Thought for today:
"I had a really good sleep last night. When I woke up, the radio was reminding me that Elvis Presley died forty years ago today. I loved his singing, but news of the anniversary of his death, got me thinking about other deaths of people I knew and knew of.
There are many sad stories about people dying, and while every one of them produces grief and loss for those who were closest, the tales that bring instant tears to my eyes are the ones concerning the early demise of young children.
It is hard for any parent to lose a partner, but is harder to lose their child to some fatal illness, accident or incident. As a race, we automatically take for granted that we shall die before our children. To have to bury one's child before they've had any opportunity to taste the world is enough to rock the emotional foundations of any mother or father. The loss of one's child is a terrible place to go. Grieving the loss of a child is an emotional process that begins the day your child dies and ends the day the parents join them. Until that day arrives, a happy memory in quieter moments become the hiding place for unforgotten treasures.
As a probation officer for many years who also did some marriage guidance counselling, I will never forget working with any couple who had suddenly and tragically lost a child. For some, they seem moored in an anchor of solid grief following the death of their child and feel it emotionally impossible to ever set sail again and carry on living a meaningful existence. For others who manage to find their way through this pain barrier, I have learned that not all the scars show, not all the wounds heal and that it is often hard to see the pain that someone truly feels. Once the therapeutic storm is over, many parents don't remember how they made it through and managed to survive. They find it hard to believe that the storm is over. Of one thing that remains constant however in this process is the fact that once the emotional storm is over, they will come out of it a different person to the one who walked in!
I will never forget working with one couple whose marriage was struggling for survival. Prior to the sudden and tragic death of their ten-year-old son, the couple were part of a happy family unit and were planning another child. One day, while out shopping with her son in attendance, the boy suddenly collapsed on the pavement before going into Woolworth's. By the time the ambulance arrived, he had died in his mother's arms with some heart complaint he had carried unknowingly since birth.
Initially, following the death of their only child, the couple went from day-to-day, week-to-week and month-to-month simply taking one breath after another and not worrying about the outside world.The grieving mother went into a deep depression, yet despite all her husband's efforts to lift her out of this sad pit, she stayed depressed for almost three years and withdrew from all interest in her marriage. By the time the couple had come to me, it was at a time when the court's directed all couples seeking divorce to go through a mediation process first. Many couples entered the process genuinely, but others were simply jumping the necessary hoops. Alas. for this couple, too much hurt had passed between them and too many precious memories had been soured by the sad experience of their son's death. After the obligatory sessions of counselling, it was apparent that they considered their marriage to be finally over.
Over the past four years since I've been treated for various cancers, I have come across so many children who have cancer and have witnessed a kind of courage that one would never expect to find in one so young; children who possess and display wisdom beyond their years. I have had to conclude that children possess a coping capacity far in excess of that which any adult can imagine and that those who cope the best are the ones who know that 'death is not the end'. Apart from the obvious reference to a heaven beyond earth, the thing that keeps the child forever alive is the love and the enduring memory of the grieving parents.
There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world, and this applies more to the death of one's child than any other. Every day, medical advances and research bring us closer to a cure for cancer. Presently, statistics show that three out of four children diagnosed with cancer will survive the disease, but that is not good enough. The loss of one child is and will always be, one too many!" William Forde: August 16th, 2017.
"I had a really good sleep last night. When I woke up, the radio was reminding me that Elvis Presley died forty years ago today. I loved his singing, but news of the anniversary of his death, got me thinking about other deaths of people I knew and knew of.
There are many sad stories about people dying, and while every one of them produces grief and loss for those who were closest, the tales that bring instant tears to my eyes are the ones concerning the early demise of young children.
It is hard for any parent to lose a partner, but is harder to lose their child to some fatal illness, accident or incident. As a race, we automatically take for granted that we shall die before our children. To have to bury one's child before they've had any opportunity to taste the world is enough to rock the emotional foundations of any mother or father. The loss of one's child is a terrible place to go. Grieving the loss of a child is an emotional process that begins the day your child dies and ends the day the parents join them. Until that day arrives, a happy memory in quieter moments become the hiding place for unforgotten treasures.
As a probation officer for many years who also did some marriage guidance counselling, I will never forget working with any couple who had suddenly and tragically lost a child. For some, they seem moored in an anchor of solid grief following the death of their child and feel it emotionally impossible to ever set sail again and carry on living a meaningful existence. For others who manage to find their way through this pain barrier, I have learned that not all the scars show, not all the wounds heal and that it is often hard to see the pain that someone truly feels. Once the therapeutic storm is over, many parents don't remember how they made it through and managed to survive. They find it hard to believe that the storm is over. Of one thing that remains constant however in this process is the fact that once the emotional storm is over, they will come out of it a different person to the one who walked in!
I will never forget working with one couple whose marriage was struggling for survival. Prior to the sudden and tragic death of their ten-year-old son, the couple were part of a happy family unit and were planning another child. One day, while out shopping with her son in attendance, the boy suddenly collapsed on the pavement before going into Woolworth's. By the time the ambulance arrived, he had died in his mother's arms with some heart complaint he had carried unknowingly since birth.
Initially, following the death of their only child, the couple went from day-to-day, week-to-week and month-to-month simply taking one breath after another and not worrying about the outside world.The grieving mother went into a deep depression, yet despite all her husband's efforts to lift her out of this sad pit, she stayed depressed for almost three years and withdrew from all interest in her marriage. By the time the couple had come to me, it was at a time when the court's directed all couples seeking divorce to go through a mediation process first. Many couples entered the process genuinely, but others were simply jumping the necessary hoops. Alas. for this couple, too much hurt had passed between them and too many precious memories had been soured by the sad experience of their son's death. After the obligatory sessions of counselling, it was apparent that they considered their marriage to be finally over.
Over the past four years since I've been treated for various cancers, I have come across so many children who have cancer and have witnessed a kind of courage that one would never expect to find in one so young; children who possess and display wisdom beyond their years. I have had to conclude that children possess a coping capacity far in excess of that which any adult can imagine and that those who cope the best are the ones who know that 'death is not the end'. Apart from the obvious reference to a heaven beyond earth, the thing that keeps the child forever alive is the love and the enduring memory of the grieving parents.
There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world, and this applies more to the death of one's child than any other. Every day, medical advances and research bring us closer to a cure for cancer. Presently, statistics show that three out of four children diagnosed with cancer will survive the disease, but that is not good enough. The loss of one child is and will always be, one too many!" William Forde: August 16th, 2017.
