Chapter Eight : 'The Aylesbury Pilgrimage'
When Sean arrived in Aylesbury, he found himself pleasantly surprised by the red-bricked buildings of the town centre, especially the architecture of the elaborate pillars and sheer number of windows on the edifices of magnificent buildings that let in the light.
Since having been a builder's labourer, Sean had been keen to advance himself as he loved the outdoor work. He found himself not only learning about bricklaying itself, but he also quickly developed an interest in the architecture of the buildings that commanded pride of place in all towns and cities.
Sean found a nice boarding house to lodge in and within three days, he'd managed to get himself a job on a building site. He described himself to having the skills of a brickie, but without the necessary papers to match.
"So long as you can do the job and lay me six rows of brick in a shift, you've got the job on a fortnight's trial," the site foreman told him.
Sean took the job willingly, knowing full well that he now possessed the skills to lay a true row of bricks. He also remained convinced that what speed he didn't currently possess, he would soon have after a few hours of picking up a trowel again.
Since having been a builder's labourer, Sean had been keen to advance himself as he loved the outdoor work. He found himself not only learning about bricklaying itself, but he also quickly developed an interest in the architecture of the buildings that commanded pride of place in all towns and cities.
Sean found a nice boarding house to lodge in and within three days, he'd managed to get himself a job on a building site. He described himself to having the skills of a brickie, but without the necessary papers to match.
"So long as you can do the job and lay me six rows of brick in a shift, you've got the job on a fortnight's trial," the site foreman told him.
Sean took the job willingly, knowing full well that he now possessed the skills to lay a true row of bricks. He also remained convinced that what speed he didn't currently possess, he would soon have after a few hours of picking up a trowel again.
Sean's lodgings were situated close to the market square. The lodgings were run by a rather attractive blonde-haired woman of divorced status, whom despite being in her mid-30s and a good dozen years older than Sean, nevertheless had the capacity to turn him on; him having gone four years inside without the satisfaction of any female contact apart from what he could manufacture in his mind.
During his second week in the lodgings, he was going into the breakfast room one morning as he passed Geraldine Peach on the staircase. She was examining a loose rail, which one of the other boarders had informed her of. As she crouched down in a somewhat demure manner that avoided any surprised 'money shots' being given, Sean couldn't prevent his body's involuntary response as he looked back up towards her.
Geraldine had four boarders, a bank clerk aged in his 40s, a travelling salesman in his 50s and an electrician in his early 40s who was so proud of his four young children that he was forever showing all the other boarders their photographs and keeping them abreast of their social development, whether or not they wanted keeping abreast! The family-orientated electrician was working on a two-month contract in Aylesbury and returned home at every weekend to his wife and children. Breakfast every Monday morning would involve the other guests receiving a full account of the electrician's family's weekend just spent.
Sean soon settled down to his work as a bricklayer and the wages were good enough to pay his board, dress well and still have some over for entertainment and travel purposes. He had already visited the Stoke Mandeville Hospital during his first week in Aylesbury, but without success. He quickly learned that if Maxine had been there, there was no way that they'd pass those medical confidential details on, with him being a non-family member. It looked like he'd drawn a blank.
During his second week in the lodgings, he was going into the breakfast room one morning as he passed Geraldine Peach on the staircase. She was examining a loose rail, which one of the other boarders had informed her of. As she crouched down in a somewhat demure manner that avoided any surprised 'money shots' being given, Sean couldn't prevent his body's involuntary response as he looked back up towards her.
Geraldine had four boarders, a bank clerk aged in his 40s, a travelling salesman in his 50s and an electrician in his early 40s who was so proud of his four young children that he was forever showing all the other boarders their photographs and keeping them abreast of their social development, whether or not they wanted keeping abreast! The family-orientated electrician was working on a two-month contract in Aylesbury and returned home at every weekend to his wife and children. Breakfast every Monday morning would involve the other guests receiving a full account of the electrician's family's weekend just spent.
Sean soon settled down to his work as a bricklayer and the wages were good enough to pay his board, dress well and still have some over for entertainment and travel purposes. He had already visited the Stoke Mandeville Hospital during his first week in Aylesbury, but without success. He quickly learned that if Maxine had been there, there was no way that they'd pass those medical confidential details on, with him being a non-family member. It looked like he'd drawn a blank.
Three months after having arrived in Aylesbury, Sean found himself settling down to life on the outside of prison walls. He was determined that he would never find himself back inside again. He was on a licence for twelve months, during which he was obliged to maintain contact with his Probation Officer, first on a once-weekly basis and then after a month, once a fortnight. His employer knew that Sean was the subject to a short parole licence as it was part of the licence conditions that the Probation Officer maintain contact with the licensee's employer. Fortunately, Sean's employer didn't seem to mind about hiring an ex-con as long as Sean could lay the required amount of daily bricks and not delay the 18-month building-complex contract being completed on time.
Sean was getting to like Aylesbury more with the passing of each week. Over the past two weeks, Geraldine had made two visits to call upon him in his bedroom. While purporting to be perfectly innocent visits, it was apparent to this strapping young virile man that they were nothing more substantial than excuses and that the landlady fancied him! Strangely, he hadn't thought of Maxine for the past month and while the landlady's overtures might have been politely ignored by him under more normal circumstances, once he overheard one of her conversations with one of the other guests one evening in the dining room, getting to know Geraldine better seemed more appealing to him than ever before.
"Yes......... you see, I used to work there as a ward nurse before I married my ex-husband and he decided to open this establishment. Naturally, I had to give up my nursing to help out here. I'll tell you though, despite the hard work involved and the heartbreak of seeing a young lad without legs try to walk again, when they eventually do manage to take those first few steps on their own, it's worth every moment of one's efforts and is far more rewarding than making beds, frying sausages and God only knows what else, for a living!" she told the bank clerk.
Two days later, Sean had the opportunity to catch Geraldine before he went off to work in his brickie's clothes. As he passed her in the hall on the way out, he stopped and said, "Forgive me if I seem too forward, but.......I was wondering......"
"Yes, Mr. Fanning, and what were you wondering.... I wonder?" she replied teasingly.
"I go out for a drink every Friday night and sometimes I go on to either a dance hall or a club. Would you........do you fancy coming with me? You deserve a night off lass," he asked.
"I'd like that, Sean," said Geraldine smilingly, before adding, "So long as you don't get me drunk. I don't drink much these days you know, and it would only take a few to make me forget that I'm a lady."
"Tomorrow night it is then, Mrs......."
"Call me Geraldine, Sean. Call me Geraldine," she said softly. "It's nice, I must confess to be called by my Christian name by a good-looking chap after ........well, let's say after too long a period. I'll look forward to seeing you tomorrow night then, Sean."
Sean was getting to like Aylesbury more with the passing of each week. Over the past two weeks, Geraldine had made two visits to call upon him in his bedroom. While purporting to be perfectly innocent visits, it was apparent to this strapping young virile man that they were nothing more substantial than excuses and that the landlady fancied him! Strangely, he hadn't thought of Maxine for the past month and while the landlady's overtures might have been politely ignored by him under more normal circumstances, once he overheard one of her conversations with one of the other guests one evening in the dining room, getting to know Geraldine better seemed more appealing to him than ever before.
"Yes......... you see, I used to work there as a ward nurse before I married my ex-husband and he decided to open this establishment. Naturally, I had to give up my nursing to help out here. I'll tell you though, despite the hard work involved and the heartbreak of seeing a young lad without legs try to walk again, when they eventually do manage to take those first few steps on their own, it's worth every moment of one's efforts and is far more rewarding than making beds, frying sausages and God only knows what else, for a living!" she told the bank clerk.
Two days later, Sean had the opportunity to catch Geraldine before he went off to work in his brickie's clothes. As he passed her in the hall on the way out, he stopped and said, "Forgive me if I seem too forward, but.......I was wondering......"
"Yes, Mr. Fanning, and what were you wondering.... I wonder?" she replied teasingly.
"I go out for a drink every Friday night and sometimes I go on to either a dance hall or a club. Would you........do you fancy coming with me? You deserve a night off lass," he asked.
"I'd like that, Sean," said Geraldine smilingly, before adding, "So long as you don't get me drunk. I don't drink much these days you know, and it would only take a few to make me forget that I'm a lady."
"Tomorrow night it is then, Mrs......."
"Call me Geraldine, Sean. Call me Geraldine," she said softly. "It's nice, I must confess to be called by my Christian name by a good-looking chap after ........well, let's say after too long a period. I'll look forward to seeing you tomorrow night then, Sean."
That Friday night, Sean and Geraldine went for a number of drinks at an up-market pub off the market place. Sean initially wanted information out of Geraldine, but as soon as he saw her dressed up to the nines, he wanted much, much more; as did she also!
For three hours they talked and talked in the pub and the time passed quickly. They eventually decided not to go on to a dance or night club as they could spend the rest of the night more productively back at the boarding house. It was 11.15 pm when the couple arrived back at the boarding house. Geraldine was clearly tipsy as she fumbled to insert the Yale key in the door lock, before handing it to Sean to open. Once inside, Geraldine and Sean went into the downstairs quarters that Geraldine lived in.
Geraldine then went into the bathroom, which was in the process of being renovated with a new suite, slipped off her dress and returned to her bedroom dressed only in bras and panties. For that moment, Sean forgot about every other woman who'd ever entered his life as he quickly unclothed and joined Geraldine on the bed. She was smiling coyly and she anticipated the pleasure to come as she saw his manhood descend on her awaiting body and minutes later enter it.
Because neither of them had made love in the past four years, they each exhibited a raw hunger for the satisfaction to be hard and fast. Geraldine let out a pleasure shrill accompanied by a four letter expletive that must have been heard by the other boarders upstairs on the higher floor, and Sean was so frantic in his love making that it was over mere minutes after having started.
The couple never spoke after the act, but instead fell fast asleep in each other's arms. Sean had forgotten the taste of a woman's searching mouth, the smell of woman sleeping alongside him and the distinctive scent of a woman's powder, perfume and the musky body odour that lingers after having had sex. When he awoke the next morning, he was alone. It was Saturday and Geraldine had been up two hours preparing the breakfast for her three lodgers; the electrician having gone home for the weekend to be with his wife and children.
For three hours they talked and talked in the pub and the time passed quickly. They eventually decided not to go on to a dance or night club as they could spend the rest of the night more productively back at the boarding house. It was 11.15 pm when the couple arrived back at the boarding house. Geraldine was clearly tipsy as she fumbled to insert the Yale key in the door lock, before handing it to Sean to open. Once inside, Geraldine and Sean went into the downstairs quarters that Geraldine lived in.
Geraldine then went into the bathroom, which was in the process of being renovated with a new suite, slipped off her dress and returned to her bedroom dressed only in bras and panties. For that moment, Sean forgot about every other woman who'd ever entered his life as he quickly unclothed and joined Geraldine on the bed. She was smiling coyly and she anticipated the pleasure to come as she saw his manhood descend on her awaiting body and minutes later enter it.
Because neither of them had made love in the past four years, they each exhibited a raw hunger for the satisfaction to be hard and fast. Geraldine let out a pleasure shrill accompanied by a four letter expletive that must have been heard by the other boarders upstairs on the higher floor, and Sean was so frantic in his love making that it was over mere minutes after having started.
The couple never spoke after the act, but instead fell fast asleep in each other's arms. Sean had forgotten the taste of a woman's searching mouth, the smell of woman sleeping alongside him and the distinctive scent of a woman's powder, perfume and the musky body odour that lingers after having had sex. When he awoke the next morning, he was alone. It was Saturday and Geraldine had been up two hours preparing the breakfast for her three lodgers; the electrician having gone home for the weekend to be with his wife and children.
When Geraldine had served the other two lodgers their Saturday morning breakfast, she returned to the bedroom to re-join Sean. Sean was in the bathroom as Geraldine re-entered the room. One minute he was showering in a bathroom filled with steam and as he dried himself off and re-entered the bedroom, he saw Geraldine perched on the top of the bed. The French maid's costume and white stockings she was wearing made his eyes steam up some more and he quickly found himself wanting much more than the bacon sarnie and the two rounds of toast she'd placed on the bedside cabinet.
Five minutes later the couple were making love again. This time it was without the fuel of alcohol or the haste of sexual frustration. This time the love making session, although highly passionate, lasted twenty minutes. The rocket had been duly fired up good and proper before blast off and this time, both passengers had boarded for the long ride home!
"That was........ that was bloody good, Sean," Geraldine said as she moved to kiss him. Her kiss was long and deep and Sean could recall thinking as their tongues exchanged touch of their inner sanctums that had he been in bed with the deadliest viper on the planet, he would have willingly given up his life there and then.
Their sexual appetites were insatiable. Having been sexually starved for over four years, they now consumed their passions like gluttons having repeat helpings. They made love another twice that day and didn't leave the bedroom until early afternoon. The two other lodgers were out and fortunately, they didn't require Geraldine. As for the telephone calls, she just allowed it to ring without answer.
"I hope you appreciate that I'm turning down good business laid here in bed with you!" she jokingly told Sean.
"We'd better be up then, lass!" he replied as he jumped out of bed naked.
Five minutes later the couple were making love again. This time it was without the fuel of alcohol or the haste of sexual frustration. This time the love making session, although highly passionate, lasted twenty minutes. The rocket had been duly fired up good and proper before blast off and this time, both passengers had boarded for the long ride home!
"That was........ that was bloody good, Sean," Geraldine said as she moved to kiss him. Her kiss was long and deep and Sean could recall thinking as their tongues exchanged touch of their inner sanctums that had he been in bed with the deadliest viper on the planet, he would have willingly given up his life there and then.
Their sexual appetites were insatiable. Having been sexually starved for over four years, they now consumed their passions like gluttons having repeat helpings. They made love another twice that day and didn't leave the bedroom until early afternoon. The two other lodgers were out and fortunately, they didn't require Geraldine. As for the telephone calls, she just allowed it to ring without answer.
"I hope you appreciate that I'm turning down good business laid here in bed with you!" she jokingly told Sean.
"We'd better be up then, lass!" he replied as he jumped out of bed naked.
Geraldine looked upon his youthful body with immense want and satisfaction. It was the type of smugness that only comes with the feelings of a magnificent conquest having been achieved by pulling such a good looking chap. Geraldine may have been slightly smug, but she wasn't green. She hadn't kidded herself for one minute about the temporary nature of their relationship. She had enjoyed their sexual romp and had never bargained for it being any more than that. She realised that the age gap alone, meant that it was a sexual encounter for both of them, no more or less than that. She knew it was merely a stopgap measure that they would both use and enjoy while it lasted; a strictly time-limited relationship that would undoubtedly end after the initial passion and sexual pleasure had burnt itself out.
That afternoon, Sean and Geraldine went walking in Aylesbury. They sat at a cafe and talked and then walked and talked before having another sit down chat. She spoke at length about her previous time as a nurse inside Stoke Mandeville and Sean came clean with all the details related to the past years since he'd left his home in Portlaw, Waterford. He told her about his love for Sarah and then his move to Salford and his relationship with Maxine. He even told Geraldine about his prison sentence without mentioning that he hadn't been the one to administer the morphine dose that killed Maxine's mother and, he rounded this confessional off by revealing his father's betrayal with his mother's best friend.
In a strange sort of way, he and Geraldine had been too intimate to now start withholding anything from the other. Indeed, it was incongruity itself to have given so much of oneself to a relative stranger, only now to feel too personal to reveal anything else of oneself. Once a couple has shared the same bathroom and loo facilities together, it is then too late in the day to fear sharing other intimacies. Geraldine seemed very happy to have broken the ice again in her relationships with men and repaid Sean with some information that might help him find out something more about Maxine.
Geraldine hadn't worked at Stoke Mandaville for a good number of years now, but had one psychiatric contact there who would have access to the details Sean wanted to know.
"And why should he help you and risk losing his job if discovered?" Sean asked.
"Because he owes me, big time!" Geraldine replied.
Without going into too much of the finer details, Geraldine informed Sean that someone who had trained there and who now practiced there as a limb specialist, once had the hots for her and, not to put too fine a point on it, had tried it on with her at a Christmas Party before she got married. The man in question wouldn't stop his advances until she slapped him hard and threatened to scream the place down when he unzipped his trousers and exposed himself. Geraldine was of the view that he might help her 'for old time's sake.'
"Are you sure that you wouldn't mind approaching this source?" Sean asked.
"I don't see why not," Geraldine replied, "He can only say no at his worst, can't he?"
In a strange sort of way, he and Geraldine had been too intimate to now start withholding anything from the other. Indeed, it was incongruity itself to have given so much of oneself to a relative stranger, only now to feel too personal to reveal anything else of oneself. Once a couple has shared the same bathroom and loo facilities together, it is then too late in the day to fear sharing other intimacies. Geraldine seemed very happy to have broken the ice again in her relationships with men and repaid Sean with some information that might help him find out something more about Maxine.
Geraldine hadn't worked at Stoke Mandaville for a good number of years now, but had one psychiatric contact there who would have access to the details Sean wanted to know.
"And why should he help you and risk losing his job if discovered?" Sean asked.
"Because he owes me, big time!" Geraldine replied.
Without going into too much of the finer details, Geraldine informed Sean that someone who had trained there and who now practiced there as a limb specialist, once had the hots for her and, not to put too fine a point on it, had tried it on with her at a Christmas Party before she got married. The man in question wouldn't stop his advances until she slapped him hard and threatened to scream the place down when he unzipped his trousers and exposed himself. Geraldine was of the view that he might help her 'for old time's sake.'
"Are you sure that you wouldn't mind approaching this source?" Sean asked.
"I don't see why not," Geraldine replied, "He can only say no at his worst, can't he?"
One week later, Geraldine remained true to her word and approached her old hospital contact. Initially he didn't want to entertain the idea until Geraldine suggested, "All I want is confirmation that a Maxine Cheevers had or didn't have an operation here to fit her with a walking prosthesis within the past six years! Surely you can manage to get me that small piece of information. I'm not asking you to break into Fort Knox, steal the Crown Jewels or reveal the secrets of Nasa's space programme. I just need this small piece of confirmation! "
The doctor eventually agreed and phoned up Geraldine three days later to provide her with the result of his inquiries. He also provided her with additional information to that which she'd asked for. As soon as Geraldine got this news, she knew that Sean would appreciate having it as soon as possible, so she went to visit him at his working site to tell him. Sean was off site when she arrived, so she left a brief message with one of the other workers to give him on his return. The message was a brief note that said, 'I found out from Stoke. Will tell you tonight!'
When Sean got the message from Geraldine on his return, he stated that he had a bad tummy bug and went home early. It was barely 3 o'clock as he entered the boarding house to learn Geraldine's news. He felt apprehensive and made his way into Geraldine's part of the house.
"I'll make a cup of tea, Sean, as I've a feeling you might need it. Here, sit down here, love," Geraldine said as soon as she saw him enter.
The doctor eventually agreed and phoned up Geraldine three days later to provide her with the result of his inquiries. He also provided her with additional information to that which she'd asked for. As soon as Geraldine got this news, she knew that Sean would appreciate having it as soon as possible, so she went to visit him at his working site to tell him. Sean was off site when she arrived, so she left a brief message with one of the other workers to give him on his return. The message was a brief note that said, 'I found out from Stoke. Will tell you tonight!'
When Sean got the message from Geraldine on his return, he stated that he had a bad tummy bug and went home early. It was barely 3 o'clock as he entered the boarding house to learn Geraldine's news. He felt apprehensive and made his way into Geraldine's part of the house.
"I'll make a cup of tea, Sean, as I've a feeling you might need it. Here, sit down here, love," Geraldine said as soon as she saw him enter.
The following half hour was hard for Sean to hear and take in; as hard as it was for Geraldine to reveal what she'd learned from her hospital contact. After listening to what Geraldine reported back, he just sat there silent for about five minutes before speaking again.
"I'm afraid it's bad news, Sean," Geraldine had told him in a voice filled with genuine compassion.
"Tell me," Sean pleaded. "However bad the news I'd rather hear it than not know. Not knowing is killing me!"
"Maxine did attend Stokes Hospital after she'd come to Aylesbury, but she never got her prosthesis," Geraldine said. "I'm afraid she...... she died in theatre................."
Sean broke into instant tears, but before Geraldine could allow him to weep freely, she needed to tell him more.
"That's not all, Sean. Maxine didn't die on the operating table getting a new prosthesis fitted. She..... she....died in childbirth, six months after you were initially remanded in Armley Prison and awaiting sentence. It would seem that there were complications with the early delivery and she died through heavy loss of blood and haemorrhaging."
Sean wept loudly, "Oh dear God. Why........why her? And here was I thinking she'd abandoned me! Dear God, poor, sweet Maxine!"
"There was no obligation or reason for them to contact you, Sean," Geraldine reminded him.
"But..... but the babe! What about the child? Surely I had a right to know.... to be told!"
"Why should they tell you, Sean?" Geraldine asked him. "There's nothing to say that they knew you even existed; nothing to say that you were the child's father. We don't know whether Maxine was conscious at the point of theatre entry or indeed was aware of anything going on around her!"
"I'm afraid it's bad news, Sean," Geraldine had told him in a voice filled with genuine compassion.
"Tell me," Sean pleaded. "However bad the news I'd rather hear it than not know. Not knowing is killing me!"
"Maxine did attend Stokes Hospital after she'd come to Aylesbury, but she never got her prosthesis," Geraldine said. "I'm afraid she...... she died in theatre................."
Sean broke into instant tears, but before Geraldine could allow him to weep freely, she needed to tell him more.
"That's not all, Sean. Maxine didn't die on the operating table getting a new prosthesis fitted. She..... she....died in childbirth, six months after you were initially remanded in Armley Prison and awaiting sentence. It would seem that there were complications with the early delivery and she died through heavy loss of blood and haemorrhaging."
Sean wept loudly, "Oh dear God. Why........why her? And here was I thinking she'd abandoned me! Dear God, poor, sweet Maxine!"
"There was no obligation or reason for them to contact you, Sean," Geraldine reminded him.
"But..... but the babe! What about the child? Surely I had a right to know.... to be told!"
"Why should they tell you, Sean?" Geraldine asked him. "There's nothing to say that they knew you even existed; nothing to say that you were the child's father. We don't know whether Maxine was conscious at the point of theatre entry or indeed was aware of anything going on around her!"
The more Sean thought about it, the more he realised that Geraldine was right in what she said. Then his mind returned to the child. "Was..............did the child also die?" he asked.
"That I don't know. My contact was unable to risk trying to get that information," Geraldine said.
Sean couldn't get the image of sweet, gentle Maxine out of his head during her last moments prior to her death. He envisaged the pain she must have had to endure, all on her own. He felt so tired playing such heart-breaking images in his mind that he felt like collapsing into a deep sleep. Finally, he was able to give himself some satisfaction that Maxine was no longer in pain and would never have to know or endure pain ever again.
"That I don't know. My contact was unable to risk trying to get that information," Geraldine said.
Sean couldn't get the image of sweet, gentle Maxine out of his head during her last moments prior to her death. He envisaged the pain she must have had to endure, all on her own. He felt so tired playing such heart-breaking images in his mind that he felt like collapsing into a deep sleep. Finally, he was able to give himself some satisfaction that Maxine was no longer in pain and would never have to know or endure pain ever again.
Sean retired to bed for the rest of that afternoon. Geraldine persuaded him to stay in her room and said she'd come back when she'd made the other lodgers their evening meal. Sean was unable to sleep and he continued to silently mourn his loss of Maxine and the child; their child. He had truly loved Maxine and knew that they would most certainly have married, had the business with her mother not happened.
Sean was exhausted with grief and it was nearly midnight when he woke up. Geraldine had allowed him to sleep on and had even given him the emotional space he needed by choosing to bed down on the settee instead of getting back into bed with him.
For a brief moment, Sean silently cursed Sybil Cheevers for not having died before he and Maxine had ever met. He cursed her for selfishly having begged her daughter to criminally assist her end her life and he damned her eternal soul for having produced enough guilt for her beloved daughter to experience a breakdown! Who's to say that Maxine would have died had she been allowed to carry their child the full nine months with Sean at her side, offering his support each step of the way as any partner and husband-to-be would naturally do? How many lives had to be wrecked?......... how many other lives needed to be lost....just to end the one life of an old woman who couldn't do the selfless deed of simply hanging on for a few more weeks and dying naturally in bit more pain? It wasn't fair. It made no sense!
At least Maxine had left all pain remaining in this life behind her and like a phoenix rising from the ashes, she'd never find herself in pain ever again. This was the only comforting thought that Sean could bring to his tortured mind.
Sean was exhausted with grief and it was nearly midnight when he woke up. Geraldine had allowed him to sleep on and had even given him the emotional space he needed by choosing to bed down on the settee instead of getting back into bed with him.
For a brief moment, Sean silently cursed Sybil Cheevers for not having died before he and Maxine had ever met. He cursed her for selfishly having begged her daughter to criminally assist her end her life and he damned her eternal soul for having produced enough guilt for her beloved daughter to experience a breakdown! Who's to say that Maxine would have died had she been allowed to carry their child the full nine months with Sean at her side, offering his support each step of the way as any partner and husband-to-be would naturally do? How many lives had to be wrecked?......... how many other lives needed to be lost....just to end the one life of an old woman who couldn't do the selfless deed of simply hanging on for a few more weeks and dying naturally in bit more pain? It wasn't fair. It made no sense!
At least Maxine had left all pain remaining in this life behind her and like a phoenix rising from the ashes, she'd never find herself in pain ever again. This was the only comforting thought that Sean could bring to his tortured mind.
The next morning when Geraldine woke at around 7.30 am, her first thought was to look towards the bed where Sean lay. The bed was empty and on its pillow was a brief note. The note said, 'Sorry' on the front and provided a brief explanation inside. Geraldine read:
"Dearest Geraldine,
Forgive me for seeming to run out on you after all that you have done for me since I came to Alyesbury, but I need to be on my own. I need to get my head around these latest revelations about Maxine and there are too many beautiful distractions here with you for me ever to do that. I.......I did....I do hold love for you lass, and at a different time and place, we could no doubt have had something good together. But I think you've always known it was never quite the same for me with you as it had been with Maxine, and Sarah before her. I never lied to you and I hope you don't feel badly done by me as I never meant to 'use' you as some kind of brief stopover. I'm saying this and I hope it isn't coming out all wrong, Geraldine. I'm sorry to leave like this and I hope you understand. All the very best for the future. You deserve happiness, lass and I sincerely hope you find it one day soon along with a good man suited to you.
Deepest affection, Sean x"
"Dearest Geraldine,
Forgive me for seeming to run out on you after all that you have done for me since I came to Alyesbury, but I need to be on my own. I need to get my head around these latest revelations about Maxine and there are too many beautiful distractions here with you for me ever to do that. I.......I did....I do hold love for you lass, and at a different time and place, we could no doubt have had something good together. But I think you've always known it was never quite the same for me with you as it had been with Maxine, and Sarah before her. I never lied to you and I hope you don't feel badly done by me as I never meant to 'use' you as some kind of brief stopover. I'm saying this and I hope it isn't coming out all wrong, Geraldine. I'm sorry to leave like this and I hope you understand. All the very best for the future. You deserve happiness, lass and I sincerely hope you find it one day soon along with a good man suited to you.
Deepest affection, Sean x"
Upon reading Sean's note, Geraldine started to cry silent tears. She didn't feel 'used' and she perfectly understood what Sean had done and why, now. She didn't feel let down or betrayed by him. As far as she was concerned, she'd never once been lied to by Sean or led into any kind of merry dance; and as for the sex, well that was all it was, sex and good sex at that! The two of them were adults and hopefully, Geraldine thought, friends who could look each other in the eye again without a single blush of embarrassment or hint of shame or guilt should ever they chance to meet once more.
No, despite her feeling like shit at the moment, Sean had reminded her of the fact that she was a woman and a pretty attractive-looking woman at that! It had been nothing less than sheer good fortune that had led them to knowing each other; nothing less than fate that they should become friends and lovers in their time of loneliness and need. Geraldine was wise enough to realise that there is a 'time span' on all relationships between a man and a woman, and their time had unfortunately expired. There was not a thing that Geraldine would have changed apart from the manner of his leaving. She would have preferred it if she could have held him in her arms one final time. Geraldine had always known that this day would come. She'd sensed it coming for a few weeks now and since she'd told Sean that Maxine had died in childbirth, she'd seen it coming in his eyes. She viewed her relationship with Sean as being no more or less than what it had been and knew that it had been meant to happen. It had taught her much about living and feeling again and she was determined to continue looking ahead more positively at the menfolk she would meet in the future.
No, despite her feeling like shit at the moment, Sean had reminded her of the fact that she was a woman and a pretty attractive-looking woman at that! It had been nothing less than sheer good fortune that had led them to knowing each other; nothing less than fate that they should become friends and lovers in their time of loneliness and need. Geraldine was wise enough to realise that there is a 'time span' on all relationships between a man and a woman, and their time had unfortunately expired. There was not a thing that Geraldine would have changed apart from the manner of his leaving. She would have preferred it if she could have held him in her arms one final time. Geraldine had always known that this day would come. She'd sensed it coming for a few weeks now and since she'd told Sean that Maxine had died in childbirth, she'd seen it coming in his eyes. She viewed her relationship with Sean as being no more or less than what it had been and knew that it had been meant to happen. It had taught her much about living and feeling again and she was determined to continue looking ahead more positively at the menfolk she would meet in the future.
By 8.00 am that Sunday morning, Sean was sitting in the waiting room of a bus station in Aylesbury. He had one small suitcase and carried an overcoat across his arms. He didn't know where he intended to go, but he just knew that he needed to go somewhere else. It was time to move on, not particularly from Aylesbury, but from his relationship with Geraldine. It had become too enjoyable, too bloody comfortable and he knew that if he didn't leave it now, something would happen. If he didn't move on now, he knew that she'd get pregnant or something and before he realised it, he'd be committed to her. It wasn't that this would be such a bad thing. It was just that he wasn't sure that Geraldine was the woman......could ever be the woman. But whether she was or wasn't, of one thing he had not the slightest of doubt; now was not the time and place!
After half an hour thinking in the bus station, Sean decided to remain in Aylesbury for the time being and to secure digs on the other side of town where he was unlikely to bump into Geraldine. He liked his job and he had another six months of Probation licence to serve out. He knew that he could move area and simply carry on his community supervision under a new Probation Officer contact, but he didn't want to do this as his new Probation Officer would be obliged to maintain contact with any employer who took him on. He wanted to start in his next destination, without having to reveal to any potential employer his previous conviction and prison sentence.
After half an hour thinking in the bus station, Sean decided to remain in Aylesbury for the time being and to secure digs on the other side of town where he was unlikely to bump into Geraldine. He liked his job and he had another six months of Probation licence to serve out. He knew that he could move area and simply carry on his community supervision under a new Probation Officer contact, but he didn't want to do this as his new Probation Officer would be obliged to maintain contact with any employer who took him on. He wanted to start in his next destination, without having to reveal to any potential employer his previous conviction and prison sentence.
Over the next ten months, Sean lived at the opposite side of Aylesbury from Geraldine's boarding house and he continued to work for the same building contractor. When his period of parole licence had expired, he started planning his next destination. During these ten months, he had seen Geraldine once when he caught a fleeting glimpse of her pass by in a car. She never saw him.
During this period, Sean arranged with his employer to have one day a week training at college in order to acquire his City and Guilds Advanced Certificate for bricklaying. In exchange for having all day Tuesday off site, Sean agreed to work any Saturday he was asked to. It was also during this period that Sean received a brief letter from Geraldine, which had been delivered to his employer. The employer had previously been asked by Sean not to inform Geraldine that he still worked with them were she to inquire. The site foreman said he'd forward the letter on to Sean, who now worked in another part of the country.
The letter informed Sean of the whereabouts of Maxine's grave, along with the fact that her child had lived, but had been received into the care of the Aylesbury Social Services Department within days of its birth. Maxine's hospital contact had kindly supplied her with these details, no doubt hoping that she might feel duty bound to repay him in some way he'd find extremely pleasurable. Sean was also informed that the identity of the child's father had been left blank on the birth certificate. While Sean was pleased to receive this information, the fact that the child had lived initially shocked him and then started to worry him. He now knew that it was a girl who would be around five years old, but didn't know her name or whereabouts.
During this period, Sean arranged with his employer to have one day a week training at college in order to acquire his City and Guilds Advanced Certificate for bricklaying. In exchange for having all day Tuesday off site, Sean agreed to work any Saturday he was asked to. It was also during this period that Sean received a brief letter from Geraldine, which had been delivered to his employer. The employer had previously been asked by Sean not to inform Geraldine that he still worked with them were she to inquire. The site foreman said he'd forward the letter on to Sean, who now worked in another part of the country.
The letter informed Sean of the whereabouts of Maxine's grave, along with the fact that her child had lived, but had been received into the care of the Aylesbury Social Services Department within days of its birth. Maxine's hospital contact had kindly supplied her with these details, no doubt hoping that she might feel duty bound to repay him in some way he'd find extremely pleasurable. Sean was also informed that the identity of the child's father had been left blank on the birth certificate. While Sean was pleased to receive this information, the fact that the child had lived initially shocked him and then started to worry him. He now knew that it was a girl who would be around five years old, but didn't know her name or whereabouts.
While Sean naturally would have loved to have seen Maxine's daughter, he knew enough about the vagaries of the adoption system to understand that he'd have no chance of ever finding out how she was faring until she became of age and indicated a desire herself to trace her birth mother and father. Until then, he'd just have to imagine how his and Maxine's daughter would look. While Sean couldn't possibly know if his daughter carried an angelic face or had a tom-boy look, of one thing he was reasonably certain. With the colour of Maxine's hair being red, her gene colour in his daughter's hair would remain dominant.
That day, before he retired to bed, Sean had made his plan. He would visit Maxine's grave and then he would visit the Social Services Department in Aylesbury to identify himself as being the father of Maxine's baby girl. He wanted his name putting down officially in the records so that he might be one day traced by his daughter after she'd grown up, should she desire to seek out her blood parents.
That day, before he retired to bed, Sean had made his plan. He would visit Maxine's grave and then he would visit the Social Services Department in Aylesbury to identify himself as being the father of Maxine's baby girl. He wanted his name putting down officially in the records so that he might be one day traced by his daughter after she'd grown up, should she desire to seek out her blood parents.
The very next Saturday that Sean had time off from his work, he visited Maxine's grave which was located in a municipal setting in Aylesbury and which was managed by the Town Council.
After ten minutes of looking, Sean found the gravesite. The grave was unattended and the flowers that Sean placed at its head were the only flowers it had seen since the funeral service.
Sean felt much relief after visiting the grave of Maxine. The journey seemed to have afforded him valuable closure on this relationship, or so he thought.
After ten minutes of looking, Sean found the gravesite. The grave was unattended and the flowers that Sean placed at its head were the only flowers it had seen since the funeral service.
Sean felt much relief after visiting the grave of Maxine. The journey seemed to have afforded him valuable closure on this relationship, or so he thought.
Three weeks later, attention was drawn to Sean by his new landlady, a rotund woman by the name of Martha Fox. Martha was aged in her 50s and seemed to be happily married with a fifteen year old boy still living at home. She was a very friendly lady who seemed to take a motherly shine to Sean the first moment she'd laid eyes on him.
One evening, she knocked on his door and handed him the evening newspaper saying, "If that's you, lad, you want to get in touch asap. Even if it's another Sean Fanning, I'd still be getting in touch. There could be some money in it for you!"
Sean took the newspaper from the landlady's hands and read the spot she had ringed with a red biro. It said, 'Will a Sean Fanning, born during 1960 somewhere in Portlaw, County Waterford, Ireland and who knew the late Maxine Cheevers, formerly of Salford, Manchester, please contact solicitors Brown, Salters and Clarey at ..............................'
"Is that you, Sean?" the landlady asked.
"I wish it was!" Sean replied, adding, "I could do with a windfall right now. It wouldn't half help me in my studies."
It wasn't the prospect of any monetary benefit that Sean was wanting to stay quiet about. He just didn't want to engage in any conversation that might reveal his prison record and other highly sensitive details about his background. Sean simply thanked Mrs Fox and closed the door; deliberately retaining the Buck's Herald beneath his arm.
One evening, she knocked on his door and handed him the evening newspaper saying, "If that's you, lad, you want to get in touch asap. Even if it's another Sean Fanning, I'd still be getting in touch. There could be some money in it for you!"
Sean took the newspaper from the landlady's hands and read the spot she had ringed with a red biro. It said, 'Will a Sean Fanning, born during 1960 somewhere in Portlaw, County Waterford, Ireland and who knew the late Maxine Cheevers, formerly of Salford, Manchester, please contact solicitors Brown, Salters and Clarey at ..............................'
"Is that you, Sean?" the landlady asked.
"I wish it was!" Sean replied, adding, "I could do with a windfall right now. It wouldn't half help me in my studies."
It wasn't the prospect of any monetary benefit that Sean was wanting to stay quiet about. He just didn't want to engage in any conversation that might reveal his prison record and other highly sensitive details about his background. Sean simply thanked Mrs Fox and closed the door; deliberately retaining the Buck's Herald beneath his arm.
Three days later, Sean paid a call to the solicitor's office who'd advertised for him to make contact with them. He was seen by Fred Salters, one of the two more senior partners of the legal trio. Twenty minutes later, Sean left the solicitor's office, none the wiser to where his daughter currently was and certainly no richer than when he'd entered the law firm's premises. He'd been asked to bring his passport and his birth certificate to prove identity.
The firm of solicitors had been appointed by the County Court to discover whether Maxine had any other living relatives, as she had died intestate. The solicitors had learned (presumably from the police), that Sean and Maxine were virtually cohabitees at the time of her mother's death. Consequently, the solicitors therefore needed to establish whether the couple had married secretly or if a will had ever been made by Maxine.
After Sean had confirmed the details that Mr Salter wanted to know, the solicitor told him that he was afraid that there would be none of Maxine's estate coming his way.
"Who will inherit then?" Sean asked. He wasn't particularly wanting any of Maxine's money for himself; it just pained him to think that it would all go the coffers of the treasury in default of a will having been made by Maxine.
"I'm not at liberty to say," Mr Salter replied before thanking Sean for having made contact with them. "I can naturally reimburse you with any out-of-pocket expenditure you have incurred to come here," Mr Salter added as Sean walked towards the office door.
"Not necessary," Sean replied before leaving.
The firm of solicitors had been appointed by the County Court to discover whether Maxine had any other living relatives, as she had died intestate. The solicitors had learned (presumably from the police), that Sean and Maxine were virtually cohabitees at the time of her mother's death. Consequently, the solicitors therefore needed to establish whether the couple had married secretly or if a will had ever been made by Maxine.
After Sean had confirmed the details that Mr Salter wanted to know, the solicitor told him that he was afraid that there would be none of Maxine's estate coming his way.
"Who will inherit then?" Sean asked. He wasn't particularly wanting any of Maxine's money for himself; it just pained him to think that it would all go the coffers of the treasury in default of a will having been made by Maxine.
"I'm not at liberty to say," Mr Salter replied before thanking Sean for having made contact with them. "I can naturally reimburse you with any out-of-pocket expenditure you have incurred to come here," Mr Salter added as Sean walked towards the office door.
"Not necessary," Sean replied before leaving.
Over the following month, Sean made an appointment to speak with one of the Area Officers at the Social Services Department in Aylesbury. The Meeting lasted thirty minutes, during which it was Sean who did most of the talking. After proving his identity, he informed the social worker of his prior relationship with Maxine Cheevers and also of his knowledge that she'd given birth to their child while he'd been serving a prison sentence.
The Area Manager, a Mr Frimm, was relatively new to the Aylesbury office, having only moved there from Kent two months earlier. He was unable to confirm that their department had ever experienced any dealings concerning Maxine Cheevers or any child of hers. He did however agree to look into Sean's inquiry and photocopied Sean's details of identity and birth certificate.
"Naturally, you understand that I will not be able to provide you with any confirmation of the existence of any child by the late Maxine Cheevers, let alone the current circumstances and whereabouts of a child, even if every word you've told me is Gospel. I can however, place a full record of this meeting between us today on any file that we may or may not have."
"And how will that help me?" Sean asked irately. "Putting a few notes on some file that will probably never be read again isn't going to help me or bring me any closer to my child!"
Mr Frimm looked at Sean sympathetically and said, "If any child who is adopted today wants to make contact with any natural parent once they have reached the age of majority, they are then able to have access to all details on their personal files, which are retained by the area that processed their adoption. If I record this meeting between us, and your daughter one day requests access to her file, such access will be forthcoming and in those circumstances, she will know of your existence, along with the fact that you wanted to find her today. I do hope that this information is satisfactory to you, Mr Fanning. Good day."
Sean felt that he'd now done all he could under the circumstances and returned to his digs, content that he had discharged his duty to both Maxine and their daughter. Apart from the occasional wet eye from time-to-time whenever he saw a young girl with her father over the coming months, Sean was ready once more to move on with his life.
The Area Manager, a Mr Frimm, was relatively new to the Aylesbury office, having only moved there from Kent two months earlier. He was unable to confirm that their department had ever experienced any dealings concerning Maxine Cheevers or any child of hers. He did however agree to look into Sean's inquiry and photocopied Sean's details of identity and birth certificate.
"Naturally, you understand that I will not be able to provide you with any confirmation of the existence of any child by the late Maxine Cheevers, let alone the current circumstances and whereabouts of a child, even if every word you've told me is Gospel. I can however, place a full record of this meeting between us today on any file that we may or may not have."
"And how will that help me?" Sean asked irately. "Putting a few notes on some file that will probably never be read again isn't going to help me or bring me any closer to my child!"
Mr Frimm looked at Sean sympathetically and said, "If any child who is adopted today wants to make contact with any natural parent once they have reached the age of majority, they are then able to have access to all details on their personal files, which are retained by the area that processed their adoption. If I record this meeting between us, and your daughter one day requests access to her file, such access will be forthcoming and in those circumstances, she will know of your existence, along with the fact that you wanted to find her today. I do hope that this information is satisfactory to you, Mr Fanning. Good day."
Sean felt that he'd now done all he could under the circumstances and returned to his digs, content that he had discharged his duty to both Maxine and their daughter. Apart from the occasional wet eye from time-to-time whenever he saw a young girl with her father over the coming months, Sean was ready once more to move on with his life.
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