"Having been born in the 'Chinese Year of the Horse' has certainly helped me to ride out the storm so far. The creation of false impressions may temporarily work for us when we keep things to ourselves but rest assured, the time will always come when there is no satisfactory substitution for telling the truth and taking the requisite action.
When I was told four years ago that I had a terminal illness, I won't pretend that there wasn't some degree of fear I needed to face and deal with. Naturally, I would have preferred not to have received such news for another ten or twenty years; not because I feared death, as we all have to die sometime, but because having received the news, I felt obligated to do something about it. I knew that whatever I did or whoever I told, that 'doing nothing' was not an option open to me!
I was naturally concerned how sadly loved ones and friends might respond to the news when told, but remained mindful how badly they would feel after my death had I never told them; had I been here one day in their lives and gone the next!
I quickly came to the decision that 'keeping quiet about my condition', particularly to family members, would be a selfish act, as to leave them in ignorance would merely create more hurt for them after my passing than they needed to have.
This was undoubtedly a correct decision and one which I would have no hesitation in urging others to take likewise, in the event of ever being presented with the same dilemma. I cannot tell you how much it pained me to hear my daughter and sons cry when they first learned of the news, but I know that they would have cried harder and longer had I not told them of my condition.
You see, just as it is important for someone who is dying to have the opportunity to come to terms with their demise in order that they can put their affairs in order, so it is for those bereaved who are left behind. Four years along the line since I told my family, I know that the mere telling has healthily helped them in the grieving process by being able to gradually prepare and condition their bodies meanwhile.
When we were growing up on Windybank Estate, we had an old gate that used to creak and croak every time we went in and out. I would often go through it on a morning, never expecting it to be still hanging on its hinges whenever I returned. If I recall correctly, that old gate hung on all through my childhood and was still hanging in there when I came back from Canada at the age of 23 years!
I often compare myself to that old gate. I know it may sound strange to anyone who is the perfect picture of health, but being closer to death can put you more in touch with life than you ever were. Each day the sun rises and you are there to greet it, is another special day to be savoured and enjoyed. There is so much to do once one becomes aware of less time to do it in.
Every time my children visit me and I am looking and feeling good, I try to creak and croak a bit less in their presence. I have never had a second thought as to whether I was right to tell them about my terminal condition four years ago, and they have often told me since that they are glad to know the truth.
'Knowing the truth' enables all of us to 'get on with our lives' without recrimination or regret and to make the most of our time together that we are left with. Each day longer I now live is one more day that is happier than the one before. Indeed, I feel so good at the moment that I often forget my terminal condition. Then I remember why I feel thus; it is because I am living today, not dying!" William Forde: February 4th, 2018.