"The past week and a half has been difficult for me with my blood being short of oxygen and my energy levels being too low to move around freely without shortage of breath. Today, I receive my next blood transfusion and know that I will leave the hospital that I limped into at 8am with an afternoon bounce in my stride.
Having a terminal illness necessitates one learning more and more about one's own body in order to affect proper monitoring and thereby receive the help one needs as soon as one needs it. I now know to the day and sometimes the hour when my next blood transfusion is due and the doctor at the hospital trusts me to book myself in earlier if needs be. Unfortunately, this freedom of admission wasn't possible over the Christmas week and an additional week's wait proved necessary; hence the increased tiredness.
From the many problems I have seen over the decades, I can readily understand how anyone afflicted by any physical ailment can benefit from the assistance, companionship and even physical help of another. However, having been employed in the capacity of a counsellor or consultant for most of my working life, I still find it strange to fully understand why any person needs to go for help to another in order to learn more about themselves! At the end of the day, nobody can ever truly know us as well as we know ourselves. True, we may often try to kid ourself that this or that isn't so about us, but deep down, none can deceive oneself about the me who we have lived with all of our lives and therefore have known longest and best.
I am my own muse, I am the subject I know best, the fountain and source of my experiences and the poet of my own vision. I have seen the sea when it is wild and stormy; I have watched it quiet and serene, even when it is moody and unpredictable. In all its moods I see myself for what I am and have become. In all moods I find myself and know that I am me." William Forde: January 6th, 2016.