I dedicate my song today to Amanda Forde who lives in Batley, West Yorkshire, and is married to my nephew Michael Forde (the son of my brother Michael and his wife, Denise Forde). Amanda celebrates her birthday today. Enjoy your special day, Amanda. Uncle Billy and Sheila xx
My song today is ‘Someone You Loved’. This song was recorded by Scottish singer-songwriter Lewis Capaldi. It was released as a download on 8 November 2018.
"Someone You Loved" was a commercial success, peaking at number one on the ‘UK Singles Chart’. The song became Capaldi's first Number 1 single and spent seven consecutive weeks atop of the chart. It also peaked at number one on the ‘Irish Singles Chart’ in March 2019. In the United States, ‘Someone You Loved was a ‘sleeper hit’, topping the Billboard Hot 100’ in its 24th week on the chart. It was nominated for ‘Song of the Year’ at the 62nd ‘Grammy Awards’. It also received an award for ‘Song of the Year’ at the 2020 ‘Brits Awards’. It apparently took Capaldi six months to write the song.
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I remember working with a young woman during the late 1970s in my role as a Probation Officer and group worker in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire. I cannot recall her name, only that she was aged in her twenties, was very attractive, and had spent most of her childhood and teenage years in Care of the Local Authorities. She had been made the subject of a Probation Order for an offence of shoplifting and had only been briefly employed in two jobs since she had been 18 years old. One of her jobs had been in a pub serving customers, and her other employment was working as a hotel cleaner in Northumbria. She left both work positions because of her relationships with two men, each of whom she said she had fallen in love with and planned to marry.
I remember her telling me that she had been placed with many foster parents over the years; most of whom she had run away from at the first opportunity. She also stated that she had been sexually abused by two of her Residential Home care workers during her early teens; a situation which she described as being 'par for the course' for most children in Care. She said that she continued having a sexual relationship with a local authority residential care worker for two years after coming out of Care at the age of 18-years-old. He was stated to be the Manager of a Local Authority Residential Home, who reportedly ‘sexually took advantage of her’ (her words not mine) two weeks after being received there as a resident at the age of 16 years. She said that their secret relationship continued at the Residential Home over a twelve-month period, stopped for six months, and then continued one year later after she had bumped into him in the area of Almondbury in Huddersfield, two months after leaving Care as an 18-year-old.
Before too many discussions at my office, several things became self-evident. It seemed apparent that at the top of the young woman’s wish list, she wanted to meet somebody who she loved, and who she would marry and settle down with. After achieving this objective, she was perfectly convinced that everything in the garden would be rosy and she would be happy forevermore. Secondly, it was clear that she was unable to distinguish between ‘sex’ and ‘love’, along with not being able to know if they really wanted to ‘marry her’, when all they truly desired was to ‘bed her’. I forgot how many times she must have said to me, “I don’t ask for much out of life, Mr Forde. All I want is ‘someone to love me’ and me them.”
Today’s song reminds me of her. I have known of many men in life who too freely say, ’I love you’ to a woman they have not known long when what they really mean is, ‘I want you’. I have also known some women who mistake ‘sexual compatibility’ for ‘love’. Often, the mere experience of being intimate with a man who makes them feel safe and secure is seen by them as being the sole requirement necessary to convince themselves that they have found ‘true love’. The simple truth is that ‘true love’ is never that simple to know or is that easy to fathom. Love is one of the most complicated of human emotions and ‘being in love’, the most inexplicable kinds of bliss which robs the head of all rational thought and the body of moderate emotion. We don't choose to fall in love; ‘it happens’, and when it does, it can be with a man or woman with whom we might share moments of happiness, but who is incapable of keeping us happy as a long term partner or lifelong soulmate.
The type of person, who, in my view, finds it the mist difficult to find ‘true love’ is the person who does not mix and socialise with others easily. Lacking in confidence is probably the greatest ‘put off’ to any potential suitor in the love stakes. These unconfident individuals are the ones who are most likely to find it difficult to find somebody to love, and who will love them in return. They often lack the social skills to either be at ease in another’s company or to place others at ease in their own presence. This invariably leads them to ‘trying too hard’ to be liked by the other person when out on a date, and being perceived as being ‘too willing to please’.
I would seriously recommend such introverted and non-assertive people seeking ‘love’ to become the member of as many different groups as they can, but only after they have gained enough confidence to stride out with purpose. In this regard, they could do far worse than investing their time in membership of a ‘Social Skills and Assertive Training’ programme, plus learning some Relaxation techniques such as breathing and posture exercises. Not only are they likely to meet somebody like themselves on such a programme, but this experience could give them the ‘jump-start’ they need to find out a lot more about themselves and their behaviour, as well as learning how to change inappropriate perceptions and responses by self and others.
Love and peace Bill xxx
My song today is ‘Someone You Loved’. This song was recorded by Scottish singer-songwriter Lewis Capaldi. It was released as a download on 8 November 2018.
"Someone You Loved" was a commercial success, peaking at number one on the ‘UK Singles Chart’. The song became Capaldi's first Number 1 single and spent seven consecutive weeks atop of the chart. It also peaked at number one on the ‘Irish Singles Chart’ in March 2019. In the United States, ‘Someone You Loved was a ‘sleeper hit’, topping the Billboard Hot 100’ in its 24th week on the chart. It was nominated for ‘Song of the Year’ at the 62nd ‘Grammy Awards’. It also received an award for ‘Song of the Year’ at the 2020 ‘Brits Awards’. It apparently took Capaldi six months to write the song.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I remember working with a young woman during the late 1970s in my role as a Probation Officer and group worker in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire. I cannot recall her name, only that she was aged in her twenties, was very attractive, and had spent most of her childhood and teenage years in Care of the Local Authorities. She had been made the subject of a Probation Order for an offence of shoplifting and had only been briefly employed in two jobs since she had been 18 years old. One of her jobs had been in a pub serving customers, and her other employment was working as a hotel cleaner in Northumbria. She left both work positions because of her relationships with two men, each of whom she said she had fallen in love with and planned to marry.
I remember her telling me that she had been placed with many foster parents over the years; most of whom she had run away from at the first opportunity. She also stated that she had been sexually abused by two of her Residential Home care workers during her early teens; a situation which she described as being 'par for the course' for most children in Care. She said that she continued having a sexual relationship with a local authority residential care worker for two years after coming out of Care at the age of 18-years-old. He was stated to be the Manager of a Local Authority Residential Home, who reportedly ‘sexually took advantage of her’ (her words not mine) two weeks after being received there as a resident at the age of 16 years. She said that their secret relationship continued at the Residential Home over a twelve-month period, stopped for six months, and then continued one year later after she had bumped into him in the area of Almondbury in Huddersfield, two months after leaving Care as an 18-year-old.
Before too many discussions at my office, several things became self-evident. It seemed apparent that at the top of the young woman’s wish list, she wanted to meet somebody who she loved, and who she would marry and settle down with. After achieving this objective, she was perfectly convinced that everything in the garden would be rosy and she would be happy forevermore. Secondly, it was clear that she was unable to distinguish between ‘sex’ and ‘love’, along with not being able to know if they really wanted to ‘marry her’, when all they truly desired was to ‘bed her’. I forgot how many times she must have said to me, “I don’t ask for much out of life, Mr Forde. All I want is ‘someone to love me’ and me them.”
Today’s song reminds me of her. I have known of many men in life who too freely say, ’I love you’ to a woman they have not known long when what they really mean is, ‘I want you’. I have also known some women who mistake ‘sexual compatibility’ for ‘love’. Often, the mere experience of being intimate with a man who makes them feel safe and secure is seen by them as being the sole requirement necessary to convince themselves that they have found ‘true love’. The simple truth is that ‘true love’ is never that simple to know or is that easy to fathom. Love is one of the most complicated of human emotions and ‘being in love’, the most inexplicable kinds of bliss which robs the head of all rational thought and the body of moderate emotion. We don't choose to fall in love; ‘it happens’, and when it does, it can be with a man or woman with whom we might share moments of happiness, but who is incapable of keeping us happy as a long term partner or lifelong soulmate.
The type of person, who, in my view, finds it the mist difficult to find ‘true love’ is the person who does not mix and socialise with others easily. Lacking in confidence is probably the greatest ‘put off’ to any potential suitor in the love stakes. These unconfident individuals are the ones who are most likely to find it difficult to find somebody to love, and who will love them in return. They often lack the social skills to either be at ease in another’s company or to place others at ease in their own presence. This invariably leads them to ‘trying too hard’ to be liked by the other person when out on a date, and being perceived as being ‘too willing to please’.
I would seriously recommend such introverted and non-assertive people seeking ‘love’ to become the member of as many different groups as they can, but only after they have gained enough confidence to stride out with purpose. In this regard, they could do far worse than investing their time in membership of a ‘Social Skills and Assertive Training’ programme, plus learning some Relaxation techniques such as breathing and posture exercises. Not only are they likely to meet somebody like themselves on such a programme, but this experience could give them the ‘jump-start’ they need to find out a lot more about themselves and their behaviour, as well as learning how to change inappropriate perceptions and responses by self and others.
Love and peace Bill xxx
