"'That's it! I've had enough! I want out of this life. I don't care anymore! I just want all this heartache and pain to end!'
So many times in my career as a Probation Officer have I come across someone at the end of their tether; someone who'd had enough and just didn't care for the continuation of their life anymore. The saddest thing of all I found, was just how good such people were in spite of the bad situation they were part of; just how strong they'd been putting up with it for so long despite them feeling failures for not being able to cope. The overwhelming majority of them had been to hell and back and had given 'their all' trying to make things better for another or attempting to carry on going when they felt there wasn't the slightest acknowledgement or appreciation in response. They had gone that far into their tunnel of unhappiness, they no longer believed they'd ever emerge from it.
I found the majority of these people highly sensitive, genuine and honest to the core. There was little that they wouldn't confide to another about themselves if they trusted and found their listener kind and empathetic. The moment they felt betrayed however, by one whom they'd invested trust in or felt rejected and devalued, they revealed their worse side and became the type of person you neither wanted to know or be close to.
It was at this stage that many started to seriously engage in the process of hurting themselves and they also stopped caring about how many people they happened to hurt along the way, despite it being against their nature to hurt at all! After hurting self and others, most would become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and remorse and their future lives would be filled with constant pain, unresolved situations of permanent regret, self recriminations and misunderstandings. Being fuelled with a hatred against the one whom they felt had betrayed and rejected them, they started to hate themselves and loathe their very existence. Feeling forever bruised and constantly let down by others, they invariably ended up broken hearted, forgotten souls and greatly misunderstood.
Like the Archangel Lucifer cast down from heavenly grace, they effectively become Angels with broken wings. The longer I live, the more I understand that 'loving life' means 'loving self' and 'loving others.' All three loves are indivisible. The simple truth is that we can all fly when we feel loved, but when we feel cast down, we cannot!" William Forde: January 17th, 2016.