'Friends and Acquaintances'
They say that a man's best friend is his dog and for those of us who are truly fortunate enough to have an animal as a friend, we know how close that bond of affection is capable of becoming.
I was once told by a very wise person, that animals do not speak the human language, but that they understand it. I was informed that they have the ability to speak, but choose to maintain their eternal silence for the benefit of mankind and the continuation of world peace. When asked how he had arrived at such a conclusion, the wise man simply said, "Because all the secrets which dogs know about every situation they have ever been a part of since time began, would destroy mankind's accepted wisdom and knowledge if ever revealed. Were such secrets ever to become public knowledge, then our history would have to be re-written and all hell would break loose as one generation truly found about the antics of a previous time, or one person, couple, group, family, society, country or nation discovered the actual truth about who wrote this, said and did that, where and to whom."
The animals of the world possesses the knowledge to rewrite the history of the world and provide a more accurate account of unfolding events. We humans ignore both their presence and entreaties at our own peril as there is much they can teach us and I very much suspect that they will still be here as a species long after we have gone!
I was once told by a very wise person, that animals do not speak the human language, but that they understand it. I was informed that they have the ability to speak, but choose to maintain their eternal silence for the benefit of mankind and the continuation of world peace. When asked how he had arrived at such a conclusion, the wise man simply said, "Because all the secrets which dogs know about every situation they have ever been a part of since time began, would destroy mankind's accepted wisdom and knowledge if ever revealed. Were such secrets ever to become public knowledge, then our history would have to be re-written and all hell would break loose as one generation truly found about the antics of a previous time, or one person, couple, group, family, society, country or nation discovered the actual truth about who wrote this, said and did that, where and to whom."
The animals of the world possesses the knowledge to rewrite the history of the world and provide a more accurate account of unfolding events. We humans ignore both their presence and entreaties at our own peril as there is much they can teach us and I very much suspect that they will still be here as a species long after we have gone!
Just imagine what might happen were one able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt which prophet spoke the truth, who actually modelled for the Mona Lisa, who really fired the first bullet at the 'OK Coral', or if were we were to establish the definitive and undoubted national origin of Saint Patrick, Saint George or even Saint Nicholas!
Just imagine being able to sit down in your comfortable house at meal time and tuck into a magnificent dinner while some other poor person at the other side of the globe starves or is being beaten to death! Humans consider yourselves blessed that you have the power to temporarily suspend your critical faculties in order to distort reality for the sake of your own sanity and sense of pleasure, but animals can't. That is why they refuse to talk about their dog's life of an existence. That is why, when they meet a loving owner who treats them as an individual with respect, dogs never abandon their lifelong friend. They learn how to accurately interpret the voice of their master or mistress and understand every intonation of their speech and grimace of their facial folds of curiosity, displeasure and sheer bliss. Had they but the choice, I feel confident that their separation pangs of grief at their master's departure is so much that when their owner dies, a large part of them dies also.
Just imagine being able to sit down in your comfortable house at meal time and tuck into a magnificent dinner while some other poor person at the other side of the globe starves or is being beaten to death! Humans consider yourselves blessed that you have the power to temporarily suspend your critical faculties in order to distort reality for the sake of your own sanity and sense of pleasure, but animals can't. That is why they refuse to talk about their dog's life of an existence. That is why, when they meet a loving owner who treats them as an individual with respect, dogs never abandon their lifelong friend. They learn how to accurately interpret the voice of their master or mistress and understand every intonation of their speech and grimace of their facial folds of curiosity, displeasure and sheer bliss. Had they but the choice, I feel confident that their separation pangs of grief at their master's departure is so much that when their owner dies, a large part of them dies also.
So, if you are ever lucky enough to establish a relationship with another human being that is based on the same kind of mutual feelings that is shared between pet owner and beloved pet, don't ever be careless enough to allow the friendship to cool or wither and die on the vine with the passing of time; for friends, that is true friends, are hard to come by and their wants should never be passed by along the way. If you look after them, you can be sure that they will always look after and protect you.
When you have a true friend, consider yourself truly blessed for they do not come around too often in one’s lifetime. Invest both time and truth in the enduring quality of such contact you share together. Do not ever become stingy in your capacity to willingly give and gladly receive, for it is only through the combination of this basic reciprocity of humanity that one can truly become the person one was meant to be, and by doing so grow closer to one’s self, one’s friend, one’s neighbour and one’s God. A true friend will never abandon you, whereas a country may to protect the greater interest of the majority. Was I ever obliged to exercise the choice between betraying my friend or my country, I would hope that I had the guts to betray my country.
One’s country will inevitably change with the passing of the years, but a good friend remains forever constant in a way that a place never could. Though the body may migrate to pastures new, a true friend remains a friend for life. I have a friend called Tony who lives in County Tipperary, Ireland, who I haven’t seen for nigh on eight years. And yet, I know that the very next time we meet and speak, the years that have passed since 2007 shall magically fade away as though they never parted us and the conversation we last held will simply carry on where we left off. We will be as two small boats that have been harboured side by side in eight years of stillness; simply awaiting a favourable tide when we can go out sailing together again. During the first ten minutes of our next meeting, our eyes will readjust their aging focus and leave us with an image that is kind to our friend.
If one is truly honest, only the most fortunate of people shall amass a number of friends in a full span of life that counts more in number than the fingers on one of their hands. Occasionally, we slip up and start to include our ‘fair weather’ acquaintances within our range of friends, but at the time when we really need their help, we invariably find that they aren't there for us and we have been left stranded or upstream in an attempt to row the boat alone without a paddle.
Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came and who never left your side. True friends will be found there for you in all weathers. However fierce the storm, they will not abandon you. They may not always give you what you ask for, but they will always be on hand to give you what they truly think you need; whether it be moral and practical support, empathy, words of consolation, a hug or simply to express their belief in you.
They will also give you honest advice and express their honest opinion, whether or not you initially perceive such as being unhelpful or highly critical. It is this uneasy part of a relationship and the ability to remain true to one’s self that distinguishes the quality of the relationship between one of mere ‘acquaintance’ or true ‘friendship’! It is as though they see you clearly in choppy waters and act as your light house, guiding you safely passed the rocks towards the safety of the shore.
They will also give you honest advice and express their honest opinion, whether or not you initially perceive such as being unhelpful or highly critical. It is this uneasy part of a relationship and the ability to remain true to one’s self that distinguishes the quality of the relationship between one of mere ‘acquaintance’ or true ‘friendship’! It is as though they see you clearly in choppy waters and act as your light house, guiding you safely passed the rocks towards the safety of the shore.
“How do I look in this dress, Sarah?” one woman may ask another, as she struggles with the forces of gravity to prevent her stomach from collapsing outwards during the process of exhalation, or her breasts from shaping themselves into a tightly-packed sack of spuds.
An acquaintance may politely deceive in their response, but it is only a true friend who’ll tell the truth in the kindest possible way saying, “The dress is much nicer than the fit, but I'm afraid it makes you look like a size 18 woman in a size 16 dress!”
An acquaintance may politely deceive in their response, but it is only a true friend who’ll tell the truth in the kindest possible way saying, “The dress is much nicer than the fit, but I'm afraid it makes you look like a size 18 woman in a size 16 dress!”
When one examines one’s list of friends, they invariably appear at different stages of one’s life and development. One’s first true friend is usually an inanimate object of love and comfort; a memory of one’s childhood that follows one into adult life, even though it is housed in trunks and dark attics. I refer to that special doll, teddy bear or comfort blanket which may no longer be used, yet is still capable of providing comfort during unhappy times of adult emotional upset.
One’s very first ‘friend for life’ is invariably a childhood play friend or best friend from school days. They were often the person who were present when you had your first cigarette or kiss behind the bicycle shed. This is often the person who emboldened your actions by their encouragement, saying, “I will if you will.”
Next is one’s friend in teenage years. This is someone who was responsible of making boldness your friend for life and introduced you to the grading of secrets: those that can be be revealed to all after a set period of time has lapsed: those that can only be revealed within a closed circle of friends; and those that remain a solemn secret between the two of you and which you shall each take to your grave.
This is a friendship that shares those dark secrets and moments of deepest shame that you’d simply die of if your adult friends, family or partner ever learned of; such as the first boy to see you in a state of undress or that 'see through' dress you wore at Roger Seacroft's sixteenth birthday bash that couldn't possibly hide your wicked intentions or black knickers! And there was also that wicked party game of 'My perfect man' that you introduced me to on Silvia Slater's eighteenth that involved the divestiture of all of our garments before one could fully participate, and where failure to strip led to one 'losing their head.'
This is a friendship that shares those dark secrets and moments of deepest shame that you’d simply die of if your adult friends, family or partner ever learned of; such as the first boy to see you in a state of undress or that 'see through' dress you wore at Roger Seacroft's sixteenth birthday bash that couldn't possibly hide your wicked intentions or black knickers! And there was also that wicked party game of 'My perfect man' that you introduced me to on Silvia Slater's eighteenth that involved the divestiture of all of our garments before one could fully participate, and where failure to strip led to one 'losing their head.'
Because such friendship carries with it so much ‘power to destroy’, it will often transcend the closeness of family contacts and will remain in good stead for the whole of one’s life, until you drive off a cliff together like Thelma and Louise; unless of course it conflicts with the shared desire and affection of one man, the same man! I have known cases where best friends became worst enemies when one wasn't content enough with her own man that she had to carry on an affair with her best friend's man at the same time. In such circumstances, your friend can then become your deadliest foe.
I recall a friend called Christopher who taught me something very valuable about the nature of true friendship. Christopher taught me that whilever actions continue to match expectations, peace will prevail. However, to expect one thing and get another can put a strain on all manner of friendships. It surprises the senses just as much as falling in love with an adorable piglet rollocking merrily in the straw and taking it home as a pet; only to later discover to your horror that its breed is of the oversized Vietnamese pot-bellied variety!
In 1968, I first married and was fortunate enough to move into a newly-built house with six other newly-married couples who became next door neighbours in our leafy cul-de-sac. Over the next six years, we became the closest of working-class friends living a middle-class lifestyle. We dined in and ate out together, we holidayed and we danced together. Whatever one couple did, the other six couples finished up doing also. When one neighbour wanted his garden turfing, we all mucked in and did the job in two hours instead of it taking one of us a few days on our own. If an interior wall needed demolishing, one could guarantee that they’d be seven sledge hammers on the job before the seven wives would also would be assembled in the house of labour ‘doing their thing’ while the men hammered on in masculine bonding. I'm sure that at our collective height of creativity, we could have erected a timber constructed house from foundation to roof between sunrise and sunset like they did in the film, 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'. And yet despite our closeness in bond as a group of seven couples, each marriage partner couldn't have been more different than their spouse had they deliberately tried to be.
In 1968, I first married and was fortunate enough to move into a newly-built house with six other newly-married couples who became next door neighbours in our leafy cul-de-sac. Over the next six years, we became the closest of working-class friends living a middle-class lifestyle. We dined in and ate out together, we holidayed and we danced together. Whatever one couple did, the other six couples finished up doing also. When one neighbour wanted his garden turfing, we all mucked in and did the job in two hours instead of it taking one of us a few days on our own. If an interior wall needed demolishing, one could guarantee that they’d be seven sledge hammers on the job before the seven wives would also would be assembled in the house of labour ‘doing their thing’ while the men hammered on in masculine bonding. I'm sure that at our collective height of creativity, we could have erected a timber constructed house from foundation to roof between sunrise and sunset like they did in the film, 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'. And yet despite our closeness in bond as a group of seven couples, each marriage partner couldn't have been more different than their spouse had they deliberately tried to be.
After two years of close friendship, I needed one of my rooms stripping of a wood-chipped ceiling; which anyone who has ever had to try and remove such a covering will know how difficult it is. I was on a tight schedule and I knew I couldn’t get the job completed on my own in the time available. I naturally called on my six friends to pitch in and help out one Saturday afternoon. I wanted the work completing before my birthday, and as Sunday of that weekend was already accounted for I was left with only a one-day window in which to do it in. Five of them instantly agreed, but friend Christopher merely replied, “Sorry Bill, but Saturday is out. I can’t help you this Saturday.” My instant reaction was one of shock and disappointment. It was as though I had a little problem in the gladiatorial arena and my former friend, the Emperor Nero, had told the Empress to give me the 'thumbs down' sign.
I recall getting the job finished with the help of the other five friends, though we needed to work until 11pm that day to do it. Throughout this stripping task, I was cursing the friend who’d declined and can clearly remember invoking the other five helpers to enjoin with me in the uncharitable thoughts I frequently expressed throughout the day about how well I hoped that the roof of his house might hold up during the next storm to hit the area. "I'll be there to offer a helping hand, if God forbid such tragedy should ever strike him and his family. I'll be there to provide him with a shoulder to cry on" I said tongue in cheek, adding sardonically, "even if he wasn't there for me."
Although the help I needed was not exactly on the scale of a house destruction tragedy, I nevertheless felt that the 'principles' involved were the same! Of course they weren't, but I was too annoyed and emotionally angry with my so called friend at the time to rationally see it this way.
Although the help I needed was not exactly on the scale of a house destruction tragedy, I nevertheless felt that the 'principles' involved were the same! Of course they weren't, but I was too annoyed and emotionally angry with my so called friend at the time to rationally see it this way.
All seven couples eventually grew back close together and it was as though words and thoughts of displeasure had never been expressed or felt. However, it took me a long while to come to terms with the fact that although I had the personal right to ask my friend for his help on a set date, that he also had the personal right to decline my request without providing an excuse or reason that I’d find satisfying!
When I thought back on the event in question which I'd foolishly nearly allowed to mar our friendship, I soon concluded that I had no more right to 'expect him' to automatically drop all he had planned and readily accept my proposal to tie up his entire day by helping me out, any more than a five-foot-tall man has of meeting a seven-foot woman in the street he's never seen before and 'expecting' her to marry him just because he asked her to marry him in total earnestness. For all I knew, my friend could have been attending to a dying relative, being dragged through the bankruptcy courts or attending a new job interview having recently been made redundant and not yet having told anyone! Whatever he had planned was entirely 'his business' which he had deemed more important than mine.
When I thought back on the event in question which I'd foolishly nearly allowed to mar our friendship, I soon concluded that I had no more right to 'expect him' to automatically drop all he had planned and readily accept my proposal to tie up his entire day by helping me out, any more than a five-foot-tall man has of meeting a seven-foot woman in the street he's never seen before and 'expecting' her to marry him just because he asked her to marry him in total earnestness. For all I knew, my friend could have been attending to a dying relative, being dragged through the bankruptcy courts or attending a new job interview having recently been made redundant and not yet having told anyone! Whatever he had planned was entirely 'his business' which he had deemed more important than mine.
In later years, it transpired that he had something very personal to do that day I’d asked him to help; something I would clearly have understood had he told me. However, the simple fact was he didn’t feel it was appropriate to tell me at the time. So even though the personal rights of any individual is to be able to both ask and decline, with or without explanation, we have grown to nevertheless expect an explanation to accompany a refusal of a request that we make to a friend.
The simple truth however, is that it might have been wholly inappropriate for him to have given me an explanation or that even had he done so, I may not have liked the honest answer he supplied. It still didn't prevent me from feeling hurt however, just to have been refused. My initial gut reaction was that I had been the one to hold out my hand asking for a friend's help and his response had been to leave them empty!
The simple truth however, is that it might have been wholly inappropriate for him to have given me an explanation or that even had he done so, I may not have liked the honest answer he supplied. It still didn't prevent me from feeling hurt however, just to have been refused. My initial gut reaction was that I had been the one to hold out my hand asking for a friend's help and his response had been to leave them empty!
When I was working in Canada for a couple of years during the early 60s, I needed to ‘exaggerate the truth’ in order to secure a job as a Desk Clerk at ‘The Glenview Terrace Hotel’ in uptown Toronto. The lie that I told was that I had previous experience in operating a telephone switchboard, which I didn’t, and that I had previously worked in a hotel in London, another big fib. If the truth be known at the time, I would have fumbled operating a simple telephone call box.
The hotel was positioned two miles closer to the airport than any other hotel in Toronto and whenever bad weather or dense fog descended, flights to America and other countries would be cancelled and the stranded passengers would seek overnight hotel accommodation nearby. Every time this happened, business at ‘The Glenview Terrace’ would instantly pick up and all the hotel suites could be guaranteed to be snapped up at inflated prices for the night quicker than Elizabeth Taylor could say ‘I do’ or two pigs could poke their snouts in a trough!
The hotel was positioned two miles closer to the airport than any other hotel in Toronto and whenever bad weather or dense fog descended, flights to America and other countries would be cancelled and the stranded passengers would seek overnight hotel accommodation nearby. Every time this happened, business at ‘The Glenview Terrace’ would instantly pick up and all the hotel suites could be guaranteed to be snapped up at inflated prices for the night quicker than Elizabeth Taylor could say ‘I do’ or two pigs could poke their snouts in a trough!
On my second shift at the hotel, I found myself on night duty and in charge of the Reception Desk. The only other workers that night were one maintenance man on ‘emergency call’ if needed and one Bell Hop to show guests up to their rooms and to pocket the tips that he accrued for simply doing his job (a completely new concept for this Limey in this strange land-of-plenty to get to grips with).
As the stranded airport customers to the hotel began to swarm into the establishment, my busy night started in earnest. After I’d booked in around forty customers and the Bell Hop, Ron had shown them to their rooms and returned on numerous occasions with another crisp five-dollar bill tip that he cheekily waved at me, any sense of seniority I had at the start of the shift was immediately rendered meaningless. Ron had the supposedly ‘inferior job' to mine, but with his tips, was able to earn four times as much as me in any given week.
As the stranded airport customers to the hotel began to swarm into the establishment, my busy night started in earnest. After I’d booked in around forty customers and the Bell Hop, Ron had shown them to their rooms and returned on numerous occasions with another crisp five-dollar bill tip that he cheekily waved at me, any sense of seniority I had at the start of the shift was immediately rendered meaningless. Ron had the supposedly ‘inferior job' to mine, but with his tips, was able to earn four times as much as me in any given week.
Furthermore, he could do both of our jobs had he wanted to do. He just didn’t choose to enter the ‘rat race’ like me. Within the first hour of that night’s shift, the hotel had been filled. Ron was over $600 richer and I was starting to pull my hair out with being unable to come to grips with the operational functioning of a sophisticated telephone switchboard. The lies I’d told in order to get the job were coming back with a vengeance to bite me on the backside. I felt like a gate-crashing pumpkin at a Halloween Party!
As each stranded hotel customer booked in and had been shown to their room, they naturally wanted to phone home and inform their partners, family and loved ones that they were stranded in Toronto for the night until the fog lifted and wouldn't get back home until tomorrow.
There were thirty two telephone lines to allow calls in and out on the switchboard which I’d told my employer at my job interview that I could operate. Each time a guest needed to phone out, they would pick up the phone in their room and this would automatically put them through to me in the Reception with a loud buzz at my end, whereupon I would ascertain the number in whichever part of the world they wanted to speak with and duly connect them.
Never having done this before, I was slower at connecting them than I ought to have been. And then, when all thirty two lines buzzed at the same time, the noise and the unfamiliarity of the task left me completely flustered. As Ron watched on close by, adding up the tips he’d earned in the first hour, I was placing the wrong lead ends in the wrong telephone slots. I had mistakenly put Pittsburgh connections into Texas and was introducing a Japanese man on an incoming call who wanted to speak with the person in suite 64 with a stranger from Malibu in suite 46!
There were thirty two telephone lines to allow calls in and out on the switchboard which I’d told my employer at my job interview that I could operate. Each time a guest needed to phone out, they would pick up the phone in their room and this would automatically put them through to me in the Reception with a loud buzz at my end, whereupon I would ascertain the number in whichever part of the world they wanted to speak with and duly connect them.
Never having done this before, I was slower at connecting them than I ought to have been. And then, when all thirty two lines buzzed at the same time, the noise and the unfamiliarity of the task left me completely flustered. As Ron watched on close by, adding up the tips he’d earned in the first hour, I was placing the wrong lead ends in the wrong telephone slots. I had mistakenly put Pittsburgh connections into Texas and was introducing a Japanese man on an incoming call who wanted to speak with the person in suite 64 with a stranger from Malibu in suite 46!
As Ron watched on he gave me one of his wry smiles and said in his drawled speech, “You’ve not worked a switchboard before Bill, have you?”
I replied,” No I haven’t, but I needed the job. To tell the truth, Ron, I’ve not worked in a hotel before. I lied about that also!”
Ron pulled up a chair, sat me down in it, lit up a Marlboro cigarette and placed it in my mouth as he wryly remarked, “Watch and learn, Limey. Watch and learn!” Although he weighed less than ten stone, he strutted the floor like any tough cowboy out in the Wild West.
The following ten minutes were perhaps amongst the most educational I’ve ever experienced. What this simple man, who’d never got passed twelfth grade taught me, has served me well ever since in my personal and professional life. He taught me how to identify life's distractions.
I replied,” No I haven’t, but I needed the job. To tell the truth, Ron, I’ve not worked in a hotel before. I lied about that also!”
Ron pulled up a chair, sat me down in it, lit up a Marlboro cigarette and placed it in my mouth as he wryly remarked, “Watch and learn, Limey. Watch and learn!” Although he weighed less than ten stone, he strutted the floor like any tough cowboy out in the Wild West.
The following ten minutes were perhaps amongst the most educational I’ve ever experienced. What this simple man, who’d never got passed twelfth grade taught me, has served me well ever since in my personal and professional life. He taught me how to identify life's distractions.
Ron began his lesson, “With every problem there’s a ‘distraction’ and a ‘time span’. We need to get rid of the distraction and manage the time span in order to resolve the problem!" He then proceeded to illustrate.
"Think of it as getting your car washed, Bill. There are two car wash services in your town; one very close and the other a fifteen minutes drive away. The last time you used the nearest car wash, but you weren't too happy with the job they did. However, you decide to give them an opportunity to redeem themselves, so you use them again. This time though, you intend to keep an eye on the quality of service they provide. When your turn arrives, you're determined to ensure that the cleaner does a good job this time by keeping a close eye on them. Then, you discover that they've taken on a new washer, and even though she didn't wash your car any better than the last cleaner did when you had it done at this establishment, you find yourself paying for the job and arriving back home before you give it a proper once over and find it wanting once more. That's because you allowed yourself to be distracted from what you really should have been giving your attention to!"
"Think of it as getting your car washed, Bill. There are two car wash services in your town; one very close and the other a fifteen minutes drive away. The last time you used the nearest car wash, but you weren't too happy with the job they did. However, you decide to give them an opportunity to redeem themselves, so you use them again. This time though, you intend to keep an eye on the quality of service they provide. When your turn arrives, you're determined to ensure that the cleaner does a good job this time by keeping a close eye on them. Then, you discover that they've taken on a new washer, and even though she didn't wash your car any better than the last cleaner did when you had it done at this establishment, you find yourself paying for the job and arriving back home before you give it a proper once over and find it wanting once more. That's because you allowed yourself to be distracted from what you really should have been giving your attention to!"
With these words, Ron approached the noisily-buzzing switchboard that was lit up like a Christmas tree and simply turned off the switch. Immediately, the cacophonous sound vanished and was replaced by a lit-up switchboard indicating that hotel guests were still wanting outside lines and that outside lines were still calling in. The switch board was lit up, but at least it was now ‘silent’ and one could hear oneself think. A void of perfect peace had been created, despite over one hundred people vying for my immediate attention on the switchboard. It was quieter than walking down a long tunnel on one's own with nobody else in sight; a place where only the silence of the moment was echoed.
Then Ron taught me phase two of his problem solving method; the management of the problem. “Now that we’ve got rid of the distraction” Ron said, “Let’s get back in control!”
Calmly and collectively, Ron plugged in the first lead and spoke authoritatively with the person at the other end of the line. He glided through his impromptu speech with the grace and effortless of a swan in smooth water: “Reception Desk here, Sir. As you are no doubt aware, with the hotel being filled to capacity and all the flights from the airport grounded until tomorrow morning, every guest in the hotel’s four hundred rooms who cannot get back home tonight wants to phone back home to explain their absence. We only have thirty two lines out, and therefore have allocated each suite a time slot in which they can phone out.This prevents those hotel residents who are wanting yet, being unable to phone out becoming frustrated as they pointlessly wait and wait to contact me. If you phone back in one hour, I will be able to give you an outside line to America without your need to wait around a minute beyond that time slot. Thank you for your patience.”
Calmly and collectively, Ron plugged in the first lead and spoke authoritatively with the person at the other end of the line. He glided through his impromptu speech with the grace and effortless of a swan in smooth water: “Reception Desk here, Sir. As you are no doubt aware, with the hotel being filled to capacity and all the flights from the airport grounded until tomorrow morning, every guest in the hotel’s four hundred rooms who cannot get back home tonight wants to phone back home to explain their absence. We only have thirty two lines out, and therefore have allocated each suite a time slot in which they can phone out.This prevents those hotel residents who are wanting yet, being unable to phone out becoming frustrated as they pointlessly wait and wait to contact me. If you phone back in one hour, I will be able to give you an outside line to America without your need to wait around a minute beyond that time slot. Thank you for your patience.”
Ron spoke these words with the freedom and authority of voice that only true leadership and management of the situation can demand. He was issuing nothing less than a directive to all hotel guests telling them 'what to do' and giving them no discretion whatsoever in the matter of how to do it. He was effectively regaining control of the situation we faced. Because of his manner and authoritative command of the situation, every guest he spoke to accepted what he said unquestioningly.
It was beautiful to watch this simple man in action as he sweet-talked his way through a plane load of agitated and impatient guests from all fields of life, without receiving a ripple of protest from a single one of them. He was like a small sheaf of corn flower within the vastness of a farmer's field of daisies on a sunny afternoon; so sleight in overall stature to what surrounded him, yet so totally prepossessing to behold.
Then Ron spoke to the second person wanting an outside connection. The conversation was exactly the same 'with one exception.' Instead of asking the person to phone back in an hour, the waiting time was set at one hour and two minutes precisely. Then one hour and four minutes........one hour and six minutes etc. etc. Even operating with the precision of minutes seemed to make the entire operation more credible and acceptable to the waiting hotel guests. Thus Ron showed me how to manage the time slot. It took the full 8-hour shift to manage all the calls and the work wasn’t intensive; merely constant and manageable! Those hotel residents who were not allocated a time slot until five or more hours into the night, simply set their alarms or asked to be called when their turn arrived.
"Life is strange, Bill" he continued to coach me."If you want to bring the middle of a crowded city to a halt, you can do it easier by creating a distraction for the thousands of motorists. Do you know that fifty good lookers walking across the street will hold up the traffic at a crossing easier than putting an extra fifty police officers on traffic duty control, along with a couple of ardent sweethearts on a nearby bench who just couldn't wait until they returned to the privacy of their own home before they get stuck in!"
It was beautiful to watch this simple man in action as he sweet-talked his way through a plane load of agitated and impatient guests from all fields of life, without receiving a ripple of protest from a single one of them. He was like a small sheaf of corn flower within the vastness of a farmer's field of daisies on a sunny afternoon; so sleight in overall stature to what surrounded him, yet so totally prepossessing to behold.
Then Ron spoke to the second person wanting an outside connection. The conversation was exactly the same 'with one exception.' Instead of asking the person to phone back in an hour, the waiting time was set at one hour and two minutes precisely. Then one hour and four minutes........one hour and six minutes etc. etc. Even operating with the precision of minutes seemed to make the entire operation more credible and acceptable to the waiting hotel guests. Thus Ron showed me how to manage the time slot. It took the full 8-hour shift to manage all the calls and the work wasn’t intensive; merely constant and manageable! Those hotel residents who were not allocated a time slot until five or more hours into the night, simply set their alarms or asked to be called when their turn arrived.
"Life is strange, Bill" he continued to coach me."If you want to bring the middle of a crowded city to a halt, you can do it easier by creating a distraction for the thousands of motorists. Do you know that fifty good lookers walking across the street will hold up the traffic at a crossing easier than putting an extra fifty police officers on traffic duty control, along with a couple of ardent sweethearts on a nearby bench who just couldn't wait until they returned to the privacy of their own home before they get stuck in!"
In every problem situation I encountered thereafter in life, I looked first to identify the ‘distraction’ before I start to attempt to ‘manage’ the situation. Sometimes the distraction is an obvious one and at other times it can be more difficult to locate. It could be an object, a procedure, an event or even a person; almost anything. But whatever the distraction proved to be, the first course of action in the ‘problem resolving process’ is to eliminate it!
For example, if having a priceless object in your home is making you worry so much that it is affecting your peace of mind in case it gets broken, get rid of it from your home! If a procedure in the workplace is wasteful of time, change it! If going to wedding is going to prove heartbreaking, then don't go! If the source of your unhappiness in your home is your husband or wife (not their behaviour or attitude, but themselves personally), then get rid of them from your home or at the very least, from your bed!
I soon learned that if you have a problem situation to resolve, but have an overbearing itch, first scratch it and then get on with what you ought to be doing! Likewise, I also discovered that wherever you are, when an elephant in the room turns its back on you, it never pays if you wholly ignore it! Finally, if ever I find my vessel shipwrecked, instead of being beached, I cut my losses as soon as appropriately possible, jump ship and move on! Ron taught me the lesson that the Chinese have preached for thousands of years: namely that there is a time to resist and a time to go with.
For example, if having a priceless object in your home is making you worry so much that it is affecting your peace of mind in case it gets broken, get rid of it from your home! If a procedure in the workplace is wasteful of time, change it! If going to wedding is going to prove heartbreaking, then don't go! If the source of your unhappiness in your home is your husband or wife (not their behaviour or attitude, but themselves personally), then get rid of them from your home or at the very least, from your bed!
I soon learned that if you have a problem situation to resolve, but have an overbearing itch, first scratch it and then get on with what you ought to be doing! Likewise, I also discovered that wherever you are, when an elephant in the room turns its back on you, it never pays if you wholly ignore it! Finally, if ever I find my vessel shipwrecked, instead of being beached, I cut my losses as soon as appropriately possible, jump ship and move on! Ron taught me the lesson that the Chinese have preached for thousands of years: namely that there is a time to resist and a time to go with.
During the year I worked at the hotel me and Ron became the best of friends. I quickly discovered that he was an alcoholic who could abstain from alcohol for a month at a time before needing to go on ‘a bender.’ Ron was also a heavy gambler of the horses. His only healthy past-time was camping up in the mountains where he would fish. Unfortunately his fishing would undoubtedly be accompanied with copious amounts of drink for days on end. This was an established pattern of relaxation that he and his wife had enjoyed for many years in their early marriage.
Ron’s practice was to attend work in the hotel for about one month, during which he would work double shifts each day (sixteen hours per day in total). With the wages and tips he’d earn over the four-week cycle (during which not one drop of alcohol would pass his lips at either home or work), he’d place a large bet approximating $1000 on a horse. If it lost, we wouldn’t see him at work for the next week, as he’d be drunk all day long until his money ran out. If he won he'd fail to turn into work for the next two weeks and would phone in 'sick.' Ron wouldn't be in his sick bed however. Instead, he’d simply go up to the mountains to camp, fish and drink alcohol for the next two weeks! Win or lose, he would be off work and happily drunk in the process!
When he won big on the horses, Ron would also travel to a beauty spot that he and his second wife used to go to in the Canadian Rocky mountain region of British Columbia. Ron's two wives were from opposite poles; one hated alcohol and the other drank too much. His second wife also had a drink problem that eventually killed her some six years earlier. Since her death, Ron had ironically continued the same pattern of his life. I often felt that this was the only place on God's planet that Ron ever desired to be; the only place he truly enjoyed. To him, no thing or place would ever surpass those times when he was fishing in his old hunting spot that he and his wife often shared beneath the open sky, within sight and hearing distance of the Takakaw Falls. This was Ron's heaven on earth; the place he would gladly choose to die.
When he won big on the horses, Ron would also travel to a beauty spot that he and his second wife used to go to in the Canadian Rocky mountain region of British Columbia. Ron's two wives were from opposite poles; one hated alcohol and the other drank too much. His second wife also had a drink problem that eventually killed her some six years earlier. Since her death, Ron had ironically continued the same pattern of his life. I often felt that this was the only place on God's planet that Ron ever desired to be; the only place he truly enjoyed. To him, no thing or place would ever surpass those times when he was fishing in his old hunting spot that he and his wife often shared beneath the open sky, within sight and hearing distance of the Takakaw Falls. This was Ron's heaven on earth; the place he would gladly choose to die.
Ron's philosophy or way of life wouldn’t appeal to most people I ever knew, but what he taught me is that every person one ever meets has something of significance to teach you; something which is worthy of incorporating into your own response pattern. Even Ron however, didn't always seemingly see the distraction in every situation he was part of. He told me that he was fishing one sunny afternoon in the Canadian Rockies and was the worse for drink while being preoccupied with the fish he was trying to catch. Then his wife, who was also inebriated, saw an intruder and screamed. It was reportedly a black bear waiting patiently for his supper to come out of the river. Both Ron and his wife were so scared at the time that it almost make them turn teetotal, but sadly didn't!
Ever since I met Ron all those years ago, I try never to leave any relationship without taking from it at least one thing I've learned because of experiencing it. He was a most unusual man and a good friend to me when I needed one.
Ever since I met Ron all those years ago, I try never to leave any relationship without taking from it at least one thing I've learned because of experiencing it. He was a most unusual man and a good friend to me when I needed one.
Wherever you go or whoever you meet, always be on your guard against the adoption of ‘false friends;’ the person who pretends one thing, but is another.
An enemy may openly slander you, whereas a false friend will gladly bring you the bad news. Fortunately, a false friend is easier to pick out from a crowd of friends and acquaintances. Were someone to place a live ticking bomb at your feet with only seconds from explosion, whereas the 'true friend' might scream, grab you and run, the 'false friend' would skiddadle without a word! The true friend would never buy his own round at the bar without including yourself in the order of refreshments, and if there was only room for one in the taxi at the end of the night, the true friend would gladly prefer to walk home with you instead of riding home in style instead!
An enemy may openly slander you, whereas a false friend will gladly bring you the bad news. Fortunately, a false friend is easier to pick out from a crowd of friends and acquaintances. Were someone to place a live ticking bomb at your feet with only seconds from explosion, whereas the 'true friend' might scream, grab you and run, the 'false friend' would skiddadle without a word! The true friend would never buy his own round at the bar without including yourself in the order of refreshments, and if there was only room for one in the taxi at the end of the night, the true friend would gladly prefer to walk home with you instead of riding home in style instead!
The finest friend of all is one soul inhabited by two bodies. Anton Chekov wrote in his play, ‘Uncle Vanya’ in 1879, “A woman can become a man’s friend only in the following stages: first, as an acquaintance, next a mistress and only then a friend.”
While I cannot wholly subscribe to that thought as representing a universal truth, the crux of Chekhov’s message remains so relevant to many of the most enduring relationships ever experienced between a man and a woman in love. And I do know that it is only when one has developed from acquaintance through to lover and has emerged as a soul mate in life-long friendship, that one is prepared to share their bath water!
While I cannot wholly subscribe to that thought as representing a universal truth, the crux of Chekhov’s message remains so relevant to many of the most enduring relationships ever experienced between a man and a woman in love. And I do know that it is only when one has developed from acquaintance through to lover and has emerged as a soul mate in life-long friendship, that one is prepared to share their bath water!
Friends enable one to live their life and forget their age. Friends will do their bit to help, however big the tragedy in your life. They will help you find a house, move house or even rebuild one, should ever a hurricane destroy it. Friends grow upon you and never tire of you. Friends grow old with you yet will always see the youth in you.
Friendship is needed worldwide to make lives more meaningful and countries more peaceful. Friendship has a floating internationality as it spreads its wings across the globe, offering butterfly love to each person it touches and lands upon as it delicately kisses their sensibilities, plucks at the strings of their heart and stirs their soul.
Copyright William Forde May, 2012.
Friendship is needed worldwide to make lives more meaningful and countries more peaceful. Friendship has a floating internationality as it spreads its wings across the globe, offering butterfly love to each person it touches and lands upon as it delicately kisses their sensibilities, plucks at the strings of their heart and stirs their soul.
Copyright William Forde May, 2012.
