"From time to time, Facebook brings up a previous post of ours. When I saw one of mine this morning, it got me thinking about the lengths some of us will go to keep a loved one close to us. I'm not referring to the more usual actions of romantic blackmail where the male looks at the woman he is courting and with 'come to bed' eyes says, 'If you really loved me you would.......' I refer instead to the less common sacrifices we have made to please. I'm thinking about the things that would bring you out of your comfort zone.
Between 1962 and 1964, I spent two years living and working in Canada. Part of this time I worked in a hotel in Toronto. My workmate there who showed me the ropes was a Bell Hop called Ron. Ron was a gambler, alcoholic and keen angler. Ron loved fishing so much that often he would spend two or three days out in the wild open country with his fishing rod, wading waist deep in some fast flowing river.
Ron was in his mid-fifties and had been married three times. One night during a quiet shift at the hotel where virtually no custom was to be had, we started talking. Within no time at all, we'd started swapping stories and eventually the topic came around to how he had met his three wives and what had gone wrong with the marriages that had failed. Despite having been wed and divorced thrice, Ron believed in fate and he, therefore, held the view that he'd been destined to meet each woman in his life where he'd first seen them and in whatever circumstances he'd come across them. To Ron, everything which occurred in his life happened for a reason.
He told me that he met his first wife in circumstances common to many men of his time, at a line dance. His meeting with his third wife was a bit more unusual, as she'd been a nurse who'd attended him in hospital after he'd damaged his back in a fall and had to spend six weeks as a patient in the Toronto hospital. It was only when he started telling me about wife number two that he really grabbed my full attention. He said that at the time he had few vices, and although he did smoke cigarettes and might have a flutter on the horse races from time to time, he hardly ever drank.
He'd been spending a week camping and fishing in the Canadian Rocky region of British Columbia. This was a favourite haunt of his where trout, sturgeon and halibut could be caught in abundance. During such breaks, he would sleep out under the stars and would awake every morning with the early birds, and go fishing after breakfast.
On the morning in question, Ron had gone to a stretch of the river where halibut were plentiful and he always caught something. It was there where he came upon her; wife number two. She was also camping alone in the area; something that few single ladies would ever do unless they were good with a rifle, because of prowling bears.
Ron told me that when he first saw her, he thought he'd died and gone to heaven. She was laid prostrate across a river boulder stark naked, washing in the cool water of the flowing river. Ron expected her to jump out of her skin as soon as she realised that she wasn't alone. Instead, she was reported to be as cool as a cucumber and asked him causally to pass her her towel nearby. Before he had a chance to modestly avert his eyes, she stood up to dry herself off.
Being eager to hear lots more I asked Ron, 'What happened then?' Ron just smiled coyly and said, 'Being the gentleman my mom had brought me up to be, Bill, there was nothing else I could do in such circumstances except the decent thing. So, I asked her to marry me!'
Their first two years of married life was blissful and the couple were lost in a maze of love, friendship and close intimacy. Ron knew he loved her when 'home' went from being a place to being a person.Though they moved house three times in their short marriage, he was happy with her wherever they lived. Ron said that though she had faults, he loved her so much that he never focused on her imperfections. Blinded by love, Ron said that he didn't notice her addiction to drink until halfway into their marriage of six years. When it became impossible to ignore the problem any longer, gradually Ron had to acknowledge that the woman he loved was an alcoholic, yet despite all his attempts to get her off the drink, he finally had to accept that he couldn't.
Ron then said that the only way he could avoid losing her was to stay close to her, even if that meant him becoming an alcoholic also! Six years after they'd married, his wife died from liver failure and despite getting married a third time some years later, wife number two was the only one he said he truly loved. Her name was Carrie.
Although I have frequently heard of men and women doing all manner of things to stay close to their partner's affections, like dressing up as a nun on their honeymoon or allowing the woman to act as a dominatrix, Ron is the only one I know who deliberately went into the realms of addiction to prove his love. I remained fascinated at the thought of someone going to such lengths of deliberately becoming an alcoholic in order to remain close to the one they love.
What were the circumstances in which you met your true love? Were they as unusual as Ron's experience or the run of the mill introductions which fate often decrees? How far would you be prepared to go in order to stay close to the one you loved? Have you ever dared to bathe in the nude in the cool waters of the open air? Would you marry every man or woman after seeing them naked for the first time? Upon coming across a cool, clear running stream in 'The Dales' or 'The Lake District' one sunny day, and you being the only person around, how likely would you be to strip naked and think 'I'll have a bit of that, thank you very much!' Or upon coming across a naked beauty bathing in a stream in the wild of the country, would your instant reaction be to discreetly cough to announce your presence........or would you be tempted to think, 'I'll have a bit of that, thank you very much!'
It forever fascinates me the things we'll do for love and the lengths we'll go to. How far out of your comfort zone has love taken you? Go on, tell all. Nobody else will ever know!"William Forde: October 1st, 2017.