"Humans who believe that animals are incapable of expressing emotion obviously have never had one to share their life and experiences with. I believe this so strongly that throughout my life, any woman whom I met that neither had time for animals nor didn't recognise the importance of families, however rich or attractive she may have been, she certainly wasn't the one for me.
Most of the young ladies I went around with, I probably met on some dance floor at Cleckheaton Town Hall on a Saturday night. I've never done this modern 'speed dating' where one has a three-minute conversation of introduction in rotation around the room, in the forlorn hope that one will find a lifelong partner; although I did rotate my female conquests on an almost daily basis as a handsome young man in his early twenties. At that time when I had an abundance of 'testosterone to burn', I came closer to the fires of hell than I've ever come.
Anyway, while I would never enter into the practice of speed dating today, were I obliged to, I would ask every woman over the table, the same three questions. 'Do you like animals? Do you appreciate the importance of family, and thirdly, can you make a steak pie, a malt loaf, homemade jam and a Bakewell tart that will make my mouth water as much as watching you undress for the first time? Answer all three questions correctly and the jackpot is yours and I'll make you my Sheila to the exclusion of all others.'
I got a resounding 'yes' to all three questions I asked one day in Haworth during the cold December month of December 2010. As I walked up Main Street at the most leisurely pace, I entered Gascoigne's Restaurant where I saw three tables, each one with a woman sitting there on her own, obviously waiting for the man of her dreams to arrive. One by one I made my way slowly around each table and asked each woman my three 'love test' questions. Needless to say, only one of them came up with the right answer and I've never looked back since. Merry Christmas everyone. x " William Forde: December 21st, 2017.