Today’s song is ‘Too Soon to Know’. This song was written by country singer Don Gibson (whose own recording of that song was released in 1958 on Gibson's album, ‘Oh Lonesome Me’) and was subsequently covered by Roy Orbison, who had a hit single in the UK, and more modest chart success in the US with the song in 1966.
How do we know, how can we tell when enough time has passed between having loved one person who broke our heart and risking loving another? A week, a month, a year or even a lifetime? The simple truth is that the response of each person differs from that of another.
As a former Probation Officer for almost thirty years, I came across many broken-hearted men and women who found it almost impossible to trust again after being betrayed, let down, dumped by another. They had been hurt so badly that they found it impossible to invest their trust again; often for tens of years after the initial event.
Today, the courting grounds, as well as the conventional ground rules of society have changed so radically that one has to be very steady on one’s feet and cool and collective in one’s considerations before investing the love of one’s heart in a total stranger. Where once we often met our life partners in the workplace, attending our church or at a local dance, today it is more than likely to be on the internet where we experience initial contact with a cyberspace courtship.
The men and women in most danger today (mostly women as opposed to men) of being conned by a potential mate are the ones who have arrived at the mid-stage of life and find themselves materially wealthy but emotionally and physically deprived of a good man or woman to love and share the rest of their life with. It may have been a divorce from a previous partner or their death which left one feeling ‘lonely’ and ‘insecure’.
It is only natural for an individual to want to fill that void; that hole in their life which seems to get wider and deeper the longer it remains empty. However, it does tend to be more likely that the con-women and con-men of cyberspace are often much younger than the men and women they are scamming; a fact in itself that the scammed individual initially finds appealing. And while most studies strongly suggest that the initial attraction of the older man towards the younger woman is predominantly a physical/sexual one, the attraction of the older woman towards the younger man is invariably emotional; although not exclusively so.
The internet is one of the most-used methods of social media today and represents a perfect means for many men and women scamming easy targets in the ‘lonely-hearts’ category. However intelligent, well-educated or streetwise one thinks they are, a person with an emotional and physical void to fill is in greater danger of being conned than a person simply out for a good time with no strings attached. It is too easy, very quickly, to fall in love with the image of a person one has never seen or spoken to in real life, as the emotional components are blindly invested online in the hope of matching one’s dream and aspirations. By the time, money is being requested for one emergency or another, the man or woman being scammed may have already convinced themselves that they have found real love and suspend all critical faculties which may otherwise have been in play. Some men and women are scammed of their entire life savings, their property and their self-respect before the penny eventually drops. Most feel so foolish, gullible and ashamed for having fallen into such an obviously risky trap that they refuse to inform the police or even their family and friends, lest they leave themselves open to ridicule and disapprobation by the ‘I told you so’ and the ‘how could you have been so stupid’ brigade of acquaintances.
In today’s society where austerity and low-paid jobs are still commonplace with a third of the population who struggle to get by from week-to-week, it is becoming harder to rent decent accommodation within one’s means and it is not unusual for grown men to be still living at the home of mum and dad even beyond their thirties! I have known so many women with their own property become easy bait to the snares of such predators. I speak of those women living on their own. The wealthier ones may own their houses outright but even the poorer ones who live in more modest council flats are fair game to the male predators seeking a roof over their heads instead of forever kipping down on the sofas of family and friends. It is not unusual today for some women to develop a relationship with a man one week, whom within the month has wormed his way into their home as a permanent resident until a better offer appears on his horizon. One could even say that this is merely one level up of having a ‘friend with benefits’ and yet it is far more common a scam in austere Britain today than the women who are conned out of their life savings on the internet by a manufactured character of stolen identity.
Returning to one's 'heartbreak’. How can we know for sure when it is time to move on after a heart-wrenching experience and trust another again with one’s heart? The simple answer is that one can never know with certainty. Even when one marries a good man or woman, it still takes time, often years, to truly know if it was the right decision for you initially. The simple fact is that loving another implies trusting another and that invariably involves risking getting hurt by another if it doesn’t work out! That’s why ’It will always be too soon to know’ until the egg has been spooned, broken and sampled.
Love and peace Bill xxx