morning hours, talking gently to him and holding his hand comfortingly as he drifted between sleep and unconsciousness.
~~~~~
Two days before Alan died, Margaret stayed behind after visiting hours and sat with Alan until after midnight. When Alan eventually fell asleep, she went to make herself a hot drink from the kitchen and kindly asked me if I’d like one also.
Margaret returned with two teas and sat down at the side of my bed where she could speak to me as well as keeping a constant eye on Alan, should he waken and be in need of something. Margaret had feared that his end would be in the middle of the night when nobody was by his bedside. She couldn’t bear the thought of Alan dying alone and would stay with him way into early morning hours during the final days of his life.
Margaret returned with two teas and sat down at the side of my bed where she could speak to me as well as keeping a constant eye on Alan, should he waken and be in need of something. Margaret had feared that his end would be in the middle of the night when nobody was by his bedside. She couldn’t bear the thought of Alan dying alone and would stay with him way into early morning hours during the final days of his life.
“Alan told me earlier that you and he have spoken a great deal over the past week,” she said.
“He also said that he’d been able to tell you things he’d never told another and that he’d found much relief in his unburdening. I’m so glad he felt able to talk to you, Bill. He is normally withdrawn with strangers. How much, may I ask… how much has he told you about us… about me and him?”
Unsure of what Alan had said to her, I spoke as cautiously as honesty would allow me.
“I know that you and your son Timothy mean the world to him and that without you over the past dozen or more years, life for him would have been infinitely less meaningful,” I replied. “I also know how great a help you’ve been in Alan’s haulage business. He frequently told me that without your support, the business would have gone under during years of recession.”
“He also said that he’d been able to tell you things he’d never told another and that he’d found much relief in his unburdening. I’m so glad he felt able to talk to you, Bill. He is normally withdrawn with strangers. How much, may I ask… how much has he told you about us… about me and him?”
Unsure of what Alan had said to her, I spoke as cautiously as honesty would allow me.
“I know that you and your son Timothy mean the world to him and that without you over the past dozen or more years, life for him would have been infinitely less meaningful,” I replied. “I also know how great a help you’ve been in Alan’s haulage business. He frequently told me that without your support, the business would have gone under during years of recession.”
“Surely, he told you… you must know that…that we love each other, Bill?” she asked. “Did he tell you that we’d planned to live together before he found out about his terminal condition!”
“He did tell me that,” I replied. “In fact, although we’ve hardly known each other any length of time, it’s as if he needed to tell someone else; even a stranger like me. I suspect that one of his greatest regrets is that he never could tell the rest of the world how much he loves you. He’s told me often enough in the brief time we’ve known each other. It’s like he wants to shout it out, and would, if it didn’t hurt his wife!”
“I’m so pleased that you felt able to offer him your ear, Bill, and be there for him when I wasn’t and needed to be at work keeping stock rolling and business coming in to pay the driver’s wages. Thank you so much. Your kindness means so much to me… to both of us.”
“It was nothing…” I replied modestly, before asking, “Is it Margaret or Maggie? What do you prefer to be called?”
“Either,” she replied, adding, “I’ve been called all sorts in my time!”
“He did tell me that,” I replied. “In fact, although we’ve hardly known each other any length of time, it’s as if he needed to tell someone else; even a stranger like me. I suspect that one of his greatest regrets is that he never could tell the rest of the world how much he loves you. He’s told me often enough in the brief time we’ve known each other. It’s like he wants to shout it out, and would, if it didn’t hurt his wife!”
“I’m so pleased that you felt able to offer him your ear, Bill, and be there for him when I wasn’t and needed to be at work keeping stock rolling and business coming in to pay the driver’s wages. Thank you so much. Your kindness means so much to me… to both of us.”
“It was nothing…” I replied modestly, before asking, “Is it Margaret or Maggie? What do you prefer to be called?”
“Either,” she replied, adding, “I’ve been called all sorts in my time!”
During our chat, I found Margaret to be precisely as Alan had described her; gentle in mannerism, sensitive and considerate in her approach to all personal matters, and candid in her honest expression.
I imagined how attractive she must have looked 14 years earlier when Alan had first met her, and I could see how easy it would be today for any man wanting a partner under 40 years old to fall in love with, as she was a good catch for any man!
Although Alan was now in his early 50s, and fourteen years older than Margaret, she indicated that it had been his age that had initially attracted her towards him as much as anything else.
“I don’t know what it is precisely, Bill, but I've always felt safe and protected with Alan there in the background,” she said.
I imagined how attractive she must have looked 14 years earlier when Alan had first met her, and I could see how easy it would be today for any man wanting a partner under 40 years old to fall in love with, as she was a good catch for any man!
Although Alan was now in his early 50s, and fourteen years older than Margaret, she indicated that it had been his age that had initially attracted her towards him as much as anything else.
“I don’t know what it is precisely, Bill, but I've always felt safe and protected with Alan there in the background,” she said.
We spoke a few hours that night and thankfully, Alan, got some much-needed sleep. Margaret spoke about Ireland. Her tone held a warmth that was tinged with a touch of sadness whenever she mentioned the land of her birth and particularly Portlaw, the village where she was born and grew up. She spoke lovingly of the road she'd travel as she approached the village and said her memory would never erase that journey. Maggie also told me that her family still resided there, except for three of her six sisters who were now spread around the globe.
Whenever Margaret mentioned her family, every breath from her mouth was wrapped in words of affection, revealing how much she’d missed them. She indicated that she’d only been back home once since she’d left.
“Has Alan… did he say how Timothy came to be born… in what circumstances he was conceived?” Margaret asked cautiously.
Not wishing to tell an untruth because of any embarrassment my knowledge of such highly personal details might cause her, I simply nodded that he had.
Whenever Margaret mentioned her family, every breath from her mouth was wrapped in words of affection, revealing how much she’d missed them. She indicated that she’d only been back home once since she’d left.
“Has Alan… did he say how Timothy came to be born… in what circumstances he was conceived?” Margaret asked cautiously.
Not wishing to tell an untruth because of any embarrassment my knowledge of such highly personal details might cause her, I simply nodded that he had.
“Well… during my last trip back home I came across Jerry Swales again, but he didn’t recognise me. I’d put on a few pounds in weight and had changed my hair colour since the last time he’d seen me."
"It was a great shock when I saw him again, hobbling across the Square. He’d been in a very bad accident a few years earlier and now limped badly. I hardly recognised him. He had a support around his neck. His hands were cruelly twisted and dangled loosely from his side, as though he suffered from Cerebral Palsy. They moved in the most ungainly fashion imaginable in pursuit of his fragile body. His eyes carried a haunting look. I tried to find out the cause of his injuries, but nobody in Portlaw could enlighten me as to what had happened to him. Seemingly, he’d always refused to say anything that threw any light on the matter, other than he’d been heartlessly attacked one night, robbed, and left for dead on the Waterford Road after his car had skidded and run into a ditch.”
"It was a great shock when I saw him again, hobbling across the Square. He’d been in a very bad accident a few years earlier and now limped badly. I hardly recognised him. He had a support around his neck. His hands were cruelly twisted and dangled loosely from his side, as though he suffered from Cerebral Palsy. They moved in the most ungainly fashion imaginable in pursuit of his fragile body. His eyes carried a haunting look. I tried to find out the cause of his injuries, but nobody in Portlaw could enlighten me as to what had happened to him. Seemingly, he’d always refused to say anything that threw any light on the matter, other than he’d been heartlessly attacked one night, robbed, and left for dead on the Waterford Road after his car had skidded and run into a ditch.”
After a minute’s pause Margaret said uncharacteristically, “Despite his injuries, and regardless of what he’d done to me, I couldn’t help but pity him to see him walk in such painful motion. He couldn't even use normal crutches to support his weight as he didn't have the strength in his hands to hold on. He needed a special crutch designing that wrapped around both arm and hand for support."
"Don’t get me wrong, Bill, he deserved everything he got. Someone may have taken away his normal mobility and left him a cripple, but he robbed me of my peace of mind. He raped me, and it was over three years after it happened before I started to feel like a woman again!Why should I weep about him ever having to feel less of a man now?”
Recall of her ordeal at the hands of Jerry Swales brought Margaret to tears. I gently placed my hand on top of hers as a gesture of comfort while she silently wept.
As she spoke about the extensive injuries of Jerry Swales, it was apparent that Alan had never told her about the revenge he’d arranged on her behalf, and that he’d been the one responsible for the plight of the Squire’s son today!
Margaret, started to confide in me that night, very much as Alan had done during previous nights of our discussions.
“I would never have come across to England, Bill, had it not been what Swales did to me. Oh, I did miss old Portlaw for the first two years I was over here in West Yorkshire, and if it hadn’t been for having my son Timothy to look after and my job with the haulage firm, I don’t know what I’d have done!”
As she spoke about the extensive injuries of Jerry Swales, it was apparent that Alan had never told her about the revenge he’d arranged on her behalf, and that he’d been the one responsible for the plight of the Squire’s son today!
Margaret, started to confide in me that night, very much as Alan had done during previous nights of our discussions.
“I would never have come across to England, Bill, had it not been what Swales did to me. Oh, I did miss old Portlaw for the first two years I was over here in West Yorkshire, and if it hadn’t been for having my son Timothy to look after and my job with the haulage firm, I don’t know what I’d have done!”
“And how is your family now?” I asked.
“Mammy died three years ago and da’ never worked again after mammy became ill one year before she passed away. My three youngest sisters, Trudy, May and Bridie remain single and are still living at home with da’. They manage to hold down jobs and look after da’ and the house between them. The remaining sisters, including myself, send money home to help out whenever we can.”
Maggie then opened her bag and showed me the last photograph she carried of her parents and three of her younger sisters.
"That's one of the few snaps I've got of Mammy where she's smiling, Bill", Maggie said as she proudly showed me the photograph.
I wanted to satisfy my curiosity that Margaret had no inkling of the part that Alan had played in the eventual downfall of her rapist. I asked, “Do you think he was foolish enough to wrong another woman, and that someone finally caught up with him and took their revenge?”
“Who…the Squire’s son?” she asked. When she uttered the words ‘Squire’s son’, she spat out her pronounced emphasis on the letters ‘s’ as though she was describing a piece of dog shit which had attached itself to the sole of her shoe.
After a moment’s consideration she replied, “I don’t know, Bill, but one way or another, he hasn’t escaped his karma.”
“Mammy died three years ago and da’ never worked again after mammy became ill one year before she passed away. My three youngest sisters, Trudy, May and Bridie remain single and are still living at home with da’. They manage to hold down jobs and look after da’ and the house between them. The remaining sisters, including myself, send money home to help out whenever we can.”
Maggie then opened her bag and showed me the last photograph she carried of her parents and three of her younger sisters.
"That's one of the few snaps I've got of Mammy where she's smiling, Bill", Maggie said as she proudly showed me the photograph.
I wanted to satisfy my curiosity that Margaret had no inkling of the part that Alan had played in the eventual downfall of her rapist. I asked, “Do you think he was foolish enough to wrong another woman, and that someone finally caught up with him and took their revenge?”
“Who…the Squire’s son?” she asked. When she uttered the words ‘Squire’s son’, she spat out her pronounced emphasis on the letters ‘s’ as though she was describing a piece of dog shit which had attached itself to the sole of her shoe.
After a moment’s consideration she replied, “I don’t know, Bill, but one way or another, he hasn’t escaped his karma.”
