Today’s song is ‘Since I Don’t Have You’. This song was written and composed by Jackie Taylor, James Beaumont, Janet Vogel, Joseph Rock, Joe Verscharen, Lennie Martin, and Wally Lester. It was a 1958 hit single for the group, the ‘Skyliners’ on the ‘Billboard Hot 100’. It was recorded by Barbra Streisand in 1974. Country music singer, Ronnie Milsap had a hit with the song in 1991. ‘Guns and Roses’ also had some success in 1994 with their top ten hit cover on the ‘UK Singles Chart’. Don McLean’s 1981 rendition reached Number 23 on the ‘Billboard Hot 100’ and is the cover version to come closest to the success of the ‘Skyliners' original in the USA. It was a major Adult Contemporary hit, reaching Number 6 in the U.S. and Number 2 in Canada.
As a testament to its longevity, it is frequently played on the radio and the song was featured in the films ‘American Graffiti’: ‘The Age of Adaline’: The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai’: ‘Lethal Weapon 2’: ‘Shag’: ‘Mischief’: and television shows such as ‘Happy Days’, ‘American Hot Wax’ and ‘Outcast’.
This song is essentially about the breakup of a relationship and ‘the emptiness’ which is felt by the person who has been walked out on by their loved one. This song reminds me of the self-evident truth that when a person invests all they possess in another; along with every emotion they have, they are inevitably devastated and doomed to experience prolonged misery, in the event that they are left by the other person.
I have often told the many people I have worked with over the years that happiness comes from within oneself if it is to remain lasting. It may occasionally seem to be found within another, but that simply means it is felt within oneself, whenever one is in the presence of a significant other. One may drink happiness from the loving cup, but when such happiness is wholly dependent upon the presence of another in one’s life, the loss or removal of that person from your life will also take away your sense of happiness and wellbeing. The ‘well’ in your enduring sense of wellbeing involves you ‘being’ able to be happy with yourself and within yourself.
I have known too many rudderless people in life who genuinely put any negative feelings or emotions they may have down to being on their own and not having a partner. Such assessments couldn’t be farther from the truth. No other person in the world is capable of producing lasting happiness in you except yourself. It is true that being in the company of certain others can seem to make you happy, but whenever your happiness depends upon the presence of another solely, it only remains present in your life if the significant other does also.
If there is only one thing I would like you to take from my words today, please let it be this: “I acknowledge that I make me happy or sad! Not you, not anyone else, but I!”
If there was ever an untrue and damaging sentence of words it is the sentiment expressed in this song that says: “I don’t have anything, if I don’t have you!” However good or bad relationships become in life, never overestimate the importance of another in your life or forget your own importance regarding the presence and maintenance of your own happiness and sense of wellbeing. That is why two people coming together in a romantic alliance; each of whom has found happiness in themselves before having met each other, are destined to make each other happier when they unite in ‘true love’. Conversely, any unhappy person can never know the reassurance that only ‘true love’ can bring. Being with a happier person may bring one half of a newfound couple snatches and glimpses of greater contentment, but such brief experiences are determined by the presence of the other person in the relationship and never oneself.
Imagine two people meeting for the first time on a date, having had a previous unhappy relationship breakup and only having re-joined the dating scene after years of loneliness and depressive symptoms. The woman is looking forward to a good night out for a change instead of putting up with her own company in front of the television. She is wanting to experience an enjoyable night out, have a bit of fun and light-hearted banter.
Now, imagine that the man she is meeting on the date is still stuck in an angry past; someone who is still bound up in bitter resentment and carrying too much emotional baggage around with him that he uses every opportunity to offload in conversation with his date. All through their date, he insists on making his sole conversation about nothing else except the horrible way his ex-wife treated him before deserting him and depriving him of all access to his three children and enough money to live on after he has paid his extortionate level of monthly child maintenance.
The lady expecting a fun night out might as well forget about having an enjoyable experience with her date disaster. This couple is undoubtedly on a collision course from the start of their date, and the inevitable consequence of their meeting will be a social car crash!
For anyone in a similar position, who sadly separated from their former partner, and after a few depressive years of their own company decides to re-join the dating scene, please bear this important message in mind. When a person drums up enough courage to throw their hat in the ring again and rejoin the dating scene, please realise that they are hoping that a happy, go-lucky person will turn out to be their companion for the evening and not a 'miserable moaning Minny' who carries a sick bag instead of a sympathetic ear. A man or woman going out on their first date in years are fragile carriers of hope. While some may unrealistically hope to meet the love of their life, most are simply wanting an enjoyable night out, a laugh if possible and some light-hearted and pleasurable conversation. Please give them what they want; a pleasurable night to remember and not what the type of depressing conversation they've probably had too much of in their past relationship and want to forget!
Love and peace Bill xxx