Thought for today:
"Come back here this instant you...f......f......flipping flapper before I snap you in two and catapult your manhood back inside its boyhood pouch!
It is one thing to run away when someone or something fearful is chasing you, but quite another to try to run away from yourself, your upbringing or some other consequence of your present life. In many ways, running away is easy; it's what to do next that is invariably the hard part.
Running away is nearly always a form of avoidance behaviour. Paradoxically it is a kind of emotional stagnation and mental stillness that prevents one from getting on with their life. Many drug addicts, alcoholics, tramps, rough livers, criminals and even people with suicidal tendencies are essentially using their addictions and lifestyles to mask their underlying problem. They find it less painful to avoid facing their past than emotionally coming to terms with it.
My work with such people over forty years of my life has led me to see the hidden strengths in that type of person who one's first instinct is to pity. I have heard their experiences of a cruel past (mental, physical and sexual), along with their accounts of violence, violation and acts of depravity committed against them which would lead any person to a life of self-destruction. My only surprise is how they were able to put up with their ordeal so long and why they didn't try to run away from their past sooner! I have also met numerous avoiders of life, whose underlying problems were that they never once heard in childhood from their parents that they were loved. They were destined to grow up never having felt loved, nor the inclination or capacity ever to express love.
There are so many people running away from their problem situations today rather than face up to them and deal with them. In many ways, avoidance behaviour has made people with a troubled past 'a run away, stay away and throw away person.' They become someone who runs away from their past and stays away from the reaality of their present situation by using substances to block things out; someone who throws away all future prospects as a consequence!
Let me tell you in all seriousness, it is simply impossible to run away from horrible thoughts, unresolved emotions and bad deeds done to or by us. Wherever we go and whatever we do, we will carry such thoughts, feelings and actions inside us until they become finally resolved. Receiving counselling is probably one of the best ways of coming to terms with and arriving at an appropriate resolution and though the current standard rate of £40 an hour can seem expensive, it can be money well spent. For those of you who cannot afford the cost of counselling fees, don't undervalue the worth of talking to a trusted friend, which is infinitely cheaper. Be realistic in your expectations however, as any emotional baggage you have carried around inside you for past decades isn't going to be resolved in a matter of mere months or without much effort and soul searching. My own advice would be that any worker who cannot help you resolve your problems within a year is unlikely ever to be able to help you resolve them fully. Also be prepared to engage in some meditation in addition to counselling. Relaxation, transcendental meditation, yoga and other disciplines are helpful in providing a better body climate and receptive mind. Thirdly, get yourself out and join as many groups as you can, as making more friends, social interaction and getting involved in community life once more will naturally lead to a greater determination on your part to face your past as well as your present.
All of my life's work has led me to believe that these three ways offer the best combination of breaking such a destructive avoidance pattern which inevitably leads towards self-destruction. " William Forde: August 6th, 2015
