"We all have at least one dark secret in our lives which we would do anything to keep unknown from the world; a secret so shocking that we would never tell our best friend, spouse, family member, total stranger or soul mate, because we acted so wrong at the time and have been ashamed of the incident ever since. I'll tell you mine, if you promise not to think too badly to me.
Many years ago, fifty to be precise, while out in Canada, I sometimes took a boat out on my own. I would go out of Toronto Bay and spend a sunny weekend afternoon drifting aimlessly without a care in the world. At the time, although I always had an eye for the ladies, I would never give way to impropriety of any kind. Indeed, my late dear mother always told me as a child, 'When you grow up, Billy, be a man of the world by all means, but always polish your shoes before you go out and wear clean underpants in case you have an accident and finish up in hospital, and whatever the circumstances you find yourself in, always behave like 'a proper gentleman.'
I took these words of my mum on board and I have always kept them without fail. But what's this dark secret I hear you ask yourselves that shamed me ever since? One sunny afternoon while sailing the Toronto Lake, I went far farther out in the water than I'd ever gone before. Suddenly I heard screaming, lots and lots of ladies screaming their heads off fearfully. They seemed to be half a mile away and the boat they were in was in the process of sinking. An old repair had seemingly opened up on its underside and they were frantically trying to bale out the excess water with cupped hands, but their efforts were proving futile and the water was coming into their boat quicker than they could cup it out. 'Save us! For God's sake, somebody save us before we drown', they screamed.
After spotting my boat in the far distance, hope entered their bodies and they started to shout for help in my direction as they waved their hands to attract my attention. Seeing them obviously in distress I sailed towards them, but as I drew closer and started to see them more clearly, I saw that every single boat occupant drowning was a naked woman crying out for help.
Having never been confronted with such a sight or dilemma before, my mother's advice to me as a child came rushing back to my rescue, 'When you grow up, Billy, be a man of the world by all means, but..................... whatever the circumstances you find yourself in, always behave like 'a proper gentleman.'
There was simply no way that I could manhandle a lady from her sinking boat to mine safely, while casting my eyes away, especially if the lady was not my wife and was stark naked! So sadly, I did the only thing that any proper gentleman in my circumstances could have done; I turned my boat around and returned to Toronto Bay as the fourteen naked ladies went down with their boat and disappeared beneath the water line!
In your dreams! I've no intention of telling any of you lot my dark shameful secret. I'll take it to my grave first!" William Forde: February 24th, 2016.