"When dusk calls, nature listens and the sun settles down for the day. Unlike the sun however, anyone who is not yet done with love should refuse to settle until they find the one they seek.
I was in my late 60s before I realised how many men and women of my age are still searching for love, despite the nature of their previous experiences in the romantic stakes. As a twice divorcee who was dumped by two former wives who didn't want to be married any more, let me tell you that the story about kissing frogs holds much truth for any toad who happens to find himself in a hole. While there are a few in this world who meet their true love early on in life, marry them and stay happy evermore; for the vast majority of us, we often have to to experience a few trial runs and love at least one unsuitable partner in our life, just to know who's the right one when they come along.
Whatever age one is, we always know when romance has attached itself to the shirt tail of our dreams and won't let go. We know that love has arrived when we go to bed and don't fall asleep because our reality has suddenly become much better than our dreams. We sense that love is much more than a feeling, and know deep down that unless it is something we do with someone we hate to be parted from, it be not love.
The times in my life when I have been most alive is when I've been in love. Often passionate people confuse lust with love; loving the feeling of 'doing with' as opposed to loving the person for 'being with.' When relationships are built on lust as opposed to love, they tend to be possessive and controlling. Often, one partner (usually the man, but not exclusively so), wrongly convinces themselves that they control because they care. If one truly cares about the one they love, control within the relationship should never become an issue. To trust your partner and to show them that you truly care about them requires a realisation that the only person you should ever try to control is yourself!
I have often come across a relationship that is too possessive and clingy, where personal freedom to have ones own money, time and activities with friends is frowned upon by one partner. Just because you feel that you belong to her, doesn't mean that she and all she wants and does belongs to you!
It is only since I married Sheila I have come to fully appreciate, that for a relationship to work, man and wife should not only be sweethearts, but also the best of friends. Having a partner who is also my best friend is a most welcome and refreshing experience. I now understand that life runs more smoothly when your partner is also your friend and that the union between the spiritual and the physical is the prerequisite for becoming soul mates too. Friedrich Nietzsche said, 'It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.' What I do know with every breath of my being, is that being in love will help you abandon the mask you sometimes wear and that love will always tell the truth about yourself.
When I worked in the mill between the ages of 15 and 21 years, there was a man in his early thirties called Arthur who had been courting his girlfriend Patricia for eleven years! Throughout this time, everyone in the mill naturally assumed that Arthur and Patricia were engaged and that he was merely stringing her along to satisfy his own wicked ends. Before I left the mill to emigrate to Canada at the age of 21, Arthur provided all of his close contacts at the mill with an invitation to attend his wedding to Patricia. The occasion got off to a cracking start, the alcohol flowed freely, and overall, a good time was had by all. It was only during the best man's speech that Arthur's secret regarding his lengthy courtship to Patricia was revealed to the wedding guests. It turned out that the couple had never been engaged, despite their marathon courtship. The reason was simply that Arthur had always been afraid of asking Patricia to marry him, just in case she refused and he lost face with his work mates!
So be not reserved in your action to find true love. Anyone who is not yet done with love should refuse to settle until they find the one they seek, and once found, they should not be afraid to propose marriage before a new decade has dawned." William Forde: July 24th, 2016.