"I was watching a film on the television the other day and towards the end, I found myself crying. I have always been a crier, particularly when I see a child on the screen face hardship or death from some incurable illness. I have never been ashamed of crying because I know the process to be a safety valve.
There is a sacredness in tears that only the heart can touch; there is a saddness in loss that only the soul can feel. Stay constant to all source of goodness and close to your God and you shall endure the worst of days and experience the best of times.
Tears are often the morning's dew of sadness and carry more weight in their passage than speech ever could. Tears are conducted by the sadness of the soul and reflect the overflowing of a happy heart. They can contradict the mood of the moment, making one laugh over sad times past and cry over happier times experienced. They are most often seen at times of birth and death.
The tears I always found the hardest to bear were those shed by my mother, daughterand wife, Sheila.
I'll never forget the tears of my father (a man who genuinely thought it was unmanly to cry), when I first asked him to buy me a bycycle at the age of 6 years and financial circumstances wouldn't allow him to buy me a new bicycle. The one he did buy me from Cleckheaton Market Place was second hand and had no mudguards of brakes and cost him ten shillings; I loved it and I loved my dad a little bit more for his sacrifice.
As I lay dying in hospital at the age of 11 years after a horrific traffic accident and the doctor said, 'I'm afraid your son will be lucky to see the night through, Mrs Forde', I'll never lose that image of her crying bitterly at the end of my bed. I will never forget setting off to emmigrate to Canada at the age of 21 years in 1963. As the taxi pulled away, I looked around and literally saw my mother's tears fall onto the glass as she pressed her face up close to the frosted glass of the window pane as she wondered if she'd ever see me again. I cried when I frequently saw my mother spit up blood and I cried for a full week after her early death many years ago as I sorted through her personal belongings, as my father couldn't bear to.
I cried when I left my first love in Canada and flew back to England in 1965 knowing that we wouldn't see each other again. I cried after the birth of all my children and I cried for days when my wife told me unexpectedly that she didn't want to be married any longer and wanted a divorce. The longest period I cried was every night for two years before I went to sleep at a time when my ex and the mother to my first two children, in defiance of the Court Order to the contrary, wouldn't allow me any contact whatsoever with my children for two years. She wouldn't allow them to speak with me or I them. Eventually, the court lost its patience with her and threatened her with immediate imprisonment if she continued to obstruct the Order of Court.
I also cried at the death of our beautiful dog Lady in the October of 2016. She started to die when Shela was in Singapore and I asked her to hang on until the day after when Sheila returned home. Our very first act was to take Lady to the vet and have her put to sleep.
Tears I found unbearable were the ones from my daughter Becky after I told her I had a terminal illness. For weeks after, whenever she phoned me, I could her her stifled tears down the telephone line as they pierced my heart.
The time that also wounded me was to see the tears of my wife, Sheila, during moments of sadness she experienced. To see someone you love more than anyone else in the world cry uncontrollably, and to know that though your presence and support undoubtedly helps them, nothing you do can remove the hurt that they are then feeling, I find heartbreaking.
I have cried all the way through the writing of this morning's post as feelings for any big loss are never forgotten or ever die completely.
Never mistake tears as the mark of weakness; they are the true expression of love and concern and the main indicator that you 'feel'. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues and act more boldly than the bravest of hearts. Tears are messengers of the soul and are capable of conveying overwhelming grief, deep contrition, boundless love and all manner of human emotion that is better expressed in feeling than in the spoken word." William Forde: January 28th, 2018.